Someone is preparing the most boring TV show of all time, and they want YOU to help them. This posting on Craigslist calling on New Yorkers to share their stories promises that the end result will be worse than your senile great aunt’s cat stories, because at least those are followed by a delicious hard candy from her bathrobe pocket.

New York is the city that never sleeps, and it’s also the city that never lacks for a good story! We want to hear about your “only in New York ” moments. Did you catch your doorman sleeping on your couch, or did a taxi driver try to charge you double what the meter said you owed? Whether you’re a long-time resident, or your “Only in…” story happened the ONE TIME you visited the Big Apple, if you’ve got an unbelievable NYC story, share it with us!

Yeah, those stories are UNBELIEVABLE.

“Have you ever taken a bite of soup but it was a little too hot and you had to wait at least three minutes for the soup to cool down and then it was fine? Did you ever fall asleep in the middle of the day and wake up feeling refreshed? Whether you’re a long-time resident or your “Only in…” story happened the ONE TIME you visited the Big Apple, we’re sure you’ve had an experience that is of absolutely no interest to anyone.” Oh wait, I’ve got one:

You producers should probably save my story for the season 1 (this show is going to be a whole season of 22 hour-long episodes, I just decided) as the cliff-hanger, and it’s like “OMG, what’s going to happen in season 2?!!!!” And then it turns out in season 2, SPOILER ALERT no more New York stories. The end.