Entertainment Weekly‘s Michael Ausiello has the inside track on Friday Night Lights, always providing the internet with the scoops. Granted, the trouble that show’s been through, what with America’s disinterest in all things good (except Dark Knight, we nailed that one, everyone, take a lap), I think you can get the inside track on FNL by offering the producers five dollars to cover catering costs (the on-set catering is mostly popcorn and hope). This weekend, Ausiello posted an update on some plot developments in season three, which I have listed after the jump, along with some plot developments from an imaginary season in my stupid brain.

• Tyra and Landry break up again.
• Landry submits himself to a scientific experiment in which he becomes half-shark.
• Matt and Julie try to stay friends despite no longer being in a relationship.
• Julie opens her own lesbian tattoo parlor called One in the Pink, Two in the Ink.
• Tami Taylor is appointed the principal of Dillon High.
• Coach Taylor blows open the door to the hatch and discovers that it’s an underground bunker with a doomsday device inside.
• Smash and Jason Street will have short storylines before leaving the show.
• Jason Street will discover that he can walk again and return triumphant to the Panther field, only to wake up in a pool of his own vomit and discover that it had all just been a dream.
• New characters will be introduced, including a freshman named J.D. McCoy, who makes a play for QB1, and a rodeo star friend of Billy Riggins who makes a play for Tyra.
• Dillon, Texas secedes from the Union and becomes Football Nation under the rule of President Tim Riggins.
• Matt and Landry will continue to be goofy friends.

SPOILER ALERT it turns out Friday Night Lights is really great in the end.