gabe: heidi and spencer are hilarious
lindsay: they’re hilariously ridiculous, but they should be stopped.
gabe: they will be stopped
gabe: by the angel of death
gabe: he spares no one
lindsay: They should be stopped by the angel of not being famous anymore.
gabe: well, that will happen too
gabe: and probably sooner rather than later
lindsay: it only spares Madonna
gabe: are you kidding?
gabe: madonna’s been dead for years

gabe: that’s why her new stuff doesn’t do so well
gabe: because american consumers are turned off by the sound of a reanimated corpse
lindsay: if we’re going to argue about whether or not madonna is still famous, I will win
lindsay: Speidi shouldn’t just be ignored because they’re evil
lindsay: They should be ignored because they’re attempting to break the rules of fame
lindsay: And like The Dog Whisperer, we should hold them down by the neck and show them who is in charge.

gabe: wait, how are they evil?
gabe: evil is a preposterous word
gabe: pol pot is evil
gabe: heidi and spencer are obnoxious at best
lindsay: Fine, Evil, Awful, same diff
gabe: NOT THE SAME DIFFERENCE
gabe: USE YOUR WORDS
lindsay: Evil (or Awful) flourishes when good bloggers give them attention.
gabe: you think that heidi and spencer are famous because of blogs?
lindsay: well, or bad bloggers
gabe: they are famous because they’re on the most influential show MTV has had in a generation
lindsay: I think that if the entire internet ignored them, the angel of obscurity would find them quicker
gabe: a show that caters to the segment of the population with the largest amount of disposable income
gabe: if the internet ignored Julia Allison
gabe: that would be one thing
gabe: heidi and spencer already have a platform
gabe: i think that as somone who reads and writes blogs it’s easy to think that they are the reason things work
gabe: there are thousands of people who don’t read blogs
lindsay: Who don’t have the internet
gabe: and watch teh hills
lindsay: yeah yeah
gabe: blogs do not make the world go round
gabe: despite what worldgoround.blogspot.com says
lindsay: I think it’s .tumblr now
lindsay: but the People Of The Internet control things
gabe: People of the Internet don’t control anything

gabe: you said that they broke the rules of fame
gabe: which is another mindfuck we probably don’t have time to parse out
gabe: BUT
gabe: they didn’t “break the rules” on their own
gabe: there is a huge support system of consumers who helped that happen
lindsay: EXACTLY
lindsay: And I’m saying that someone needs to lead the charge in ignoring them.
lindsay: And it will be me, in my head, and nothing will change.
lindsay: Except that I will have a slightly more superior attitude
lindsay: You know what? Heidi is fine.
lindsay: She’s just a stupid girl.
lindsay: She would be nothing without Spencer.
gabe: i think she’s actually worse than spencer
lindsay: no, you are wrong
gabe: she was on the show before him
gabe: he was the smart one
gabe: but he’s also the weak link
lindsay: Yes, the evil smart one
gabe: no no
gabe: she knows exactly what she’s doing
lindsay: if Spencer broke up with Heidi, he and whoever he dated next, so long as he dated someone next seriously, would be more famous for longer.
gabe: how does that make heidi just a stupid girl?
gabe: taht means heidi is holding onto him to remain in the spotlight
lindsay: I believe that Heidi Montag has an IQ of about 75
lindsay: to spencer’s 102.5
gabe: what does that have to do with anything?
gabe: IQ is a myth
lindsay: of course, but as a relative scale with 100 being the accepted average, it’s still useful in judging reality tv stars
gabe: didn’t you read the bell curve or whatever
lindsay: the bell curve is racist
gabe: no, IQ tests are racist
lindsay: if we say 100 is average and 130 is genius and 70 is retarded, we can use it as a scale in our heads even if the real test is bullshit
gabe: let’s not talk about iq numbers anymore
gabe: it’s seriously boring
lindsay: I know, you get really sensitive.
gabe: no i get really bored
lindsay: No, it’s okay Gabe
gabe: what’s ok?
gabe: that your’e boring?
lindsay: That test is racist against upper middle class Jewish guys.
lindsay: We all know that
lindsay: shhh
gabe: ok
gabe: you keep having your own conversation and let me know when you’re done
lindsay: Would you have a threesome with Heidi and Spencer for 3 million dollars?
gabe: yes
lindsay: god, me too.
gabe: yeah what are you talking about
lindsay: This is a sad day
gabe: that’s like a game of would you rather in which all the possiblities have to be either eating a type of candy, or going on a fancy trip
would you rather be rich, or rich and famous?
lindsay: What? What is that game?
gabe: would you rather?
lindsay: I play real games
gabe: you don’t know that game?
lindsay: oh, because you would love to have sex with heidi and spencer.
lindsay: got it
gabe: no, i would love to have 3 million dollars
lindsay: but not with candy and trips
gabe: THAT IS THE JOKE
gabe: BECAUSE WHO DOESN’T WANT THREE MILLION DOLLARS?
gabe: we should probably talk about IQs again
lindsay: No, I understand it’s a sore subject.
lindsay: You didn’t have a good breakfast that day.
lindsay: It’s okay
lindsay: it doesn’t mean anything
gabe: tell me when you are done with this riff

lindsay: we should play would you rather
lindsay: with the cast of the hills
gabe: why, because you’re losing this fight?
lindsay: everyone is losing this fight
gabe: if what heidi and spencer are doing wasn’t somehow fundamentally interesting
gabe: they wouldn’t be famous
gabe: they’re doing something RIGHT
gabe: as painful as that might be to admit
gabe: i don’t think that fame is a meritocracy
gabe: especially nowadays
gabe: but almost everyone who is famous deserves to be famous somehow
lindsay: I’ts probably the opposite
gabe: it’s just a diferent system now but it’s still based on the merit system
lindsay: It’s like evolution
lindsay: it’s going in reverse
gabe: devolution
gabe: that is a word
lindsay: Where do you think Heidi and Spencer will be in 5 years?
gabe: VH1
lindsay: hahaha
gabe: in five years they will be on Vh1
lindsay: Are they joined for life?
lindsay: like a chinese finger trap?
gabe: no, they’re just joined until people stop paying attention
lindsay: Doesn’t there need to be a first person to stop paying attention?
lindsay: We could be One Less!
gabe: no, because this isn’t like Paris HIlton
gabe: who is mostly an amalgamation of her press coverage
gabe: they’re the cast of a TV show for better or for worse
gabe: so it doesn’t really matter
gabe: i mean, sure, videogum is HUGE
gabe: so the silence would be DEAFENING
lindsay: You mean Spencer Pratt is not a blank canvas onto which we project our wishes and dreams?
gabe: where did you read that? on your jeans?
lindsay: is that an insult?
lindsay: because I don’t even know
lindsay: I said first person, not first website
gabe: well, especially not first person
gabe: i mean, first website would be one thing
gabe: but a person deciding they weren’jt going to pay attention is pointless
lindsay: it could be like hands across america
lindsay: but not a failure
gabe: that’s like the powerful statement all 5 vegans in the world are making by not eating organic eggs
lindsay: There are more than 5 vegans.
lindsay: I win this fight. Done. Sorry about your low IQ.
gabe: you’re like a mom
gabe: who just has one joke
gabe: that no one ever got in the first place
lindsay: You’re like an asshole
lindsay: Who has a joke about jeans
lindsay: That nobody gets
lindsay: Can we ask people for future fight topics?
lindsay: nevermind dumb
gabe: you should blog for craigslist
lindsay: I want to start a PBS blog
lindsay: I mean, VG should just be about PBS
lindsay: Everyone should start watching Scientific American Frontiers with Alan Alda and make him the new Spencer
gabe: right, poor alan alda never got any recognition
gabe: he’s been hiding in the shadows for TOO LONG
lindsay: Alan and Arlene
lindsay: Alane
lindsay: Alrlene
gabe: ok, you’re on your own
lindsay: Aldarene