Via Defamer, there are six clips on Blackfilm.com from Sex And The City: The Movie, but we can all use our Sherlock-like powers of deduction to conclude beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is no way these were actually “leaked” without permission. Why? Because they contain no actual plot details other than things like “Carrie keeps sweaters in her stove.” and “Nobody on this show likes Brooklyn.” And that is not how the internet works. But here they are anyway. No spoiler alert.

Here Carrie tells the fascinating story of having an apartment bought for her by Big.

Plus: Carrie does the casual-fake-out thing to tell her friends she’s engaged. She reads a fairy tale to Charlotte’s daughter. Big buys the aforementioned apartment for Carrie. There’s a longer version of the “wax much?” scene from the trailer. And presenting: the only clip that gives us any real plot points: in this scene where Carrie explains to her assistant, Jennifer Hudson, what a “booty call” is, we learn that:

1. Carrie looks really sad in the beginning, like they were just talking about someone who died.
2. Carrie “doesn’t send texts or get texts.”
3. Carrie’s hair is brown omg!

If you’ve seen the movie and have real plot spoilers, email me! Eventually this has to work, right?