Shia LaBeouf is hosting Saturday Night Live this weekend with musical guest My Morning Jacket. There’s a new feature on the SNL website that lets you submit questions for the guests, with the slimmest of chances that producer Marci Klein will use them in a backstage video. Here are some questions I would like them to ask Mr. LaBoeuf:

• Is it true that scientists created you in a laboratory by splicing the “everyman” DNA from Tom Hanks with the “unexplainably-cocky” gene of Frankie Muniz?
• If you had to describe your hair, could you?
• Who’s cooler, Harrison Ford or the black Transformer?
• If you could be a cake on Ace of Cakes, what cake would you be, and I have a follow up. If you had to be a cake other than the race car cake?

I will happily submit your questions for Shia as well, as long as they are as pertinent as mine.