Speaking of Persia, if you had told me a day ago that they should make another Mummy movie, I would have told you to put a curse on yourself damning you to an eternity of lifeless shuffling in a dusty tomb, and also kill yourself. But no one said anything about Jet Li. That is crazy. He’s going to be like “what’s up, undead reavers, here is a karate kick for your face,” and the mummies will be like “unhhhhh.” So good. Remember when Jet Li retired from martial arts films but then the Rinpoche told him to get back to work because he had not completed his mission for this lifetime, and he decided that if he did return to film he would be working to bring the light of Buddha’s teachings to a global audience? It’s nice to see that he’s still doing God’s work. Scissor kicking mummies in mid-air is the one true way to Nirvana.

And of course when Jet Li is involved it’s the Dragon Emperor. So smart. I’m pretty sure on the insurance forms for this film, where it asks for blood type, Hollywood just put down “General Tso’s.”