The Challenge: To create a video blog, or vlog, using a set of ground rules established by Lindsay.
The Result: Gabe leaves videogum.com and returns to LiveJournal, where he can be with people who have similar interests.
Is there anything more embarrassing to humanity than the trend of vlogging? When the A.I. liquid mercury aliens take over our ice planet and discover evidence of our vlogging, they will not even save the humanoid robot, even though they know he’s just a machine. He will bear too much of a resemblance to the vlogging race that was decimated (thankfully) by the Emmerich Event of 2011.
So, I was less than pleased with Lindsay’s challenge that I create a vlog. I would have thought that the eye cyst she developed after watching all four Saw movies in a row would have convinced her that she better leave me the fuck alone. NO SUCH LUCK. Instead, she wrote a list of rules:
1. Gabe cannot pre-write anything or use notes
2. The vlog must include stupid dissolves and wipes and transitions
3. The vlog must include ten seconds of staring
4. Gabe has to talk about politics
5. The vlog must feature stuffed animals
6. Gabe has to start a fight with another vlogger
7. Gabe has to tell a go-nowhere anecdote about a thing that happened to me that no one cares about
8. The vlog must feature lip synching
9. Gabe has to address the haters
10. Gabe has to kill Lindsay.
Fine, Muffinhead. I accept your challenge.
The scariest thing about this challenge was the fear that somehow I would really like it and start vlogging all the time. Luckily for me (you), no. Nope. Sorry vloggers, you’re alone on this one. And every one.