Yesterday, I predicted that Amanda and Chelsea would be the final two on The Bachelor, and that Shayne would be sent home, including an alternative prediction that Shayne could stay on because she would be easier to reject when it comes down to the final two in two weeks. (And a commenter took that a step further, saying Shayne would actually win the show because of her easy-to-dump nature, to last just 8 months as Matt’s fiance.) We all know this is very serious stuff! I was wrong — Amanda was dumped, as most Bachelor contestants who say the phrase “fairy tale” to the Bachelor constantly are, and the final rose smackdown will be between Shayne and Chelsea. Except it won’t, because for the first time in Bachelor history, it’s clear that everything is totally sewn up already. Chelsea will win. Did you see them cuddling last night? They’re totally boyfriend/girlfriend already!! But before the cuddling, Matt took Chelsea swimming with sea turtles, and couldn’t resist contrasting his close, intimate sea turtle connection with Chelsea’s masterful game of hard-to-get:

“…I had better eye contact with the turtle underwater, with goggles and a mask on, than I did with Chelsea…I was gutted.” Matt is obviously employing his superior British sense of humor here, but taken out of context it makes for a surreal Bachelor moment.