I saw Charlie Rose once. Jealous? I saw him in midtown. That’s right, I was in midtown. It’s OK to be SO JEALOUS. Do you watch his show? It’s pretty good, but it makes you feel old. It’s like that masturbation technique “The Stranger” where you cut off circulation in your hand until it goes numb and then use your numb hand to masturbate (no one has ever actually done this), except that instead of cutting off circulation to your hand and masturbating, you just put on a cardigan sweater and drink some tea and reflect on what an interesting path your life has taken you to bring you to this episode of Charlie Rose. Man, my analogy is perfect. I should become Dean of the Analogies Program at Harvard.

Here is the episode of Charlie Rose God doesn’t want you to see.

(via VSL)

In this case, the universe just swallowed itself and farted and it smells like Space Ghost.