If I learned anything from last night’s episode of The Ultimate Fighter it’s that you can learn defenses against double leg take-downs, straight arm bars, and ankle locks. But there is no defense against neck herpes.

This show is so weird because on the one hand it does everything it can to reinforce stereotypes about hyper-violent men being semi-literate animalistic knuckleheads, which are some of the fairest, most deserved stereotypes in the world. But when it comes down to it, the thrill of being on this show for these dudes is like a little girl finally getting that pony. And then smashing its face in with their elbows. Do not cry, brave Paul Bradley. You are a noble warrior! You’re just like Russell Crowe in Gladiator who was unbeatable until Joaquin Phoenix gave him neck herpes and kicked him out of the Coliseum.