For years now, I’ve been trying to convince Hollywood to combine Cop Land, Snakes on a Plane, Training Day, “eracism” t-shirts, White Man’s Burden, The ‘Burbs, Rear Window, and Wilson from Home Improvement into one movie. Finally Hollywood listened.

Um, you guys, my mind just broke.

I know that thrillers (and horror movies) are supposed to be an outlet for our collective anxiety by presenting a safe manifestation of our fears. But apparently our collective fears are so complicated (and bourgeois) and require such a nuanced understanding of modern racial politics, that I don’t even think I’m allowed to write about this. Am I? Am I being a racist by just watching this? I’m pretty sure that this trailer has proven that I’m a super racist and that Samuel L. Jackson is a reverse racist and he has the color thing on his side, the color blue? Am I going to jail? Am I going to race jail? Wait, are we already in race jail, and it’s called America?

Obama ’08. There, that ought to solve everything.