There’s a new Sex And The City full-length non-teaser trailer up today, and as expected it should have a pink band for Excessive Violence Against My Brain.

Actually, I’m glad this trailer is out, because I’m sick of movie audiences gasping, cheering and applauding at the teaser that’s been playing in movie theaters since Christmas. I had to watch this one twice because I zoned out at the halfway mark, but first reactions:

• I actually liked the dramatic cell phone crashing to the floor in slow motion part, because it meant something bad was happening to Carrie.


• Real prediction: Steve’s confession is that he’s gay.


• They finally “gave” us Mr. Big’s real name. “John James Preston” is a stupider name than Mr. Big.


• “I don’t believe in marriage. Now, Botox, that works every time!” does not make sense, Samantha.


• The “growing a national forest out of your pussy” line is totally how women really talk!!


• Best part: Jennifer Hudson’s “they told me to act naive but I’m overdoing it and acting retarded” thing. Also, nobody moves to New York “to fall in love”!

Sex And The City: The Movie will be forced upon us on May 30. As a devoted and obsessive SATC hate-watcher (one of the fastest-growing segments of the TV and movie audience), I absolutely can’t wait.