Getting stoned and going to the movies is a tradition that probably goes back to the dawn of cinema or whatever. But what’s a stoner movie buff to do when the nation’s film critics are professionals who attend screenings and write reviews with nary a drop of THC in their systems? Everyone knows that film critique aesthetics are completely skewed in Druggachusetts, where Citizen Kane is a snore and Harold and Kumar is a masterpiece. Today I’ll use my Stoney Sense™ to determine the most and least pot-friendly of the new releases. Don’t forget to get snacks of both the salty and sweet variety!

This week, Semi-Pro, The Other Boleyn Girl, and Penelope.

State-Grown Medical Grade G-13: Semi-Pro

Why: You could stay home and watch Kicking and Screaming again, but there are probably two or three different jokes in Semi-Pro.

Shwag: Penelope

Why: If Semi-Pro is sold out, try this weird comedy. Maybe Christina Ricci’s pig nose won’t ever stop being hilarious or something.

Total Call-From-Your-Mom Buzz-Harsher: The Other Boleyn Girl

Why? Costumes, length, historical basis, beheading, slight threat of life re-evaluation.