“Honey, how many bottles of Achmed syrah should I order for the dinner party tomorrow night? Well, sure, a case, but we’ll go through that, you know how Tom drinks, and if we’re going to spend the money on shipping anyway, we should probably get some to set aside just for everyday wine, no? Maybe a case of the Achmed and a case of the Peanut riesling? You know what, honey, nevermind, I’m just going to order 1,000 cases of all three Jeff Dunham wines, which exist and are real, and are my favorite wines. What we don’t drink at the dinner party we can save for our children, as part of their inheritance. It’s collectible, you know. Oh, but now that we’ve got the wine thing sorted out, how many Bubba J iPods Nano do you want?”
–You

(Via JeffDunham.com/shop.)

Comments (48)
  1. On the bright side, i would seem to be rather wealthy!

  2. he is sorta like jesus, turning :( into wine.

  3. Look at Jeff Dunham letting out his inner elitist with that fancy white wine. What’s next Jeff Dunham brand arugula?

  4. …and good ol’ boys drinking Jeff Dunham wine, singing “this’ll be the day that I die”…

  5. Let’s be fair, this is probably the best joke JD’s ever told:

    “Winemaker Tasting Notes: Bright huckleberry, black cherry, sweet tobacco and pomegranate in the nose with richly unctuous bands of black cherry and cassis with hints of mocha lingering seamlessly in a well balanced palate. — Eric Dunham, Dunham Cellars”

  6. Woah, woah, woah, peanut wine? That’s a thing?
    Jeff Dunham: Breaking wine barriers since some idiot gave him a TV show.

  7. At those prices? Jeff Dunham, you elitist piece of crap!

  8. Wine Spectator: ?the bright floral notes and silky oakiness of the Walter Trutina will distract your brain from its hemorrhaging. 94.”

  9. “A bottle of the Achmed is pretty much all I drink while I’m driving away from the hate crimes I love committing. It also helps drown out the sound of my ex-wife’s voice, when she’s complaining in court that I used to beat her and have never paid her even one cent of the child support I owe for the children that I can’t raise because I’m too busy laughing at the pearls of wisdom coming out of that puppet’s mouth.”

    –Every Jeff Dunham fan’s tombstone (probably)

  10. Hearts to you for “iPods Nano” (although I guess hearts to me, since I actually said it. Great grammar, me!)

  11. The pricing of that wine is seriously elitist.

  12. I want to see the market research that showed that the average Jeff Dunham fan spends upwards of $45 on a bottle of wine. . . or even really drinks wine for that matter.

  13. Peanut wine sounds disgusting.

  14. Screenplay for Sideways 2: Revenge of the Fallen.
    Scene: Winery in California. JACK COLE gets a bottle of Achmed Syrah Wine , pours a glass, and hands it to MILES.
    JACK COLE: Here you go. Best of the best.
    MILES: What is this?
    JACK COLE: Just try it and describe it.
    MILES: (Miles takes a sniff of the wine a sip and swishes it in mouth. He spits it out quickly and grimaces.) Mmm… a little racist citrus… maybe some strawberry ant-comedy… There’s just like the faintest soupçon of like :( and just a flutter of a, like a, nutty Edam cheese, or really more like ugh.

  15. If you look closely, the puppets are on the label. These are indeed strange times we live in, America.

  16. woozefa  |   Posted on Nov 6th, 2009 +16

    just goes to show you, any douchebag with questionable talent and a dream can make it in america. why i haven’t yet is a mystery.

  17. Poll Question:
    If, for the rest of your life, you had to bring either a bottle of Achmed wine or a bottle of Ed Hardy wine to every single party you attend, which would you choose? (includes family thanksgiving dinner, etc.)

  18. Instead of getting a Walter ipod nano, I’ll save some cash and just get it engraved with “I can’t believe there’s a black president!”

  19. $26 a bottle?! Do you have any idea how many bottles of Three-Buck Chuck I can get for that?!

    Neither do I, but I’m sure it’s a lot.

  20. I’ll put this on the shelf next to my A. Whitney Brown moonshine.

  21. If only I knew about this last weekend, I could have hosted a racist/douchebag costume party and only served Ed Hardy wine and Jeff Dunham wine!

  22. The real issue here is that this wine is not funny.

  23. I’ll take a case of the Achmed, if it comes with the Achmed talking doll. Does he take Diners Club?

  24. As somebody who works at a wine store and has a somewhat intricate knowledge of wine and wine cultivation etc., i feel i can say with some authority, “what.”

  25. The Jeff Dunham wine is okay…but the Joel Chandler Harris wine will knock your socks off!

  26. Is this faux-fanciness a sign from the heavens that jeff dunham is slowly turning into your girlfriend gwen fishsticks paltrow?

  27. I thought everyone into this guy thought the French were gay turds. Did the Jeff Dunham fart beer cost too much for shipping?

  28. I feel like there’s a secret tracking microchip in the bottom of all these wines so once you’ve finished the bottle, you’re so lonely drunk that one of Jeff Dunham’s puppets comes to your house and rapes you.

  29. I still can’t get over the fact that the Achmed Syrah wine keeps looking like Achmed Syria wine…IT’S LIKE THEY MEANT TO DO THAT. Dunham Wines are hereby proclaimed the winner of Best New Party Game 12: Racism Edition.

  30. I hear the Peanut Riesling pairs well with roadkill armadillo and Hamburger Helper.

  31. They must have discontinued the peanut noir.

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