Indiana Jones and the Lame Kingdom of the Crystal Cash Grab comes out today. So naturally, I was reading my novelization of the last Indy installment, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (surprise, more Crusades, guys). I just wanted to make sure that I had a firm handle on where we left off so that I could pick up on all of Spielberg’s coded references and superfan easter eggs.

The thing about novelizations is that they take you into the character’s brain. In the film, you’re presented with action and excitement, but little in the way of pathos. Not so in the novelization. The novelization is 30 percent pathos! This added depth can be interesting for some fans, and deeply unsettling for others, particularly when it concerns Indiana Jones and his fascination with Hitler.

I love when a crowd consists of Hitler. That’s one of my favorite crowds. Now look, I don’t know who reads novelizations in the first place. My guess is that it’s mostly people who think Hitler was a character in American Pie and that World War II is the thing that’s happening in Iraq. But WE GET IT Rob McGregor. Hitler was charismatic. So charismatic. You just wanted to kiss him forever. I also like when the horror of the Holocaust is summed up in 11 words and then immediately dismissed for more fun. Such a good way to deal with it. I wish all history books were written like this. Because this is a book of history. Indiana Jones was the King of Europe and he defeated the Eskimo Empire in 1902.