boy_balloon_colorado.jpg

Wait a second, there was no boy in the balloon? Jesus Christ. He could be anywhere! Sort of. Depending on how you define “be.” This is awful. Now what are we supposed to do? Also the family had been on Wife Swap? Too much. Too much some times, this world. Can we pack it up for the rest of the day? Because it seems like maybe we should just pack it up for the rest of the day. What else are we going to talk about? This leaked Expendables trailer? It looks like Wild Hogs, but with guns. And why do they keep cutting between deep-cover reconnaissance and a fight on a basketball court? Besides, no one wants to think about the leaked Expendables trailer now. Falcon Heene is missing!

OK, admittedly, this blogger’s investigation of what the various locations from Taxi Driver look like today is kind of interesting. But still. Even this cat eating meat in a supermarket deli-counter case (aww, come back later!) can’t distract us from what is happening in the fields of Colorado right now.
:(

Comments (64)
  1. This is…what is this?

  2. his dad Star Fox better have answers

  3. This is exactly the kind of bizarre news story that is socially transcendent. I can see myself having similar conversations about this with my friends, my grandmother, or just some random guy at the super market.

  4. The boy is in the balloon next thing he knows he makes up on what appears to be fur, and James Gandolfini’s voice says, “I didn’t want to wake you up but i wanted to show you something.” Then some Arcade Fire started playing

  5. So Falcon appears to have definitely been in the balloon when it took off, but he also definitely didn’t fall out after live helicopter coverage started.

    So, uh….I got nothing.

  6. im hoping he wasnt actually in the balloon to begin with. maybe he undid it and then jumped out and ran for cover so he wouldnt get in trouble? please let that be the case.

    • Katie  |   Posted on Oct 15th, 2009 +1

      I read this hours ago and thought it was a nice idea but no way. And you were right! Hope 4eva!

  7. The greatest trick that Falcon ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.

  8. If you name a kid “Falcon” and put a fly-in-the-air device in the backyard, what do you think is going to happen?

  9. Falcon went up. Falcon didn’t come down.

  10. :-( ((((( We need some kittens up in here.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic

  11. The Expendables is like the Damn Yankees of action movies.

  12. superglue  |   Posted on Oct 15th, 2009 +2

    I just wish reality tv would stop ruining all of these tiny lives.

  13. The reality show part of this isn’t really that surprising. By my calculations about 70% of the American population has been on a reality show by now.

  14. It is typical that on the day he took away Jon & Kate, Geebus gives the media a new reality show family to obsessively cover.

  15. If Fort Collins doesn’t get some sort of air + space / wife swap theme park out of this, at least they have kick-ass beer. More seriously, I hope he’s just hiding in a closet, trying to avoid being grounded (sorry).

  16. Lyle  |   Posted on Oct 15th, 2009 -1

    ummm the saucer took off in Fort Collins, which is more than 100 MILES from DIA, where it landed…he could be anywhere.

  17. HE IS JUST FINE, HE IS ALL RIGHT, HE HAS FLOWN UP TO THE MOON WHERE THERE ARE NO REALITY SHOWS OR TRAGIC AIR DISASTERS AND NOW HE IS RUNNING FREE AND HAPPY ACROSS THE SURFACE OF THE MOON WITHOUT A SINGLE CARE

  18. They’re not going to find the kid, because the kid asked Max the robot to take him back to his family in 1978, and the robot was compliant. DUH.

  19. quadruple x  |   Posted on Oct 15th, 2009 -6

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Reading this thread today is like having some kind of oracular super powers. This commenter didn’t deserve the downvotes. And believe me, I am from the future.

  20. Well, I’ve found the strangest possible thing. The balloon boy and his brothers made a completely inappropriate song called “Not Pussified.” WTF2THEMAX.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBWJXXgaYBo

  21. I so hope that this is a hoax, not only because that means the little guy will be safe and sound and alive, but also because Gabe will have to deal with the ignominy of being fooled by so grandly by a REALITY SHOW FAMILY. “This is awful.” -Gabe Delahaye, Oct. 15, 2009

  22. lesson to be learned here: wells > scientific helium filled balloons.

  23. Falcon has been found.

    In a cardboard box.

    In the attic of their garage.

  24. Thank god! We can finally make jokes about this. That was a long painful afternoon of self-censorship.

  25. BUT HOW DID HE GET FROM THE BALLOON INTO THE CARDBOARD BOX IN THE ATTIC?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  26. Can’t fault a little boy for trying out his Halloween costume a little early, can we?

  27. A.v.E  |   Posted on Oct 16th, 2009 +1

    Wait . . . the brooding stranger I befriended a few days ago said that the boy would be found hiding out. Could he be right about the virus, too?

    • YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

      I was going to say “didn’t this happen before but the boy was in a barn and it was a well that he was supposed to be in?” Then I remembered that was from 12 Monkeys.

  28. i was originally disappointed that the video wouldn’t load on the shitty computer i’m using, but i must say that piecing the story together from the context clues was ridiculously bizarre and enjoyable.

  29. Breaking news: Balloon boy said “We did this for the show.” And then there’s a fart.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wI6UONWCq7A

  30. How about this breaking news: In the Taxi Driver Then & Now report there is a throw-away reference to a SPIDERMAN MUSICAL OPENING IN 2010???!!!! Worlds be :( -ing

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