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[Ed. note: due to a Netflix Error, the Hunt is postponed for a week. Boo hoo, I'm sure. We're all devastated.]
On a day like today, with Couples Retreat making headlines as the number one movie in the country and reminding us that there’s nothing America loves better than Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau organizing a paid vacation to the Bahamas for themselves, it is hard to remember that there are even things to like in this world. Everything is so hatable! Jon Gosselin is claiming that he’s half-Jewish? Shut up, Jon Gosselin. Shut your mouth. Roland Emmerich is making a movie about Shakespeare? Alas, poor Yorick! He blew his brains out, Horatio. So when you do find something that you like, HOLD ON TO THAT THING. Grip it tight, Of Mice and Men style, and try not to crush it in your soft-brained hands, but hug it and love it and keep it forever.
Today, we have two classic entries in this on-going search for elusive Human Happiness:
Maybe what you love is showing off your collection of NeoGeo games without a shirt on, while the Pet Shop Boys play in the background. Go for it! If you really love a particular game, make a blowjob handsign (?) or grab your nipple. It’s the ’90s!
That guy is amazing. One of the best guys. He loves his games, and he loves dancing. What do you love? Nothing, probably.
But maybe showing off out-dated videogame system game collections with no shirt on and late ’80s britpop playing in the background is not what you love. Perhaps what you love is dressing up like a clown and performing aggro-carnival songs about Luna Bars in your clowncore band. Do it! Don’t let anyone tell you not to do it.
Admittedly, that last one is less of a strange fetish and more of a clever parody of unbearable contemporary music trends, but it’s still funny, and I like to imagine that it is real. I do what I want. You should also! (Both videos via BuzzFeed.)
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Y’all think that clowncore video is a parody? Go talk to a teenager.
I offer you an UGH on behalf of my generation.
I offer you two UGHS on behalf of my generation that started this mess.
Moonmaster?
Wow Insane Clown Posse has really let themselves go.
Oh snaps! After I posted this I thought of a better joke!
You?ve got to give Insane Clown Posse props, though, for their brave new lo-fi approach and aural experimentation. They?re basically Animal Collective in clown masks now.
I certainly hope I’ve learned my lesson.
I haven’t learned from your mistake. One day, I’m going to keep trying new variations until I post the perfect joke, and, even if all the monsters downvote me, I’ll know that it was worth it for that one transcendent moment of extreme joy before I catch my typo and end up double-posting.
You were probably upvoted 10 times by vidgum readers and then news spread to stereogum that someone was defiling the name of animal collective and they downvoted you twelve times.
I upvoted both of those jokes.
The first because it was funny.
The second because you went for a difficult maneuver and bobbled on the landing. But you went for it, sometimes that’s the most important part.
The more we know…………
Well you guys, I’m off to buy some faygo and prepare for the next Gathering, because I guess I’m a juggalo now, is how much I enjoyed that clown-core.
I’m not down with this Melodic Clowncore subgenre.
Neo-Geo you’re the one
who makes dancing topless
so much fun
There is nothing heavier than a Casio keyboard. Well, except for covering The Postal Service, OBVS.
“On Christmas, I’ll see my kids during the day for a couple of hours.”
-Jon Gosselin
I love how “Netflix error” is a perfectly acceptable reason for not watching a movie, as if there are no other alternatives to exchanging currency for temporary possession of a DVD. My theory is that the shame caused by that embarrassing checkout process where the sexy, film-literate clerk looks at your selection, and then at you, and then at the floor as she shakes her head in a nonverbal judgment of your entire worth of a human being was too much for Gabe to bear.
I feel ya, though. I once rented Marley and Me at my local video store and haven’t been back since. Because shame.
That’s why you just check it out at the same time as, like, Eraserhead.
There are video stores still?!
I used to get dvd’s from the library until one day i lost the DVD for Alfie starring Jude Law.
Took me about two years to work up the nerve to go back and pay for that DVD.
I live with my parents (way cool to start with!), but I was telling my mom that she should check out the local video store because there’s a section for all her stupid British romcoms. Instead she gave me a list.
I had to go up to cute punky clerk girl and ask, “Do you have Fever Pitch, the one with Colin Firth?”
I could rent every Agnes Varda movie in the store and never win back her heart…
We had the same Netflix error Gabe had today. It’s called Columbus Day.. no mail.
Jesus, you’re right! I have a carrier who only picks up my mail if he feels up to it, and I figured that was why the rent, three bills, and a birthday card for my dad are still in the mailbox.
When the power’s shut off, I’m evicted, and my dad won’t return my calls, I’m still gonna blame it on that motherfucker.
Maybe he’s too busy writing poetry about sexual romps and trips to the horse track.
Reserve your Ed Hardy kippah now, kids. It’s gonna be all the rage.
Seriously… Am I the only one who watched until 1:23 in the first video?
No, I think everyone watched past the 1:23 mark but is still more shocked and appalled by everything Jon Gosselin said in that interview
Who is Jon Gosselin? #thingsiwishicouldsay
no,
I watched until the butt crack, which is basically my universal cutoff point for all YouTube videos.
I made it to 55seconds, did i miss something?
That first guy reminds me of my ex-husband, neo-geo and all.
Also, there is no way that Jon Gosselin uttered the words “Everyone in my life is Jewish now, my attorney.” Right? RIGHT?!
those clown core kids are just trying to spread awareness. my (male) friend ate a luna bar once and still gets called lunaboobs.
HOW COULD KATE GOSSELIN LEAVE THAT?
Oh man, I so win the dirt-digging game with this video of Jerry from accounting. I knew he was hiding something!
Oh, I get it. Because Luna bars are specially formulated for women. Men can’t eat them, their dicks will fall off. Men can only eat Clif bars. I’ve been so tempted, those S’mores look pretty good, but I like my dick.
well how d’ya feel about “nuts over chocolate?”
I have found human happiness, and it is glorious.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyaUOLojOHo
“I’m now half Jewish and half Korean.”
Because that is totally how cultural heritage/religion works.
I don’t know if it’s love, but I am digging that cover of “Where the Streets Have No Name”.
the best part of all this is your link to that belle and sebastian song. i’ve always imagined Gabe as a twee boy. NOW I KNOW
Hello. Remember me?
Girl at the Bar: Hey, haven?t I seen you around? Weren?t you at that party when?
Worker #3116: Fuck you!
Or:
Boss: Hey, Worker, do you think you could finish this project before?
Worker #3116: Fuck you!
Here is the new Worker #3116, easing into his new neighborhood:
Guy Working at the Gym: Welcome to the Gym. How are you today?
Worker #3116: I JUST MOVED HERE A WEEK AGO. OH, WERE YOU LOOKING AT THIS BOX? IT?S FULL OF PROTEIN BARS.
Guy Working at the Gym: ?
Worker #3116: HAHAHA. SO, YEAH, I JUST MOVED HERE.
Guy Working at the Gym: ?
Worker #3116: WELL, IT WAS REALLY GREAT TO MEET YOU. I?M SURE I WILL SEE YOU AROUND NOW THAT I LIVE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD. MY NAME IS WORKER #3116. IT WAS NICE TO MEET YOU.
Clowncore may be the worst, but this is the no contest the worsest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TH5ibABP4U