I know that the philosopher Christopher George Latore Wallace once wrote, “mo money, mo problems,” but I think that he got it wrong. It’s more like, “mo money, mo ridiculous lawsuits that really sound insane when you write them out.” Oprah, who was recently sued for one trillion dollars in an epic Online Poetry Collection scandal, now finds herself enmeshed in another ridiculous and kind of wonderful lawsuit. From US Weekly:
A flight attendant on Oprah Winfrey’s private jet filed a lawsuit Friday denying allegations that she had sex on board.
In the suit, Corrine Gehrls, 39, claims that fellow flight attendants Myron Gooch and Kirby Bumpus — who is the daughter of Winfrey’s best friend Gayle King and is Winfrey’s goddaughter — made the accusation that caused her to be fired.
The lawsuit claims that Gooch made the accusation — that Gehrls engaged in intercourse with chief pilot Terry Pansing, 57, during a flight in which the talk show host and other passengers slept “following their ingestion of sleeping pills” — after Pansing reportedly complained about his work schedule and demanded that he stay in nicer hotels than the rest of the flight crew.
I’m not saying that it’s impossible to imagine a flight attendant and a pilot having sex on Oprah’s private jet, but Gayle King’s daughter (who is a flight attendant on Oprah’s plane? Nice job, mom) is seriously suggesting that she fed sleeping pills to all of the passengers and then had secret sky sex on a multi-billionaire’s private plane while the other stewardesses…who had apparently not ingested sleeping pills…just cleaned out the seat pockets? That is the most complicated sex ever. That is like the kind of sex that a billionaire with their own private jet might have with their secret gay lover that they refused to admit was their gay lover even though everyone knew it was their gay lover. Just for example. But probably not one of the multiple stewardesses working for the billionaire alongside the billionaire’s totally-not-secret-gay-lover’s daughter.
Forget it, Gabe, it’s O-Town*.
*Someone’s going to need to update the Wikipedia (disambiguation) page, thanks.