OK! I’m sorry, America! You were right! I should be watching American Idol! I still won’t, but this clip is great.

Everyone is amazed this morning that Paula would critique two songs when the contestants only sang one, thereby indicating that she pre-writes her critiques, rather than basing them on the actual work (or potentially talent) of the singers. But I think even that is being too generous. I don’t think Paula pre-writes … or writes anything. These were clearly handed to her by a producer. And written by an intern. But cut American Idol some slack. They’re running the most popular show on television, not a free methadone clinic. If they didn’t provide Paula with what to say, I’m pretty sure she would tell every contestant that she wants to put makeup on her dogs at the Klonopin Party before sobbing and tugging at her weave.