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It is time for me to head to the airport and get on an airplane and fly (that’s right, FLY!) back to sweet, sweet New York City. Goodbye California! I will miss your abundant produce and sunshine, and the piles of delicious, cheap tacos (yum!). I will NOT miss your bedazzled-skull-t-shirts-on-60-year-old-men and your constant traffic jams (seriously, with the traffic!). In any case, everything ends, and so has this visit to Los Angeles ended. But it is such a long flight back! What should we do in the meantime? I know: Best New Party Game 9, duh.
This is an easy one, developed as so many BNPGs have been lately, by Videogum Buddy @TimCarvell (follow him, why not?). So: #accuratetaglines. Like this one:
@TimCarvell: “In space, no one can hear you scream. Unless you’re in a spaceship with other people. Like the characters in this movie.” #accuratetaglines
You get it. My turn.
- “There is something wrong with Esther that is hilarious.”
- “Just when you thought it was safe to go in the water, there is a shark inside the water.”
- “He died. But this movie is retarded.” (That one goes out to the CrankHeads.)
Have fun! I will be playing (and winning) this game FROM THE SKY.
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2012: Who will be left behind to see this crappy movie now that we’ve seen the best and worst 5 minutes?
Ultra fail on the new img…
Where we’re going, we won’t need roads because we’ll be flying in a time machine.
“”A Love Caught in the Fire of Revolution THAT WILL continue TO GO on FOR HOURS and HOURS.”
“He loved the American Dream. With a Vengeance. HE ALSO loved COKE. Like ALOT. Like, JESUSTITTYCHRIST did you SEE that MOUNTAIN he just SNORTED?!”
“Who you gonna call? HOPEFULLY not THESE guys BECAUSE THEY will tear YOUR PERSONAL shit apart, BUT HEY they’re pretty witty!”
“Size Does Matter. PLOT, ACTING, good special EFFECT, AND ALL THAT other SHIT? Not so MUCH.”
THIS IS unrelated, BUT I think I FOUND the MOST FUCKING ridiculous IMDB thread EVER (Thanks GABE).
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1148204/board/thread/143826911?d=143826911&p=1#143826911
So, speaking of Orphan, I refused to read any of the spoilers you guys posted because I thought it looked like the most hilarious movie ever and I wanted to see it, but I accidentally read one that someone posted WITHOUT A SPOILER ALERT. Anyway, I was completely let down at the end of the movie when her head didn’t fall off when she took her ribbon off her neck. Because I totally thought that’s what the spoiler was.
I am irrationally happy that your old picture is back!
Sorry American Patriot but I think I FOUND the MOST FUCKING ridiculous IMDB thread EVER http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0469263/board/thread/66309751
I see dead people and you’re one of them
SPOILERS man! C’MON!
I’ve actually never seen The Sixth Sense, but I know how it ends because everyone always jokingly ruins the ending ["Oh, yeah. Bruce Willis is a ghost."] And I’m kind of disappointed because it sounds cool and now it will never be surprising.
Also, my diamond shoes are way too tight.
I actually showed up at my friend’s place as they were watching the last twenty mins of Sixth Sense, then admitted after I’d never seen it. It’s not worth watching it or any of M Night’s movies if you know the twist. And when I did finally see it I thought it was crap anyway, knowing he’s dead just makes it crappier. “The Chick in the Crying Game is really a man…. I mean, man was that a good movie.”
“The truth is maybe out there, but it is definitely not in these x-files. These x-files are confusing.”
“I’m just so tired of all these Star Wars!”
“The creators of JAWS and STAR WARS now bring you the ultimate hero in the ultimate adventure followed by two terrible adventures and one ok adventure.”
HEY SORRY champ BUT I think YOU meant “one terrible ADVENTURE, AN okay ONE, AND THEN are you FUCKING kidding ME? ALIENS? What kind of BULLSHIT is this? THEIR treasure IS KNOWLEDGE?! WHAT. THE. hell. This IS not PBS, YOU assholes!”
Who you gonna call? Dan Aykroyd? Seriously? You probably should have thought that through better.
Before you die you see some random images and also some Japanese chick with a bad hair day crawling out of your TV
An adventure a solid couple years in the making.
The first casualty of war is innocence. And casualties.
“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…is way better than if you go to a slight longer time ago in that same galaxy when everything is stupid.
Every man dies, not every man really lives. But seriously, this guy is still alive while he gets his intestines pulled out of his body.
“Every ant has his day, even Woody Allen.”
Fear Can Hold You Prisoner. Hope Can Set You Free. So Can A Rock Hammer.
He helped me… ruin popular cinema.
“There’s a time for playing it safe & a time for…dancing around in Wayfarers and listening to Bob Seger”
“There are 3.7 trillion fish in the ocean. They’re looking for one, and he’s not in the ovean.”
THAT WOULD have been ONE hell OF a different MOVIE HAD Nemo BEEN in the OCEAN.
This time, it’s personal. Because last time, he didn’t really know who the bad guy was – an asshole.
They live life a quarter mile at a time, cuz anymore theyd have to plan ahead and thinking is hard and stuff.
How Fast do you want it to end cuz really, this movie sucks compared to the first
On the Streets of Tokyo, Speed needs no Translation, though someone may be required to interpret the MEANING OF LUDACRIS IN THIS MOVIE ABOUT DRIVING CARS FAST IN SEMI CIRCLES THROUGH TOKYO! Prease!
New Model, Original Parts, Michelle Rodriguez dies, drive drive drive, sadness, good film? No.
“If You’ve Got A Taste For Terror… Or Pig’s Blood… Or Big Fires in the Gym….Take Carrie To The Prom.”
SPOILER ALERT
the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the cops that he was crippled
“He always wanted to be special but he never expected to be a fucking wolf”
“You’ll believe a man can WHEEL!” Too soon for a Christopher Reeve joke?
Two cops. One is all black. The other is all Chinese.
“Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water….There’s still some sharks”
So what happens when you think you don’t need to read the examples before getting in the game, is that you end up doing the same tagline as Gabe, just not as funny because Gabe.
You’re still a winner in my eyes.
“After a night they can’t remember, comes a day they’ll never forget but then forget it when aliens wipe it from their minds”.
There’s one in all of us. There’s James Gandolfini in one of them.
As long as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. But, you know, like a cool gangster. Not like fucking Joe Pesci or something. How bad would that suck?
k im really bored. here goes.
“the future is history because but actually it isnt because bruce willis”
“the truth is out there. and by truth we mean aliens and stuff”
“Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven.” – okay thats the actual tagline from that one, which is perfect
“Don’t go in the water unless you want to be eaten by a shark.”
“You’ll Believe A Man Can Fly! On a screen! With special effects!”
“He’s having the worst day of his life…over, and over…until it stops.”
“Before you die, you see…a creepy girl slowly crawl out of your tv to kill you”
k im really bored. here goes.
“the future is history because but actually it isnt because bruce willis”
“the truth is out there. and by truth we mean aliens and stuff”
“Being the adventures of a young man whose principal interests are rape, ultra-violence and Beethoven.” – okay thats the actual tagline from that one, which is perfect
“Don’t go in the water unless you want to be eaten by a shark.”
“You’ll Believe A Man Can Fly! On a screen! With special effects!”
“He’s having the worst day of his life…over, and over…until it stops.”
Whoever saves one life has done a wonderful thing, but let’s not go overboard.
Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see.
“Nothing on Earth could come between them. Except class restrictions. And icebergs. And accusations of blue diamond-theft. And freezing to death because there isn’t enough room on the big door. Actually it was a pretty troubled relationship, now that I think about it.”
YOU won. SORRY, Gabe.
Moving at the speed of life, we are bound to collide with each other in a shitty movie written and directed by Paul Haggis.
I am officially the only Gumster who likes this movie.
you’re not the only one. SORRY GABE!
Thank goodnessgum!
A Spike Lee Movie. Because what the hell is “Joint” supposed to mean in this context anyway?
in case you were really wondering, “joint” can be used to refer to anything including a song (i.e. “that’s my joint”), an outfit, a food item, or a movie. it basically just means thing – but usually something you really like.
…also, penis.
There’s a wild thing in all of us but not literally, only metaphorically because eww this is a kids film not a Roman Polanksi documentary
“Only the “Old One” could teach him the secrets of masters, and how to be the best around”
Meet your ancestors who tell fart and masturbation jokes.
“Just when you think they’ll stop beating the shit out of Jesus, they continue to beat the shit out of Jesus.”
Bonus Decade Old Daily Show joke: “Hope Floats. So Does Poop. Poop is a lot more interesting than this movie.”
You Won’t Actually Believe a Man Can Fly
It’s 4AM, do you know where your car is? Yes.
There’s something wrong with Esther’s birth certificate.
Hang on for the comedy that goes to infinity and beyond; where “infinity” is the creepy kid’s house down the street and “beyond” is the toy store further down the street.
“Reality is a thing of the past AND SO will BE THE GOODWILL shown TOWARDS THIS film after WE MAKE a few more.”
“EARTH – Take a good look. It could be your last until ‘MERICA STEPS in to SAVE the day!”
This time there’s more…than one alien. That’s why the title is plural.
There are no accidents in Los Angeles, except for the hundreds and hundreds of daily accidents.
someone purposefully made a movie that shitty? snaps
In a Pressurized Spaceship With an Abundance of Oxygen, People Can Hear You Scream
Everyone has one special thing. This guy’s is a huge cock.
There are no clean getaways… in this movie; in other movies there are actually numerous clean getaways.
The greatest story ever misinterpreted through thousands of years of bad translations, twisted by Hollywood screenwriters, and played by an entire cast of white people.
We’ve Sensed It. We’ve Seen The Signs. Now… It’s Happening- M. Night Shyamalan Brings Us Yet Another Fucking Retarded Movie.
YOU WERE fuckin downvoted, LOOKS LIKE we got US SOME apologist ROUND THESE parts.
It was me. I actually meant to upvote, and right after I thought “oh, shit”. Sorry, guy. You can downvote mine.
i have many times accidentally downvoted things, so it’s all good. we all mess up. even m. night shyamalan messes up. although with him it’s more an inevitability of messing up due to rampant egotism and the inability to edit properly as opposed to a bad computer mouse, which is my problem.
OH OKAY that’s plenty FINE. I get THE SHIT downvoted OUT of me ALL the time (I THINK there ARE CERTAINLY some haters IN THESE parts), but I JUST CAN’T stand it WHEN it happens TO A good, HONEST AND funny American LIKE southernbitch.
In a world where everyone can only tell the truth … this guy can lie. Like when he told you this movie would be better than King Ralph.
“Work Sucks, but don’t worry, Milton is going to burn down the building”
there’s something about your first piece of sex.
his story will touch you. even though he can’t. because his hands are made out of scissors. hence the title of this movie. but you probably already gathered that. so this tagline is sort of redundant.
nothing on earth could come between them until one of them died.
One dream. Four Jamaicans. Twenty below zero… and John Candy.
This is Benjamin. He’s a little worried about his girlfriend finding out that he had sex with her mom.
“Be Afraid. Be very Afraid. No, seriously. Get to crapping your pants already!”
Georgia Rule:
In this family, attitude doesn’t skip a generation, but sass will not protect you from sexual abuse.
Poltergeist: They’re here. In the TV.
The Lake House:
How can you hold onto someone you’ve never met? Buckle up, you’re about to find out.
Through time traveling correspondence and a magical mailbox!
Life isn’t measured in minutes, but in moments, but seeing that this film is 166 minutes long and nothing really happens, good luck trying to find moment where you see the point of it.
The Butterfly Effect:
Change one thing, change everything. Change the channel.
The Last Kiss:
We all make choices, what’s yours? Mine was to sleep with a teenager because I’m afraid of adulthood. Fyi.
“I warned you not to go out tonight. Now you’re gonna get scalped.”
Reality is a thing of the past. Two crappy sequels are a thing of the future.
This film is set In Bruges
The clues are right in front of your eyes. And by eyes we mean Nicolas Cage as a cut rate Indiana Jones named Ben Franklin Gates. Benjamin Franklin was in history and Ben Franklin Gates likes history and they have the same name. It took a night of pounding Irish carbombs to come up with that.
Boondock Saints:
Brothers. Killers. Saints. Delusions of grandeur.
Dawn Of The Dead:
When there’s no more room in hell the dead will walk the Earth. Very very slowly.
Unless it’s the one with Ving Raimmes (is that how you spell his name? Also, who cares?), then they can fucking haul.
he wants to play games that progressively get more and more predictable, and he probably wants to play at least six of them.
“She’s evil… and not just high school evil. Eat your face for breakfast eviil”
Life is like a box of chocolates…retarded.
A man went looking for America and the soundtrack kicked fucking ass!
This is the weekend they wish they played golf because odds are they would not have been butt-raped playing golf, but the odds are really stacked against anyone getting butt-raped on a canoe trip, so maybe they just should have stayed home.
They’d never forget the day he drifted into town, probably because he killed like six dudes and raped a lady to celebrate, so it qualified as a pretty eventful day by anyone’s standards.
See it before you go swimming, if you are the type of person who doesn’t know movies aren’t real.
“The creators of JAWS and STAR WARS now bring you the ultimate hero in the ultimate adventure, turn it into a successful trilogy, then make a 4th movie 20 years later, starring the kid from TRANSFORMERS for some reason.
“Come to Laugh, Come to Cry, Come to Care, Come because you are dating a girl in 1983, and she has no interest in seeing Scarface.
No Matter Who Wins, Moviegoers Lose.
-Alien vs. Predator
28 Days Later: The days are numbered. As are the weeks. And possibly some more days after that.
Pet Semetery: Sometimes dead is better, on account of the murderous nature of recently reanimated corpses.
The most phenomenal discovery of our time… becomes the greatest adventure of all time.
I mean…it WAS the greatest adventure of all time! Empirical fact.
The Amityville Horror (2005): Based on the “true” story.
Labyrinth: Where everything seems possible and nothing is what it seems and most things are muppets.
What’s Eating Gilbert Grape: Arnie knows a secret. His big brother Gilbert is the greatest person on the planet. But Arnie’s retarded so you can’t take everything he says at face value.
Sometimes you have to go halfway around the world to have sex with Scarlett Johansen
They don’t have sex.
Sometimes you have to go halfway around the world to not finish watching this movie because it was a boring piece of shit so I just assumed they did “it’ at the end or whatever.
Sometimes you have to go halfway around the world to have fun at dinner, pussycake.
SPOILER ALERT Jesus CHRIST y’all PLEASE CHILL it with THAT.
” I see dead people, like you Bruce Willis.Duh.”
A homespun murder story with funny Midwestern accents. Because Midwesterners are funny.
A Steve Buscemi being put through a woodchipper can happen in the middle of nowhere.
eXistenZ: Play it. Live it. Kill for it. Just don’t pay for it.
The greatest fairy tale never told until we told you it just now. You owe us 12 dollars.
This time, it’s personal…because sharks have feelings and can follow you around the world.
God made him simple. Science made him a God. Now he makes all the phones in the world ring in unison.
Or in the ove(a)n.
Man, this made so much more sense when it was a reply to another comment.
Don’t worry, I understood exactly what you were talking about if that’s any consolation. I hope it is!
Hahaha, I thought the original misspelling was intentional.
Hahaha, I thought the original misspelling was intentional.
She brought a small town to its feet and a huge corporation to its knees by showing off her tits.
Don’t get him wet, keep him out of bright light, and never feed him after midnight, and other various deus ex machina.
“Whoever wins… We lose $10.95, plus whatever you spent on snacks and stuff.”
Everything you’ve heard is true. This movie is creepy and will probably give you motion sickness.
Life Is Beautiful: An unforgettable fable that proves love, family and imagination conquer all — except Nazi bullets to the face.
Say Anything: She’s got every thing going for her. He’s going for her with every thing he’s got. Which is a boombox and a career in kickboxing.
Would you erase me? Yes, but I’d regret it while it’s happening and we’d still manage to find each other again.
There’s something about your first piece of pie you put your penis in.
“Big Heart. Big Appetite. Big Trouble. Because he is a St. Bernard and he is loveable in his shenanigans.”
“Armageddon: Its closer then you think, but not really because there is 2 and a half hours of bullshit to get through first”
Nothing on Earth Could Come Between them, then the boat fucking sank...
In the Year of Darkness, 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the Past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. So pretty much just a machine based on Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Who are you gonna call when Huey Lewis and the News won?t write your theme song??Ghostbusters.
Don’t get him wet, keep him out of bright light, and never feed him after midnight because then you will see something truly evil. Basically treat him like your invalid racist grandfather.–Gremlins
Be afraid. Be very afraid. Also very grossed out.–The Fly
Reality is a thing of the past. Quality is a thing of the first of the series. Seriously, skip the second and the third film.?The Matrix
There’s something about your first piece. There?s also something about not running a film series into the ground without increasingly awful sequels. –American pie
…look closer and you?ll see how overrated this film was.?American Pie
The Fastest Hands In The East Meet The Biggest Mouth In The West Meet the Douchiest Director of All Time.?Rush Hour
Leave Your Inhibitions and Good Taste at the Door.?Showgirls
Houston, we have a problem. That problem is that we?re going to die in space. Probably.?Apollo 13
Hey, American Pie 3 was a funny, heart-warming film.
In October of 1999 three student filmmakers disappeared in the woods near Burkittsville, Maryland, while shooting a documentary. A year later, they made a shitty sequel.
Experience it. Enjoy it. Just don’t fall for it. Because, you’ll end up wearing the same jacket as Penny Lane for a year and those pictures are cringe inducing.
Heaven and Earth are about to take a 2 hour nap