Sorry, I know this is already OLD NEWS in Internet Time, but I am on California Time, also known as Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Juice Time. BREAKING: it’s delicious! Anyway, Dave spent most of his show last night referencing the whole “OK but I’m still doing a little better than Roman Polanski, though, right, you guys?” thing. You have to admit, a personal/professional life melt-down like this is rare to see! Although strangely not as rare as you might think! But anyway, it is like watching a slow-motion train wreck, if train wreck’s were sarcastic and hilarious.

Here is Dave cracking wise (and cracking a little :( ) in his monologue:

And here he is apologizing to his wife and the rest of his staff on air:

In any case, all of Southern California* is watching this scandal with rapt attention, because the idea of scandalous, morally questionable behavior is a foreign concept out here where the salt of the Earth sow the seeds of Ed Hardy stores. JUS’ FOLKS.

*Write what you know (for three days).

Comments (29)
  1. i enjoyed the shit out of that sneezing monkey.

    • I know! like how after he sneezes he looks off to the side like “you hear that?” ha ha. (hope you’re not being sarcastic cause i’m not)

  2. Why do they keep trotting him out there like this? Where is the referee? Call the match! We are lucky enough to live in a world with COMEDY AT 10! Thanks to the brilliant innovation of Jay Leno and his groundbreaking, desk-less show, we can go a few weeks without Letterman while he sorts his shit out.

  3. Its messed up that he took more time to apologize to the staff then the chick he was with for 30 years/baby mama

    • I’m sure he’s spent every hour of the past few days apologizing to his wife. That is more private than his staff he works on the show. By clearing that up on the show in front of everyone that will stop reporters from pestering them. His problems with his wife are assumed, he doesn’t need to make any more of a public display of them.


  4. Can’t we just watch Craig Ferguson instead?

    • I am forwarding this gif to Craig’s CBS website to see if he will marry me because of it. That is just romance logic. Thank you for the proposal gif!

    • Yes, lets move Craig Ferguson into the 11:30 time slot because Letterman retires. Then in a completely unbelievable move Letterman can say that he wants to bring comedy to the 10 o’clock hour because there isn’t comedy at 10 and that is what America wants, LAUGHS at 10. Then because President Obama is peeved about the Olympics still he can mandate that the Eastern Time Zone is going to shift an hour behind so that 10 will be the new 11!

  5. Reason #458 why I love Videogum: Headliners like these. Also, commenters posting gifs of Craig Ferguson’s Puppet Cold Open (reason 459).

  6. Looks like Dave slept on the couch last night ….
    (in his office)
    (with an employee)
    (ZING!)

  7. Ok, Gabe, so I know you’re busy in LA shopping for Ed Hardy and romancing Gwyneth but can we get a Gossip Girl recap plz? Last night’s ep was kind of glorious. Ty Ty AND Lizzie McGuire!

  8. If you’re going to keep insultingly comparing Letterman’s minor transgressions to Polanski’s ciminal acts, could you at least take the fucking apostrophe out of “train wreck’s”?

  9. I’m actually surprised Southern California is paying attention to this. I figured they’d just give it a quick glance and then get back to signing their Free Roman Polanski petitions.

  10. Anonymous  |   Posted on Oct 6th, 2009 -1

    Am I the only person that totally called that David Letterman cheated on his wife way before this whole scandal broke? You can tell just by the way he treats his female guests that he’s always been a complete skeazebag.

  11. I’ll say the same thing I say about adulterous politicians: Why is it our business, who gives a shit, and I find it downright gross that people apologize publicly. I could understand a public apology if you cheated on your wife in public. David Letterman isn’t my husband.. he’s the guy who makes jokes from the box in my living room. I don’t care what the guy in the box does with his personal life.

  12. Reason #856 to Love Conan O’brien: He, so far, has not taken a cheap shot at Dave for any of this and more than likely will keep it that way.

  13. I don’t CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRREEEEEEEEE

  14. I wonder what these people have to say about this, besides how Letterman probably raped all of his interns with his mouth because he hates America and Jay Leno is finally on early enough for granny to watch too.

  15. I think we’re all over looking a big problem. Steve Martin still is playing in that banjo band of his.

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