It’s all fun and games until some Jigsaw uses the Bluetooth Bear to call his victims. Saw XIV: Oh Yes, There Will Be Bluetooth Bear. “This Bluetooth Bear was meant to receive calls, not make them.”

What a nightmare thing this thing is! “Do you want to call your daddy on the Bluetooth Bear?” No. “Do you want to cut out the Bluetooth Bear’s eyes with scissors and throw what is left of Bluetooth Bear into the fire.” Yes. “Do you then want to take the ashes of Bluetooth Bear deep into the woods and bury them in a deep hole, and cover that hole with a druid’s stone so that the evil that rests there can never be awakened?” Yes, mommy. Please! “OK, but you should know that a druid’s stone might not be powerful enough. We might never be able to contain the evil of Bluetooth Bear.” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Comments (32)
  1. THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!

  2. Make sure those are protection runes inscribed on the druid’s stone.

  3. N.W.A cassette in your sisters Teddy Ruxpin while she sleeps > Bluetooth Bear.

  4. Kid: YOU’RE CRAZY.
    Uncle Luke: Hahahahaha. I know.
    Um. I need to go shower of the creepy that I’m now coated with.

    • BTB: “ring, ring”
      HJO: “hello”
      BTB: [dances around a little]
      HJO: “hello?”
      BTB: “you have aids.”
      BTB: [dances around a little more.]

  5. Granted the bear is a little creepy but you have to admit that that script was gold.

  6. The sad thing is, is that conversation is more sincere than any conversation I’ve ever had with my girlfriend.

  7. Just a totally normal, naturalistic conversation between family members.
    “Do you like it when I dance? I like it when I dance.”

  8. Wow.. these voice actors are not very good!

    I remember when I was little, my parents had bought me a little walking doll. They thought I’d love it. So they put some batteries in it and turned it on. And when it started moving I ran out of the room screaming. I didn’t want to get back in to the room untill my parents got rid of that scary thing.
    So yeah, no talking bears for me…

  9. I stopped the video at about 0:08, assumed they were calling 2 live crew and smiled.

    Then I gave in and watched the rest. It’s cool to find out you were right.

  10. This is what happens when America tries cute technology. We should just leave it to the Japanese.

  11. never before has so much excitement (OH MY GOD IT’S SO CUTE I WANT IT) turned into so much horror (OH GOD THIS SEEMS CHILD PORNY SOMEHOW) so quickly for me.

  12. Did you hear how the lady said “oot” for “out”? This fucking thing is Canadian. I told you motherfuckers they were coming for us.

  13. Teddy Ruxpin has been turned into a Chuckie-like Terminator doll. Ugh.

  14. Do. you. have to [dance dance] talk this. creepy and. jIIlted. [dance] for it’s. dev.il. face to. catch-up with. your. words? ha.ha.

  15. Sadly, if this thing catches on, there will be a generation of children growing up thinking their permanently-away-on-business parents are anthropomorphic nightmare bears.

  16. Finally, the future of Furry phone sex accoutrement is here.

  17. Something something cell phone on vibrate something something sodomize the teddy bear.

    It’s the little connecting parts of the joke that I’m having Trouble with.

  18. Freckles  |   Posted on Oct 2nd, 2009 +1

    This looks like a really fun toy. I know what I will be getting everyone for Christmas this year! SSSSSHHHHH don’t tell cuz its a secret ; )

  19. electricgibbon  |   Posted on Oct 2nd, 2009 0

    I would pay good money for the Charles Lee Ray bluetooth doll.

  20. Isn’t this the plot for that new Bruce Willis movie? Where he lives his life as a balding, rough-and-tumble wiseacre vicariously through the teddy bear?

    • teevee  |   Posted on Oct 3rd, 2009 +1

      I don’t know about Bruce Willis but I know Mel Gibson is starring in a movie where he has his hand up a wiseass British beaver puppet… Old people these days.

  21. Mom: “Wow! Mary has been talking to Uncle Lou for hours and that bear is still dancing!”
    Dad: “Where ever did you find those batteries?”
    Mom: “Where did…I thought you put batteries in it?”
    Dad: “No…It wasn’t me”
    Bear: “Will you come closer mary? I want to tell a secret to my new best friend!”
    Dad and Mom: “MARY NO!”

  22. Annnnd I threw up from fright.

  23. I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me, but this is my favorite post in a real long time.

  24. If you think this is scary, you should see 802.11 Draft-N Elmo.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.