Jessica Alba is in discussions to join the third installment in the Meet the Parents series. Now, the most important thing, of course, is that there is going to be A THIRD INSTALLMENT IN THE MEET THE PARENTS SERIES. Thank goodness. Basically the best series of films of all time*, and they should keep making them forever because they’re important and we need them. But it’s great that one of the most intelligent actresses of all time is joining the ensemble. From the Hollywood Reporter:

[Jessica Alba] is in negotiations to join the Ben Stiller-Robert DeNiro comedy “Little Fockers.” She’d play the role of an attractive pharmaceutical rep whose looks wreak havoc on male characters in the story.

The picture is expect to pick up where 2004′s Meet the Fockers left off, with Stiller’s Gaylord Focker and Teri Polo’s Pamela Byrnes having a child (or children — reports abound that they could be having twins).

Reports abound! But while pretty much everyone has been talking about how many make believe babies are in the make believe womb of a make believe character, the more important issue appears to have gotten very little attention: what will Jessica Alba’s awkward, double-entendre laden last name be?

  • Ashley Hole
  • Megan Widekunt (“It’s pronounced widdekoont. This movie is terrible.”)
  • Julie Loves Bigcock (“Loves is my mother’s name, and my father is 1/8 Cherokee. This movie is terrible.”)
  • Sarah Diarrheastein
  • Eleanor Blowdudesevelt
  • Kate AIDS

I’m sure it will be one of those.

*One time I was waiting in a line behind two NYU students who did not know each other but had struck up a friendly, semi-flirtatious conversation. The girl kept asking the guy about recent movies. “Have you seen Requiem for a Dream?” she asked. The guy shook his head, “no.” “Oh,” she said, “it’s really powerful. Super intense. Have you seen Dancer in the Dark?” Again, the guy said no. “Bjork is amazing in it, and Lars Von Trier is probably one of the most interesting directors working today.” There was a long pause, and finally the guy said, “Have you seen Meet the Parents?” The girl, clearly disappointed and turned off, said that she had not. “OH MAN!” the guy said, “it’s so funny. So, like, Ben Stiller goes to like meet the parents, and imagine the worst that things could possibly get in that situation. OK? Imagine, like the worst case scenario? Yeah, well, it gets so much worse than that.”


Don’t get me wrong, Ms. Anthology Film Archives wasn’t any better than Mr. Meet the Parents. They were both ridiculous. It’s just a funny story for you. ONLY IN NEW YORK, PROBABLY.

Comments (54)
  1. Henrietta Dick

  2. Michelle. Michell Cumstein, great gal.

    Ty Webb Pictures, Images and Photos

  3. Whoopi Rape-rape

  4. Mildred Anal (“It’s pronounced AY-NAL. This movie is terrible.”)

  5. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  6. Heywooda Jublowme

  7. Tila Tequila
    (I don’t think I’m doing this right)

  8. Ivana Newagent.

  9. Amanda Hugginkiss (because it’s a terrible movie, and why should I bother being original.)

  10. Connie. Connie Lingis

  11. Gerbil Upperbut – Gerbil is so cute!

  12. Dan  |   Posted on Sep 30th, 2009 0

    Too bad Ivana Humpalot was taken.

  13. C. Alice Viagra. Cause she’s a pharmaceutical rep. And she gives all the old dudes boners. Get it? (you get it.)

  14. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  15. Dax Shepard

  16. Candi Bahr if she’s English.
    Pulya Pantzov if she’s Russian.

  17. I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells annnnd… I like to kiss my own butt.

  18. Mulva.

  19. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  20. Lindsay Lohan.

  21. bjorn tufloss [sic] asspyoobs

  22. Jessica Bumgardner (Jessica pronounced ‘I am a’)

  23. Nipsie Areolis. It’s Greek.

  24. Hanna Jobb. It’s awful.
    Sookie Cox. It’s more awful.

  25. Stacy Sexasaurus Rex
    “We come from a proud tradition of mighty dinosaurs with even mightier labidos.”

  26. Anita Mahon.

  27. JT  |   Posted on Sep 30th, 2009 +15

    This thread reads like the VIP list at a drag queen convention.

  28. I mean, “Meet the Parents” wasn’t directed by Alfonso Cuaron, but it wasn’t “Paul Blart: Mall Cop”, either. The second one pretty much was. But I don’t s

  29. Labia Von Pubis

  30. Roman Polanski.

  31. Boobs McFaceBoobs

  32. Yeah, outside of New York we don’t have conversations about movies, and people flirting with each other always have similar tastes.

    • I get your point, but I don’t think that’s what Gabe was talking about. I mean, imagine that conversation happening in Lexington, KY. As much as I love Kentucky, no.

      • I have no problem imagining that conversation happening in Lexington, KY. It really wasn’t that impressive of a conversation. I don’t mean to pick on you, but perhaps your experience is too limited.

        • Looking back over my comment, yeah. Lexington actually has a lot of college kids and artisty types so it’s not so much of a stretch to imagine that conversation happening there.
          I feel like today is just a bad day for me, comment-wise. Wahhmbulance.

    • langford  |   Posted on Sep 30th, 2009 +11

      Gabe was the guy. He then went home and looked up all those movies and vowed to make himself snarky and pretentious enough to impress her. But then she died ’cause that was like 50 years ago. /youcanmakeitup

  33. Vagina Barbell and her amazing assistant Ben Waballs

  34. Phyllis Cup-Tulane (because now she’s a nurse and wants either your yellow or your swimmers.)
    Calliope Shithade (“it’s pronounced Shit-head”)
    or, and I think teh best:
    Imma Leyu-Finnish (because this is a terrible movie and, more importantly, whatever happened to that Kanye West guy? One can only assume he is in a better place)

  35. Torah Hyman

  36. Mrs. Slocombe

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