Check out the movie poster for Dwayne Johnson’s new movie, Tooth Fairy. Very powerful stuff. I’m sure members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences see this poster and are like “honey, pass me my ballot. I’m submitting my nominees for all of the Academy Awards early this year.” The movie just sounds really good:

A bad deed on the part of a tough minor-league hockey player (Johnson) results in an unusual sentence: He must serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy.

Well, that explains the tooth fairy’s ice skates and knee pads? But one week? I could serve one week as a real-life tooth fairy in my sleep.

Look, Dwayne Johnson, if you want to make a movie about the Tooth Fairy, go ahead and make a movie about the Tooth Fairy. Literally no one is stopping you. You can even save yourself the 10 minutes it would take to come up with an interesting or clever name and just call it Tooth Fairy. But let us be clear on something: your name is The Rock. This has been pointed out before, but enough with the “serious actor” thing. The closest you ever got was Southland Tales, and we know how that turned out.

UNLESS Tooth Fairy is a gripping examination of the military’s legal and moral flexibility in the pursuit of America’s self-defense, in which case, nevermind. (Poster via Daemon’sMovies.)

Comments (30)
  1. That all being said, they are probably correct with the whole “[I] can’t handle the tooth” thing.

  2. You typed “Toot Fairy” at one point, which the seven-year-old inside me chuckled heartily at; the jaded old person on the outside is still busy scoffing at this movie idea.

  3. Ironic that his career switch took him from actor pretending to be an athlete to actor pretending to be an athlete.

  4. Why can’t we handle the tooth? Is this a riddle?

  5. Charming  |   Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 +6

    Eh, I don’t know, on the one hand, yeah, he’s still The Rock and always will be, but on the other – he really is the only pro wrestler who managed to create a legitimate career in Hollywood. Not about to hold up his body of work as masterpieces of cinema or anything, but dude has had a pretty good number of hits, especially with family genre stuff. Sure, none of us saw Race to Witch Mountain or whatever, but lots of people did and I think, to those people, he actually is a star as Dwayne Johnson. So, if he wants to go with that, I don’t think it’s all that rediculous.

    • sir, that is not part of a legitimate career. please take off the WWE goggles.

      • Charming  |   Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 +5

        Hey, I’ll have you know I’m not a “sir.” And um, WWE goggles?

        Look, I was not saying “legitimate” = “great movies.” I was using legitimate in the sense of having a reasonably successful movie career. My point was actually that the movies he’s been more successful with have been kid-type movies where the target audience is generally too young to even remember him from WWE. That’s all.

        And, no, I cannot believe I just spent that much time on defending Dwayne Johnson’s right to use his name if he wants to.

    • uh, hello? Roddy Piper?

  6. You just know the bad deed had to do with him knocking out people’s teeth, hocky style. You know this. And you hate that you do.

  7. Maybe if we act fast we (internet community?) can pull off some Snakes on a Plane style collective screenwriting. I vote for “Get these motherfucking teeth out this motherfucking boy!” But open to suggestions.

  8. Ugh. This is definitely worse than Snow Dogs.

  9. The tag for Dwayne Johnson has 5 posts, The Rock only 3.
    Practice what you preach, Gabe.

  10. i think the wwf holds the copyright to his wrestling name. i heard that scary lady wrestler (the one from vh1 circa 2004) talking about it once. so they can only refer to the fact that they wrestled under that name, but cant use it professionally.

  11. It doesn’t matter what his name is.

  12. I think he probably just wants a disconnect between his characters. The Rock was a character he played in the WWE where he perked his eyebrow and asked if people could smell his cooking. He doesn’t want people watching his family films to think its going to be the Rock onscreen like it was with the Hulkster. Seems aight to me. Plus he seems like a cool guy.

  13. I can’t figure out what’s going on with his outfit. It’s like half-Cylon, half-angel, half-asshole.

  14. Okay, Hollywood is just reaching for anything as source material now. The Tooth Fairy? Yeah, we can stretch that to 90 minutes. I can’t wait until “Trix: The Movie” when the rabbit finally catches up to those damn kids

  15. Ugh, he should kill himself for this. If only his pimpage would allow it.

  16. Product  |   Posted on Sep 21st, 2009 +1

    I don’t care if he changes his name to Laurence Olivier, his movies still suck. “You can’t handle the tooth”, really? Clearly there aren’t any good scripts coming his way, so he’s taking whatever he can get.

  17. Has anyone responsible for making this movie ever seen a pic of the tooth fairy? Because with those wings he looks more like the “Tooth Seraphim.”

  18. “But let us be clear on something: your name is The Rock.”

    I cracked up at this. Because his name clearly isn’t “The Rock”. That would be silly.

  19. Am I the only one who wants to warn him that hopes that the same thing that happened to Kirstie Alley is going to happen to him after this movie???

  20. I was quite impressed when he heard Dwayne Johnson to play in the movie Tooth Fairy, very funny.

    This was much better than I ever thought it would be. Dwayne Johnson did an exceptional job making a remarkable tale completely believable.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.