I guess the original video footage of Baseball Hall-of-Famer George Brett chatting it up with the boys about how much he shits his pants is old. It’s weird that in my insatiable hunger for all things sports, I somehow missed the original. Very, very weird. I love sports and I love things having to do with sports. Anyone who knows me will tell you, “Oh, Gabe? Total sportshead. He particularly loves when athletes win points.” But even if you have already seen the original video, then this autotune remix offers you something new. And if you haven’t seen the original video, OH MY GOODNESS, YOU ARE ABOUT TO WATCH A REALLY SPECIAL VIDEO.

That story is probably the exact perfect length. It couldn’t have been any shorter. It probably wouldn’t have even made any sense if he’d left out any of the details. You wouldn’t even get the GIST of it. Get it all out (I mean the story! Get the whole story out! In your pants!).

Also, why is George Brett so fucking confident about how much he shits his pants? (TWICE A YEAR?) Is there a chapter on shitting your pants in The Secret, or something? Every time he shits his pants, there’s a new bike waiting for him on the porch? Didn’t anyone ever tell him that sometimes being confident means NOT talking about shitting your pants? (Thanks for the tip, Max.)

Comments (28)
  1. It’s the stuff that dreams are made of.

  2. first, fjm reunion. now the poet laureate of kansas city in autotune.
    does today get any better?

  3. I am amazed to discover that this post did not initiate the “shit” tag.

  4. This the best thing ever! Made even more enjoyable because as a Yankee fan, I have always hated George Brett. Pine tar incident.

    Again I show my age.

  5. What is a double tapered shit????

  6. True story. This wins all the everythings. Even Kanye approves.

  7. Say what you want about a man who shits his pants, but that fucker can tell a goddamn story.

  8. Where can I find that disco clip at?

  9. JMAC  |   Posted on Sep 16th, 2009 +3

    Oops George Brett–that wasn’t pine tar, was it.

    and the world comes full circle.

  11. I used The Secret to make this post appear

  12. Gabe, was the first paragraph a reference to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEVdca9U9LM ?

  13. Yikes! Too good to be true!

  14. Well, I’m glad the age-old question “to clench or not to clench” has been answered, In the end, it doesn’t matter!

  15. Well, he shit himself and he’s in the Hall of Fame. One more thing you could’ve done right, Pete Rose!

  16. When somebody mimes poo exploding out of their ass and trickling down their leg, isn’t it your responsibility as a human being to tell this person that their story is “fucking gross” and “nobody wants to hear about your inability to hold it in”?

    What’s even the point of being on a team if they aren’t going to be looking out for each other.

  17. I made it to 0:53. That made me veryyyy uncomfortable.


  19. this is something fucking special. someone is a secret comedic genius! the chariots of fire clip was a nice touch.

  20. The only problem is he just blew his cover. Now the whole team knows whose shit-puddle shoes they’ve been finding lying around the dugout. (Baseball words. Because I’m a scientist)

  21. Yo George, I’m really happy for you, and Ima let you finish…but Hugh Jackman had the best accidental bodily function of all time!

  22. This reaffirms my belief in humanity.

  23. I guess if you’re going to shit your pants as often as George Brett does you have to have confidence?

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