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Takers trailer, you guys:

Between yesterday’s poster (There’s Something Wrong With Takers) and this, it seems pretty clear that Hollywood’s cut and paste button (it’s a button now) is completely broken. Caved in. “Doctor, we cutted and pasted ourselves to death.” I mean, besides the fact that this is obviously just an hour and a half of cobbled together heist movie cliches (“think Black Ocean’s 11 meets Black Italian Job“), this trailer is a mess. I love in the first five seconds when you just hear audio of Idris Elba saying “money” clearly clipped from the middle of an actual sentence and just dropped in for no reason. Meanwhile, T.I. clearly graduated from the acting school where your most important technique is really memorizing all of the words you have to say. Unlike Chris Brown, whose talent all natural. When it comes to hitting someone inside of a car, you just turn on the camera and watch him run it. Shawty got me on and ZINGIN’.

Fandango.

Comments (64)
  1. Thats odd people don’t usually make movies completely out of all the worst takes possible

  2. “The street blew up!” That’ll do, that’ll do.

  3. The misTakers

  4. I think Hayden’s hat needs it’s own super fast and cool text intro. That thing is everywhere!

  5. Walking away from explosions in slow motion at :41!

  6. among many many many things, i would suggest that Matt Dillion stop smoking cigarets. And I refuse to touch on the rest, because I’m not a racist.

  7. Ugh. Okay, I am willing to suspend reality enough so that I can believe Idris Elba and a slew of bad actors/musicians COULD rob banks. But I also have to believe that they are all fucking acrobats who can leap over cars and slip through windows? FUCK OFF HOLLYWOOD!

  8. Just when you thought Chris Brown was at rock-bottom…

  9. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • The Ocean’s 11 team had two blacks: don cheadle and bernie mac (sleep well, bernie), which makes the team 18.18% percent black. When considering that the American population is 13.4% black, this seems like fair representation. BUT 5 AND A HALF OF THOSE THIEVES SHOULD HAVE BEEN FEMALE!!! 1.63 SHOULD HAVE BEEN HISPANIC!!! 8 SHOULD HAVE BEEN LOW TO LOWER MIDDLE CLASS !!! THAT’S ALREADY OCEANS 16.63 AND I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO THOSE LIVING WITH DIABETES OR IN DUAL-EARNER HOUSEHOLDS!!!!!

      • You’ve won, Sir. You’ve won.

      • good points, BUT it is pretty offensive to call any film that has more minorities than whites a “fill in the blank w/ a minority” film. i mean, while most films produced are made with an almost exclusively white cast, no one bothers to label them as white movies. so if you don’t label one, then why label the other? it’s lame, no matter how many stat you put up.

        • to be fair, if it was an all white cast, it would still be a sad rehashed plot made of bits of other heist films. noting that the cast includes black actors is one of the only ways one can distinguish this from every single other ‘one last big score by a charismatic team of very talented lovable ne’er-do-wells but uh-oh shit just got real and this tough as nails good guy won’t stop until those guys are brought to justice’ film ever made.

      • As mentioned by someone a couple weeks ago, I always assumed that you were a girl, ’cause sloths=cute as balls; cute as balls=reminiscent of Lindsay; Lindsay=girl, so sloths=girl? (logic?) But you corrected us, and I guess you’re a boy now… I was suspicious, but now that I’ve witnessed your superior math skillz–I know it’s gotta be true! #sexistmisconceptionsgum #convolutedlogic

  10. At least somebody realized, “Hey, Idris Elba is even hotter when he uses his real accent! Women ages 25-45 will be drawn to our movie!” I almost saw Obsessed because of him. Almost.

    Get on with it, muthaf…

  11. I heard they had a camera crew just follow TI around for a few months instead of bringing him in to shoot scenes.

  12. “Easy, Jake. I’m here to discuss the future.” (This is my new standard greeting when walking into a room.)

    • The best line.

      Like, when he said that, my mind was blown, because i immediately thought “Um….bank heist movie with time travel twist? In the future i have already paid to see this movie 10 times”

  13. I love that Chris Brown (life-time rapper and R&B artist) gets billing over Hayden Christianson (life-long actor, failure-artist).

  14. Small Town Sherriff  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 +5

    Was this movie filmed in a KMART?? Cuz BLUE LIGHT.

  15. Yes. They are definitely takers. I want my two minutes!

  16. So Bernie Mac and Don Cheadle aren’t black (Oceans 11)? and Mos Def isn’t either (The Italian Job)? I think the idea behind that joke was that this movie is taking the plots of those movies and rehashing them with a PREDOMINANTLY black cast. There are lots of movies that feature plenty of African Americans, but this is a caper ala Oceans Eleven and The Italian Job with the only real difference being that the main actors are mostly black.

  17. Can’t T.I. he happy with being a horribly famous, successful and horrible rapper? Does he have to do this too? It would have been bad enough without him, but now it looks like a horrible action parody trailer shot for the VMAs.

  18. I get prizes for each use of the word “horrible,” right?

  19. obviously chris brown took mumbling classes with weezy.

  20. and the sad thing is, I bet this movie makes at least a million dollars.

  21. “I never said we were friends.” Let’s be clear, T.I. is not here to make friends.

  22. Man, I sure find T.I. believable as whatever his character is supposed to be.

  23. I found Paul Walker’s neck, you guys.

  24. Boy I really can’t take Hayden Christensen seriously in that hat. Come to think of it, he’s pretty hard to take seriously anyway.

  25. I think the first rule of film making should be never hire a guy without a wikipedia page to direct. Unless of course its a new attempt at viral marketing.

  26. Don Cheadle’s “Cockney” accent : Ocean’s 11 :: Hayden Christensen’s hat : Takers

  27. I think the point is not how many black people are in the cast, but from this trailer it appears that the shenanigans are being RUN by black guys, that they are in charge, not just on the crew.

    I feel bad for Idris Elba though, he probably thought he was signing on to a descent movie and then he got the news “Whoops, one of your co-stars is going to jail for having all the guns, and another loves beating women beyond recognition. Guess you’re stuck with the guy who ruined Star Wars, some dude nobody knows, and the fucking Fast and Furious guy with no neck in the poster. Sorry to use up most of your The Wire goodwill.”

    • I don’t think anyone from the Wire will ever use up their goodwill. Every time I watch it, I just respect everyone involved more and more, regardless of what they’re currently involved in.

      But yeah, I’m pretty sure Omar and Mouzone were trying to prevent this movie from being made when they did what needed doing.

  28. My love of heist pictures and Stringer Bell is in DIRECT CONFLICT with my hatred of Fake Anakin Skywalker and Total Bullshit.

  29. My love of heist pictures and Stringer Bell is in DIRECT CONFLICT with my hatred of Fake Anakin Skywalker and Total Bullshit.

  30. Money.

  31. stringer bell? yes.
    paul walker? never.

    the lines between good and bad are often blurred, though…as ‘the wire’ has taught me. let’s go to the movies, everybody!

  32. Dear Stringer Bell,
    Stop ruining your legacy.

    kthxbai.

  33. We got McNaulty doing Punisher movies
    Barksdale in Next Day Air
    Daniels in Fringe
    Carcetti in 12 Rounds
    and now Stringer in this?

    Life outside the trap aint what it used to be. All our hopes rest on Bodie now. Bring home that oscar kid.

  34. Yes, it does not look good. Could I ask the movie trailer people out there to please stop this technique of having a shot, then slowly fading to black, and then fading slowly back in, and then slowly back to black again EVERY CLIP? Please?

    I think this film needed some David Caruso.

  35. Look, I’m not photoshop genius or anything.
    But if you have Matt Dillon for you movie, you’re gonna want him to sell it:

    That only took me 5 hours.

    • I made this before Swayze died. He was like my Photoshop muse I guess.
      (PAtrick Swayze is not in “Takers.” I added his face in post production photo manipulation. It just felt like he SHOULD be in the movie along with the rest of the Outsiders. Just so we’re all clear about that.)

  36. as you can see, I also do a little freelance inter-web graphical layout design work.
    Mostly for the government.

  37. It just wouldn’t be a mildly racist movie if an African American wasn’t forced to say “DAAAAAAMN!!!”

  38. You know, I would laugh at this more if action movies had ever been really good and not just lots of racial stereotypes and romanticizing crime and walking away from explosions.

    And slow motion. Can’t forget that.

  39. Casey  |   Posted on Sep 15th, 2009 0

    Romero’s bull-fighting gave real emotion, because he kept the absolute purity of line in his movements and always quietly and calmly let the horns pass him close each time. He did not have to emphasize their closeness. Brett saw how something that was beautiful done close to the bull was ridiculous if it were done a little way off. Romero had the old thing. When he walked away from the exploding bull in slow-motion, there was purity in the way he did it. It was a good bull-fight.

  40. pete  |   Posted on Sep 16th, 2009 0

    “ikilledmichael”, you are a genius.

    The big frickin’ McMansions the guys were living in were very realistic, ’cause of course if you’re a big-time thief who might not want to attract a lot of attention from the authorities that’s the first thing you’d buy. Yep, none of the people involved with this have seen The Wire. Or Goodfellas.

    The best part was after two minutes of explosions and cars blowing up was catching the name of the production company: Rainforest Films! :D

  41. Freckles  |   Posted on Sep 16th, 2009 0

    This is the movie that Michael Mann tried to make with “Heat” but he didn’t have the balls to go full retard.

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