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These women are keeping very busy in their world that doesn’t make any sense. Like, Lisa is starting her own fashion line (no word this season on her real estate company, or her jewelry line? One must assume that they are both just going gangbusters, probably) but I don’t even know what that means because she doesn’t seem to be designing or making any of the clothes. Someone comes over and shows her the clothes she’s making and Lisa says “I like that. Go ahead, I trust you.” Is that how fashion works? Why doesn’t the lady who’s actually making the clothes just make the clothes and then she can be a fashion designer? Nevermind, I’m sure I’m being ridiculous. (I am not sure that I am being ridiculous). It’s the same thing with Kim and her burgeoning white-woman wig company.

See, she invites over a hair-dresser (who wears high heels because Upside-Down Town) to talk about her wig company.

He’s the most fabulous person in all of lower-southeastern-suburban-Atlanta, I’m sure. Anyway, Kim wanted to talk to him because she’s “real ambitious about starting this company.” I’m sure that sentence is perfectly correct and makes sense. But for someone so ambitious about starting the company, she doesn’t have any idea how anything works? So the guy just starts pulling wigs out of his bag and is like “here are a bunch of wigs that I made because I am a professional and I know about wigs,” and Kim is like “great now I have a company.” I just don’t understand! Do you really need to have gone to business school to understand Atlanta entrepreneurship? Why doesn’t the guy in the high heels just start his own wig company? Why would he give all of his wig expertise to a woman whose face looks like it is sliding off of her skull, like Taye Diggs in the climactic battle of Equilibrium?




Anyway, in order to test out the wigs for her new company, or whatever the fuck is even going on with these wigs, Kim throws a wig party. She keeps going into a closet to try on new wigs, as if we don’t know that she already wears a wig, and as if her head mid-wig could possibly look any worse than her head always looks. She seriously is so clueless about how gross her face is. I know that’s a mean thing to say, but she really is a terrible, disgusting nightmare, who is self-obsessed and completely un-self-aware and I have no sympathy left for her attention-craving disaster of a life. Yuck.

In any case, Nene does a pretty good Kim impersonation.

She will be at Caroline’s in Times Square all next week (she will not be at Caroline’s in Times Square all next week).

Meanwhile, Kandi has a couple of producers over to talk about “Tardy for the Party,” which she has agreed to produce for Kim for some reason. They listen to a beat that we all have on our iPods now. The producers want to know who is going to sing the song, and she explains that Kim wants to sing it, despite the fact that she has never heard Kim sing, and that when she asked Kim to sing for her, Kim got really evasive and weird like someone who had just stolen a wig off of a dead body. But Kandi insists that their skill as talented record producers is to be able to make anyone sound good. The producers are unconvinced.

“Uh….”

“Uh…”

And now it is time for Lisa’s fashion show. Everyone who is everyone is going to be there, which mostly means Nene, Dwight, and Lisa’s husband. Dwight becomes Professor Fashion all of a sudden, and spends the whole show talking shit about Lisa’s poorly-made (says Dwight) designs (which she did not make or design).

Sure, Dwight. You weirdo. Although, he did have a point when he complained that a traditional runway is supposed to focus the eye on the clothing, not be cluttered with what look to be the props from a recent Community Theater production of Death of a Salesman.

Anyway, the one person who does not show up to the fashion show is Sheree, who is obviously upset that when Lisa decided to do a fashion show she actually provided fashion. Sheree knows that the key to a good fashion show is not having any clothes there whatsoever. Having clothes at your fashion show just misses the whole point. (Sheree is retarded.) But eventually Sheree does show up, two hours late. One of the stylists or whatever is like “Sheree, how are you going to show up two hours late, that is disrespectful and I know that you did that on purpose,” which is true. But if there is one thing that Sheree hates more than looking like a creature from The Mummy 2, it is being told something that is true about herself. She gets very mad at this man and tells him that he is being ridiculous. The man insists that he is not being ridiculous and that it is Sheree who is being ridiculous, and also very rude, as he already pointed out. Sheree is incredulous and combative, because Sheree is a miserable, disgusting human being.

What a shitty, shitty asshole she is.

Comments (19)
  1. Sheree’s delusions know no bounds. I’m not even sure she’s in ATL right now. She might be occupying space in some weird Shereeverse due to a glitch in quantum theory. Whatever, she’s still a bitch. Glad, Lisa straight up dissed her at the end. Also, Lisa’s ‘fashion’ was wretched. That purple jumpsuit thing she was wearing made it look like she had chest hair!

  2. Is this real life?!

  3. Oh, so that’s why I’ve been acting to crazy all these years. I’m taking off this blond wig right now!

  4. What does this post have to do with modernization and economic protectionism? Oh…spelling is important.

  5. kw  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 +8

    Okay, guys. How do I put this tactfully? Kim’s hard-looking, aggressively-oversized titties offend my sensibilities. Ugh. Get those things outta my face, you un-self-aware non-trepreneur!

  6. “I really do believe that blonde wigs make you go crazy!”

    No NeNe, four bottles of white wine a day makes you go crazy. Also, how has child services not arrested any of the women on this show?

  7. Does anything else have to be said? (Nothing else needs to be said.)

  8. Here’s what I like: the doomsday music that starts playing in the background at the point when Nene’s wig-play crosses the line. Dum dum dummmm indeed!

  9. Judy Jenkins  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 +2

    Gabe- please stop doing recaps of Real Housewives and start doing Rachel Zoe project recaps? I feel like your abillities as a writer have surpassed this show

  10. GERALDO's pubes  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 -1

    Dear Gabe,
    ATL is a land of hustlers gabe. including golddigger/skeletor kim. Unlike most rich people, upper crust black folk and new money suburbia white folk still have relatives, hair designers, weed connects, etc that are on the lower rung that they actually turn to for favors. So the ‘hookup” often leads to someone’s random hustle (see Kim’s nanny) getting a lucky break from a “celebrity” in atlanta

    Because most folk in ATL have two or three hustles–have you seen the outfits, these hustles pop up all the time. Your boy the wig expert probably just got a flamboyant granny he help out; his cousin from bankhead met kim at Lenox, and bam. wig expert got a job and tv airtime.

    not smart at all but isn’t this the stimulus we all hoped for

    h

  11. Lisa’s Tired-Ass-Clown-Hooker look is so in right now.

  12. I didn’t know Wayne Brady was a music producer.

  13. Quand Gabe obtiendra demandé à faire un Rôti central de comédie? Il excellerait!

  14. i hate when my blonde wig squeezes my brain and causes me to make a complete ass of myself.

  15. Kim’s use of the word “volumptious” was perplexing. I was taught that the m is silent.

  16. My boyfriend did the wig guys tattoo like 12 years ago or something. I want a white girl wig…what was his name? I wonder how to get in touch?

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