Oh babies. With their malleable approach to language and their fixation on the minute bodily functions that govern their day-to-day lives. Of course, within the blink of history’s eye, these little angels will be sitting on a ratted out couch with a glass of whiskey in their hand, drips of condensation leaving damp rings on the work trousers they couldn’t be bothered to change out of, staring blankly at a humming television as they listlessly riffle through the mental cold case file of their dreams, wondering where it had all gone. Maybe they will heat something in the microwave, it’s the more sensible option. They eat out more than they can afford already. They do everything more than they can afford. No one ever told them it would be like this. By then, a bathroom will no longer represent the monumental task of the day, but perhaps a momentary reprieve from the drudgery of their desk, a brief and silent (almost) escape from a haranguing boss, or the dull throb of a post-lunch headache, anything to get away for a moment. Sometimes they sit on the toilet even when they don’t have to go, just for the brief spell of hard-fought lightening of despair. But all that is still a few inevitable and not-as-boundless-as-they-seem years away. For now, A CELEBRATION OF WEES AND BUTTS! (Via FourFour.)

Comments (27)
  1. Way to make a cute video HELLA depressing, Little Lord Gabriel.
    Anyway, I was hoping one of these kids would say they had to take a shit or a dump. But alas!

  2. Elmo’s a pervo.

  3. Who knew Elmo was so immature, he can’t even hold it together on his own show he HAD to laugh at some kids saying poop, I’m getting sick of his bullshit. All of a sudden your too good for everyone, and your going to act like sometimes when your sleeping the pee doesn’t come out of you! Well sir why don’t you take a hint from that bear wearing a bib and be a professional for once.

  4. My 2 year-old is gonna grow up and be just like Gabe.. updating his website while sitting on the pooper.

  5. Oh, and Gabe calls it ‘peeping’?

  6. When you check out the related videos for this clip, you see a video called “Chris Brown and Elmo” where Elmo asks kids what they call it when daddy hits mommy with a closed fist. I haven’t watched it but I heard it ends with Elmo asking the same question to Chris Brown, with Brown answering, “I call it ‘not remembering what happened’,” and he winks to Elmo and Elmo, like the company monster he is, winks back.

  7. It’s neat to know that Gabe had a regular people job before this whole blogging thing. Either that or he spies on me when I come home from work. Etither way.

  8. Did anyone else catch that that girl who’s like, “when i’m sleeping the pee comes outta me”?

  9. gabe’s autobiographical posts are the best

  10. More character development than the “Melrose Place” reboot.

  11. Mother would make me call it urinary deposits and fecal remnants. I still remember the whippings I received, once, when I called it ?stool.? Pardon me as I reach for my handkerchief. Are you surprised to see me cry? Strong men also cry. Strong men. Also. Cry.

  12. It’s really strange that adults got together, planned this, executed it, and filmed it.
    “Okay, kids! All together now! ‘I REALLY NEED TO URINATE!!!!!’”

  13. the fact that not one of those kids mentioned “BM” really says something about the state of parenting today.

    also, the fact that this is my first comment in like a month says something abut me.

    whatever.

  14. How are you Gabe? Are you….. Are you okay?

  15. Let me guess this video was brought to us by the letter P and the number 2?

  16. Shoukd have been tagged: Best New Party Game

  17. Mel  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 0

    That little girl that “looks like a diseased dog” has down’s syndrome. Congratulations on an insightful and relevant post, genius.

  18. Kiril  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 -1

    Holy shit. Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna go kill myself now.

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