takers_poster.jpg

We have seen some pretty poorly Photoshopped movie posters in the past, but I think that this Takers poster is the saddest of the whole bunch. There is phoning it in, and then there is this.

I mean, look, we all know that Hayden Christensen and T.I. have busy schedules, what with being engaged to Rachel Bilson and being engaged to prison (respectively). And Chris Brown was probably out shopping for bowties and knuckle bandages. You’re not going to be able to get all these guys in the same place at the same time (why, it would cost literally a fraction of the millions-dollar budget of the movie to ensure that the cast appeared for a lazy afternoon of bagels and photoshoots. You people expect the impossible!*). I recognize that in the fast-paced world of the Movie Posters Biz, sometimes you have to stitch the cast together from separate images of the individual cast members in order to create a cohesive image.

BUT TO LITERALLY PHOTOSHOP SOME OF THEIR FACES ONTO RANDOM BODIES? I feel like a Victorian statesman being confronted with a waxless handlebar moustache. SOME THINGS JUST ARE NOT DONE, SIR. I would like to take this poster out to the polo fields and I would like to shoot this poster in the head with a dueling pistol!

Enhance.

Poor TI. Maybe instead of shopping for illegal automatic weapons with silencers on his way to the BET Awards he should have shopped for medicine to cure his giant floating detachable head. Surely the judge would have shown some compassion in that case!

Enhance.

The best part about Hayden Christensen’s photo is that while his head is obviously Photoshopped (or Macpainted) onto someone else’s body, he’s definitely wearing that hat. He was insistent that the photographer get a nice clean shot of him wearing his favorite hat. “Did you get the hat?” he kept saying all day. “I got the hat,” the photographer would say back. “Well just make sure you get the hat,” he would say.

Enhance.

This one has to be the most egregious. Paul Walker probably did this himself. They got the poster almost complete but they didn’t have a usable photo of Paul Walker, and he insisted that he was a whiz on the computer and he could just take a picture himself and seamlessly blend it in. But he forgot that he didn’t even have a computer. And in the end, in a bout of cocaine-fueled frustraion, he ended up just taping a photo that he took with a disposable camera on with masking tape. They were barely able to clean off the peanut butter fingerprints before sending this to the printer.

Unbelievable. (Poster via ComingSoon.net.)

*Sarcasm.

Comments (67)
  1. LOOK AT PAUL WALKER’S GIANT HANDS! He could surely crush us all!

  2. “It’s like something happened off to the side, that made everybody happy”… Or at least Michael Ealy…

  3. Also, if they were going to go so obvious, why couldn’t they have gone all the way? I would like to see Matt Dillon’s head poking out of Paul Walkers right shoulder with a goofy grin. and Jay Hernandez’s head floating up behind them, on a balloon string.

    • It’s funny that they didn’t even bother to paste in the only guy who’s ever really proven he can act.
      Well, if we’re able to forget about ‘Crash’ for a moment, that is.

  4. makes you wonder if any of them actually made it to the movie set. or if they just used the lego versions of them with some weird voiceovers by seth mcfarlane.

    • Actually, that would probably make this film better if you think about it. Frankenstein monsters cobbled from the remains of classically trained actors like Greg Kinnear and Charles Bronson being voiced by the WORST himself (McFarlane)? I smell box office GOLD (I am a prospector).

  5. Are you sure this isn’t the Point Break 2 poster and those heads are just the masks they are going to wear to rob an internet poker database of e-cash?

  6. They used the DJ Samantha Ronson brush on Hayden Christensen.

  7. Chris Brown is making that leap from domestic abuse to film.

  8. everyone with visibly attached necks, if you could please stand in the back… no, no chris, the back, you can sit T.I. later… well, just put the fist irons on the table next to the gun and you can pick them up when we’re done with the shoot…fine, yes, your pocket is fine

  9. I hope Chris Brown doesn’t have a girlfriend in this movie

  10. For one fleeting moment, I thought Paul Walker was going for the ol’ turtleneck-under-suit-and-tie fashion statement. Nope.

  11. Stringer should have gone to some photoshop classes instead of those business classes.

  12. I’ll just assume Paul Walker is wearing a black spandex turtleneck undershirt in this poster. Yes, that’s why his neck is literally the opposite color of his skin.

  13. “Everyone’s After Something…The highest score in Wii bowling.”

  14. T.I.’s left eye looks crazy and sunken in and Hayden Christiansen’s facial expression looks almost as douchey as Ron’s on the Harry Potter 6 posters.

  15. Freckles  |   Posted on Sep 10th, 2009 -13

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  16. My favorite bit is how, based on the photoshopped heads, it looks as though the source of light in the photo is Hayden Christensen. Bask in his reflected glory!

    (So, for a while, I assumed there was only one Hayden in Hollywood, which meant for a short while I thought the guy from Gilmore Girls was dating this guy. Of course, it also took me a RIDICULOUSLY long time to figure out that Mickey Rourke and Mickey Rooney were not the same guy. Then I saw a picture (in both cases, actually), and it all made sense.)

  17. The Legion poster should be hanging in the MoMa compared to this bullshit

  18. joshua  |   Posted on Sep 10th, 2009 +3

    not one mention about vulcan stringer bell?

  19. “Taking theatres soon,” you guys. You’d wonder if they meant by storm, but no, just regular taking.

  20. Also, the guy on the top right is mirrored (his breast pocket is on the wrong side).

    • Pretty sure he just teleported in, and teleportation is not yet an exact science, so I’m willing to overlook it.

  21. Can someone explain the significance of putting Hayden C. in that Phantom of the Opera mask?

  22. These are 6 men who’ve never been in the same state, let alone on the same couch in the same room, and have nothing in common. They couldn’t even be bothered to be lit by the same light source.
    Someone used Microsoft Postersmith.

  23. I don’t mind so much that Paul Walker photoshopped himself into the picture. It’s more the fact that he decided to photoshop his head onto either a member of the Blue Man Group or a Smurfs neck.

  24. How can people who are this fucking bad at their jobs be allowed to exist. I know high school kids with better shoppin skillz than that.

  25. How can everyone tell the one in the middle is photoshopped? I guess it just looks fishy? I want to get better at spotting the signs. What are you guys looking at that makes it look so obvious? I mean, the Paul Walker one is so creepy looking. I get that. The one on the right is pretty peculiar also, but the Hayden Christensen one doesn’t leap out at me as fake. What makes it so clearly fake to those of you who see it?

  26. Of course Hayden requested to have a pic with his hat. It goes so well with the tux and cool guy slouch.

  27. Clambone  |   Posted on Sep 10th, 2009 +30

    See, white people’s faces are lit from the left, but black people’s faces are lit from the right. Am I right, folks?

  28. Looks like the guy who made this poster needs to TAKER a photoshop lesson, am I right folks? Oh, I’m wrong and also terrible? Ok, got it. I’ll see myself out.

  29. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  30. maybe I’d see this movie?

  31. I didn’t think they did all that bad until I looked at Paul Walker’s neck. Yeesh.

  32. Grouchomarxist  |   Posted on Sep 10th, 2009 0

    Paul Walker doesn’t actually act anymore. After his performance in the Fast and and the Furious, studio head thought it would be a better idea create his performances digitally.

  33. ^ failure on all levels, sorry for the uselessness

  34. I find the comments on the original site are a lot funnier in their simplicity. Everyone here is trying way too hard to be snarky mcfunny. That said, this is the funniest post on videogum I’ve seen for a while, thanks.

  35. “Im kind of an expert at photoshop”

  36. I can not stop laughing at the size of Paul Walker’s hands. Seriously, that is the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

  37. “I would like to take this poster out to the polo fields and I would like to shoot this poster in the head with a dueling pistol!”

    Relax, Alexander Hamilton…this won’t end well for you.

  38. Lenny  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 0

    Chris Brown’s head is falling off.

  39. I’d like to say that I feel very sorry for Hayden Christensen, even though he is terrible (not the worst, but terrible.) He probably thought he had MADE IT when he got the Star Wars prequel Vader thang. But he was cursed by Star Wars, just like Mark Hammil. Does Lucus have some kind of voodoo or something?

  40. Everyone’s After Something.

  41. GodspedEmperor  |   Posted on Sep 11th, 2009 0

    Wait, so… Apparently they fixed Paul Walker’s neck? Because if you go here: http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=58975 , that’s what they apparently did. All the other problems remain, however.

  42. man i can’t wait for the poster of takers 2: it takes two?

  43. lisab  |   Posted on Sep 18th, 2009 0

    yeah i have to agree that this is the worst poster ever made, but the movie itself looks bad ass. can’t wait to see it, hayden is so sexy and such a villian in this one. yum yum!! <3

  44. Very nice site!

  45. SOO RUDE WHAT IF SOMEONE WALKED RIGHT UP TO U AND SAID U WERE UGLY HOW WOULD U LIKE IT IF PEOPLE STARED TO LAUGH AT U SOO DONT DO IT TO THEM

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