Here are two items of clothing that are very real, and are very wanted by me.

[buy it for me here]

[buy it for me here]

These are just really smart ways to engender warm feelings among fans. They’re not in your face, they don’t look like a Senor Frogs souvenir or a promotional Comerica t-shirt, and it’s free advertising. Of course, once I get mine, I will murder anyone else I see wearing one, because I’m a precious snowflake, ask my mom, and I’m so unique and original that I’m the only one who should own an overpriced promotional item from a giant corporation for a well-vetted cultural product that appeals to millions of people.

NOT YOU.

Seriously, I wear a medium. If you still want a little something, get one of these:

[but it for you here]