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One can easily imagine a world in which Gwyneth Paltrow, Katherine Heigl, and Charlize Theron were three humorless garbage peas in a nightmare pod. They would go around together on weekday afternoons to various sidewalk cafes after shopping with their personal trainers for “motivation” dresses two sizes too small, applying Israeli mineral oils bottled at the Dead Sea to their perfectly tanned skin as they drink white wine out of the skulls of the less fortunate. Over a dish of caviar canapes they would trade self-congratulatory anecdotes, all of which taper off in a directionless stream of compliments and petty complaints. Afterwards, they would each kiss each other on both cheeks and insist that their personal assistants arrange the next outing, while condescendingly making some kind of remark, like, “I don’t know what I would do without [my assistant], the truth is that I consider us complete equals.” And then they would each get into their respective hybrid-fuel helicopters to fly back to their Victorian castles.

But somehow Charlize Theron seems different. Unlike those other two, she seems to have a sense of humor, and a certain amount of self-awareness. Plus she won the silver medal at the Olympics, so.

Comments (34)
  1. He’s in the danger zone now that he was in a hit movie and therefore is getting more A-listers on BTF; it’s only a matter of time before he picks the wrong person (i.e., someone in the ilk of the other two blondes you mention) and it turns out godawful

    • I think that having the wrong person on BTF would be impossible. The worse the star is, the more awkward the whole thing becomes, and thus the better. Because awkward always means better, right? Yes, always.

    • He already did that with Natalie Portman. Sorry, but that video was boooring, and Natalie is doing the exact same thing that Charlize is making fun of in the first half of this video (i.e. “oh man, awkward, this guy is so weird, help me out, etc. etc. etc.)

  2. Grouchomarxist  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 0

    My head just exploded from the sheer amount of crazy.

  3. its scripted right? like a snl skit

    charlize never struck me as some uppity diva that was wholly unaware of the trials of people in the “real” world

  4. “That’s funny.”

    “That’s humorous.”

    “Wow, you’re really funny.”–Charlize Theron.

    I can’t stand people who do this. But she’s not a bad actress.

    • I’m pretty sure that however scripted this might have been, Miss “The Ron” wasn’t expecting the “I hope your dog dies.” line. Neither was I. Because of how I am twelve and have comedic timing ineptitude. So I laughed really hard there.

  5. Ever since MRF, Charlize has had a special place in my heart. She gets a free pass that I do not extend to other actresses. That is to say, in my juvenile sexual fantasy, after the draining intercourse we have that leads her more satisfied than she’s ever been in her life, I DON’T strap on my personal jetpack and take off to fight the Martians. I actually stay and talk.

  6. Aww, I was just watching the AD episodes with her as Rita and thinking that not only is she beautiful, but she must have a good sense of humor. She wins all the awards.

  7. Does anybody else kind of love that she named her dog Oldboy? Or am I just the biggest nerd?

  8. Kind of wished Zach had broken out his piano for an impromptu rendition of “Crimson and Clover.”

  9. J  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 +1

    I don’t think these skits work anymore now that Galifianakis is a huge celebrity himself.

  10. Oh Zach, you’re such a pussy

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  12. Ian  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 +7

    My girlfriend looks a little bit like Charlize Theron, and a lot like Patrick Ewing

  13. Dog the Bounty Hunter….can’t….breathe…from…laughing. Lots of Love.

  14. It’s nice to know that even though she’s flipping gorgeous, she still acts like a normal person. Also, am I the only one who doesn’t find Zach Galifianakis funny? Like, at all? The only part I laughed at was the “I hope your dog dies” line, which was funny, but lots of people could come up with that line. Also, I can already feel y’alls downvotes and I say bring. It. ON.

    • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  15. Anonymous  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 +10

    To imply Charlize Theron is as the worst as Heigl or Paltrow is probably the most offensive thing I’ve ever read on this website.

  16. Maeby Funke  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 0

    Rita corny, Michael!

  17. emily  |   Posted on Sep 8th, 2009 +3

    the editor of videogum.com does not like blonde ladies very much!

  18. I loved the “I hope your dog dies” line.

  19. Charlize was fine in Arrested Development, she was a good choice for BTF.
    Also I should do this before I forget everything; “RAMDOM LINE FROM THE VIDEO”

  20. giantbugs  |   Posted on Sep 9th, 2009 +1

    A better response joke to the sick dog part would have been “Did you try to go back to the pound and ask for a refund?”

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