smurfs_poster.jpg

Oh wow. You know, it’s one thing for Hollywood to put everyone in Narnia on rollerblades, or to rewrite the Last Starfighter as a magical X-Box 360 console in the middle of nowhere, but in general, Hollywood remakes at least LOOK like they took SOME effort. Usually one at least has the sense that your raped childhood has been laid to rest on a pile of money. WHAT IS THIS?

First of all, that tag-line is so funny. Smurfs is going to be about a Cuban immigrant who attempts to take over Miami’s cocaine industry? But, you know, for kids! So I guess it’s a Smurf immigrant who attempts to take over Smurfi’s smurfaine industmurf. They’re just trying to appeal to the parents who are going to have to buy the tickets for their children. “You know, it’s obviously for kids, but I enjoyed it too. The scene in which Angel Smurftinez is murdered in a bathtub with a chainsaw right in front of Smurfface’s eyes, I mean, that’s going to go over a kid’s head, but I definitely got it.”

But, um, WHAT IS THAT SMURF? It honestly looks like the first computer drawing ever. “It is amazing what this little machine that is only the size of two football fields can do. It took ten of our Nobel Laureate technicians 14 months to produce this, but with some luck, we might one day be able to turn American soldiers into tiny drawings. Can you imagine a bloodless war?” And other military-industrial nonsense. Seriously, though, what happened here? Someone tell me what happened here? Did someone drop their computer in the toilet? This thing looks like it was run over by the bagel truck. Unbelievable.

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Comments (42)
  1. “You got nothin’ on me, Smurfelbaum!”

  2. To be honest, it looks like one of those little plastic smurf figurines I had when I was in kindergarten.

  3. I think they sunk most of the CGI into the Smurfette character.

  4. Why does the Smurf look like I’m pointing a gun at him?

  5. Low-fi computer animation is a big thing right now. Did you see that mech in District 9? Were in a recession for Christs sake.

  6. Is Gargamel going to be played by a live-action actor and will Azrael be voiced by Bill Murray?

  7. ClipArt is the new CGI

  8. it’s quite disturbing, in a Real Doll kind of way. that might be it. they’re trying to appeal to the lonely 40-year-old geeks who run the internet.

  9. maybe the plot has the Smurfs battling dvd pirates and this is the most meta movie poster ever made?

  10. I wonder what Godsauce will have to say about this…

  11. sammy  |   Posted on Sep 2nd, 2009 +3

    I had a collection of little plastic smurfs when I was a kid that looked exactly like this. When I first saw this I assumed they were going after the nostalgia of old farts like me.

  12. sometimes i think that hollywood takes a poll to find out what is least necessary, then makes movies about it.

  13. “Maybe you can handle yourself one of them First Class tickets to the Smurfurrection!”

    What?

  14. We think people who like animation will like this because it says “Animation” on it.

  15. that poster is the opposite of smurfy

  16. At least it’s slightly better than the original version.

  17. Get ready to meet my little Smurf.

  18. Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! Jokey’s making bad CGI images again!

  19. Hey Avatar, take notes!

  20. Truly the American people get the Smurf poster tagline that we smurfserve. (But I actually like the Smurf itself. Smurfple. Smurftiful. Exactly the smurf Smurf for our smurfful times.)

  21. There’s something wrong with Smurfsther

  22. This is like the exact opposite of the Where The Wild Things Are poster.

  23. You can watch The Smurfs movie either in regular theaters or in MS Paint theaters.

  24. Azriel  |   Posted on Sep 2nd, 2009 +1

    You sure that isn’t a blueberry from ‘Veggie Tales’?

  25. HEY – someone probably sank 15 years worth of their time and money into this movie to make sure they walk and move like humans do because that was a goal worth reaching.

    When it came time to write a script, that’s when they finally decided someone needed to set an egg timer so as not to go overboard on the whole project.

  26. The only thing I can think of when I see the Smurfs is that mexican live action smurf pr0n video.

  27. As a fellow Belgian citizen (yes, that’s where Smurfs come from), I would like to apologize aforehand for the ugly CGI sell-out this movie will obviously be.

    Sincerely,
    a pseudo-French bastard.

  28. Jackie Jomp-Jomp  |   Posted on Sep 2nd, 2009 +8

    I would totally see this movie: . Also, I hope this works.

  29. Whoever made this has a head like they hole, as I always say!

  30. cherry  |   Posted on Sep 2nd, 2009 0

    wow, that poster looks like it was ripped off the side of a pop-tarts box.

  31. “The Smurfs: Coming in 2010 to a Nintendo 64 Near You”

  32. oh, it’s not CGI. i made it out of modeling clay. i can make anything! ducks, squirrels, pigs, turtles, smurfs. you know, it’s good to keep busy. i made $150 on that one because it was a little bigger than i usually do. hope you like it!

    you guys, the smurfs sucked. didn’t you sense on some childish, intuitive level that it wasn’t a very good show?

    or was i the only one born an asshole?

  33. Forgive me for this, but it really looks like he’s giving a blowjob and two handjobs to invisible smurfs.

    And really, where the hell is Godsauce? He spends more time here than Gabe, and he’s not commenting on the Smurf post?

  34. new screenshot just leaked

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