“HELLOOOOOO?! Is it November yet? I am dying over here. Last night my mom was like “why are you crying?” and I was like “New Moon doesn’t come out for weeks and GET OUT OF MY ROOM. Didn’t you see the sign? It says NO PARENTS ALLOWED.” She doesn’t understand ANYTHING. I just found these new stills from the movie on-line and I thought they would make me excited but all they do is make me sad that IT IS STILL SO FAR AWAY. I’m pretty sure that God personally hates me and wants me to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Everything is unfair. Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage that I have to share with my sister.”

Comments (60)
  1. Gabe did you photoshop that picture of Dakota Fanning?

  2. Dude, my ‘rents gave me ten bux! Let’s go get some pizza and see if we can get Steve’s older brother to buy us some Mad Dog!

    re: 6/10: that is the most serious papercut I have ever seen.

  3. Oh shit. Cameron Bright, that creepy kid from every sci-fi thriller, is in this.

    Except he’s older now… but as creepy as he ever was!

  4. That last sentence made me realize something.. Billy Corgan should play some not-as-attractive-therefore-a-bad-guy character in these movies.

  5. So Native Americans never wear tops huh? And Dakota Fanning finally got her period (in her eyes).

  6. I thought this one was supposed to have some Trolls in it?

  7. I just wish that I could find love like Bella and Edward! Life is so unfair and I am fat.

  8. I’m really torn now. I’m anti-Twilight, but pro-shirtlessness. What’s the next step? Fandango?

  9. It saddens me that anyone excited about the release of New Moon would not have been born when the “rat in a cage” song came out.

  10. I am upset that I clicked through all of those pictures. Gabe’s great captions made it excusable, but I probably would have done it anyways. What is wrong with me?!

  11. I don’t want to have to be the guy who critiques the Twilight series, but I don’t see why the teeny bopper fans are always saying I wish I was in love like Edward and Bella. I haven’t read the books (I read good books) but from the first film it seemed like the longest awkward first date in the history of mankind/vampirekind. Also, from the trailers of New Moon it seems that Bella is fooling around with Werewolf Man(watch out for my Twilight jargon n00bs!). If my girlfriend turned round to me and said;

    “Hey, Edward?”
    “I think we need to talk”
    “I’ve kinda fallen for another supernatural being……”
    “What the fuck? I fly and read minds and have copious vinyl records!”
    “Yeh…it’s not you…it’s…”
    “Don’t fucking patronise me. Who was it? Was it an Elf?”
    “God no. It was a Werewolf”
    “Get me my gun”
    “GET ME MY GUN….and silver bullets”
    “No!” *Bella is struck to the ground as Edward shimmers in the light*
    “Oh my god, I didn’t mean to….I don’t know my own strength!”


    • (I did read the books) :p But there is some kind of rivalry between the shirtless werewolf guys and the vamps, so they both hate each other. So that could be pretty much the way Edward reacts, if he were actually there! :p
      Please don’t hate me for my ‘knowledge’!

      • I hate myself for my snobbery. My mum made me download the audiobooks for her the other day. She was so happy when they had finished downloading, it was quite sweet, so if Twilight makes my Old Lady happy, then it makes me happy.

    • i read that line as ‘don’t fucking PATRONUS me’ and it was hilarious.

      also, edward wasn’t around because he left to save bella from him being so dangerous, so she drowned her sorrows in the werewolf’s furry embrace. i’m an adult and it’s totally normal that i know this.

  12. Uh-oh, someone forgot to turn on the red-eye reduction!

  13. someone needs to tell mr. cullen that he is obviously a winter and needs to stop wearing spring and summer lipsticks- these bright hues make him look washed out. edward- pick up a nice frosted peach at walgreens, and maybe consider using some blusher to give your face some definition!

  14. This has got to be the saddest group of white people I have ever seen. You’re white + you can’t die = get happy, people!

  15. This is too much to handle in one sitting.

  16. I think I’m slowly starting to want this in my pants.

  17. That Dakota Fanning video needs its own post, truly remarkable.

  18. Oh my lord. How awfully photoshopped is that Dakota Fanning picture? Her red irises are practically popping out of her face.

  19. Speaking of people who are my boyfriend (we weren’t, but now we are): Michael Sheen is in this? I mean, I guess he’s branching out from Exclusive Tony Blair impersonator, but this is still lame.

  20. peter facinelli’s wig is overacting.

    also, i think the werewolves might want to pick up some more body make-up for contouring in their muscles. they must be nearly out at this point. (that’s why they’re not wearing shirts. they don’t want to smudge it.)

    • The second one from the right is just mindblowing. Like, that’s not even painted on; that shit is photoshopped. Incredible.

      Also, I watched Memento. WOW.

      • WOW as in good? If so, then I agree.

      • i’m so glad you liked it! i would;ve been disappointed if you’d been nyeh about it. that movie freaking blew my mind when i first saw it. me and my friends stood outside the theatre talking about it for an hour afterwards.

        i’ve seen it several times since then and each time i just takes on a new level. heartbreaking, scary, funny…ohman, so good. yay! welcome!

        okay, i have to go airbrush on some abs now.

  21. I just heard Mike Dexter and Amanda Beckett broke up!

  22. Stella  |   Posted on Sep 1st, 2009 +4

    Of all of the numerous ridiculous things about this whole film series, I really think Peter Facinelli’s hair takes the cake.

  23. Rob  |   Posted on Sep 1st, 2009 +5

    I’ve seen an early screening of this, and it was a real disappointment.

    I’m waiting on Twilight III: The Return of Simba, it should be much more accurate.

  24. I had* a sign on my door that said “PIMP ZONE: NO ENTRANCE PERMITTED TO BITCHES AND HO’S. TRESPASSERS WILL BE BITCHSLAPPED.” Which kept my sister out. Haha, dayum, did you hear that sis! That’ll teach you!

    *still have

  25. that video of Dakota Fannings just made me sad.

  26. Will.I.Am ruins everything.

  27. when the edward/bella relationship is put in the context of mulder/scully, i can sympathize with the tweens. i understand mulder/scully relations.
    stop making me relate to the tweens.

  28. tala  |   Posted on Sep 1st, 2009 +6

    i wonder what bella reaction would b if she is making out with the jacob and a flea jumps in her hair he;d proably be like i wonder were that came from!

  29. Yo dawg I needs to get me some new Jorts! Twilight: New Moon, New Jorts!

  30. Am I the only one who is a little disturbed by the fact that they are using a shirtless 16 year old to promote this movie; wouldn’t that kind of make it sexual exploitation of a minor. If it were a 16 year old girl in a bikini top promoting the movie people would go ape shit, but since its a guy its okay?(no its not)

    • Agreed. It was gross when there were all those stories about how he had to get all muscled up for the second movie. If they were telling a 16 year girl she had to lose weight, people would be calling shenaigans all over the show.

  31. Michael Sheen IS actorcomedian Kevin McDonald.

  32. dude, seriously, that “paper cut” went and bled all over her arm. wtf?
    anyway check out the “trailer”!! :


  33. This time aking vampire.

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