divorced_dads.jpg

Uh…from the New York Post:

Jon Gosselin, Kevin Federline and Michael Lohan were in talks to live together and be filmed round-the-clock for a reality show, “The Divorced Dads’ Club.” But, as Page Six reported last month, Gosselin pulled out after TLC threatened to sue because his contract ties him to “Jon & Kate Plus 8″ for two more years. And K-Fed, Britney Spears’ ex, landed his own reality show with girlfriend Victoria Prince, leaving Lohan talking to disgraced MLB slugger Jose Canseco and ex-NY Jets star Mark Gastineau, among others. Mike Heller, whose Talent Resources is developing the show with Lohan, told us that since Gosselin is out, “We are talking with other divorced dads. The idea would be to tell the man’s side of the divorce, and the mistakes they’ve made, such as — I never should have brought that girl home.” Advice Jon could have used.

Can you imagine? CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? It’s like, you remember at the end of Deep Impact, when the asteroid hits Earth, and massive tidal waves rush over America’s cities and it appears that all is lost, but then Elijah Wood just runs up a hill really fast and it turns out that in order to survive you didn’t need to go into government-controlled Disaster Caves, all you needed to do was run up a hill fast and be on top of a hill? That’s us! We’re on top of that hill! Phew, we made it.

The only thing more depressing than a reality show called The Divorced Dad’s Club starring three of the most ridiculous garbage clowns in the world is the one garbage clown (Michael Lohan) being unable to let the idea go once it falls apart. Oh God. The mental image of him going door-to-door, hat in hand, to other ridiculous semi-famous people who have been divorced trying to stir up some interest in his nightmare project is almost heart-breaking. Almost. Remember when he hit someone in the head with a shoe because he had a brown belt in tae-kwon do? I do. I remember.

Man. I thought we could have a funtimes party game where we came up with a worse, more disastrous casts of Walking Human Failure than Jon Gosselin, Kevin Federline, and Michael Lohan, but I actually don’t think it’s possible. Like, who? Danny Bonaduce? He’s just a ginger Michael Lohan. It’s a push. There is seriously nothing worse than this. Isn’t that right, Lord Voldemort?

“If I were not make-believe, I WOULD BE ON THIS SHOW!”
Comments (79)
  1. Way to spoil Deep Impact for the rest of us, Gabe.

    • jgriz  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 +24

      Definitely needed a spoiler alert. Not all of us have time to watch every new movie. I’m just catching up on 1998 now. I’ve heard great things about Chairman of the Board. Please don’t ruin the ending for me.

    • Gabe’s spoiler reminds of that classic moment in “Men Who Stare At Goats” where Kevin Spacey’s character is all like “Congratulations, Scottie. I’m sorry it doesn’t work out between the two of you,” at the guy’s WEDDING (how does he know what’ll happen in the future!??!?! SO FUNNY/SCARY!).

  2. harrypotterlover  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 -19

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  3. CAN I imagine WHAT would HAPPEN IF THIS show was real? Hell yes I CAN DO JUST that.

    “As soon as the television came on the world melted. Cities fell into oceans of fire. Humanity was reduced to warring clans of cannibals. Scavenging beasts picked over the wreckage of human society, but not for long, as the sky soon turned to black, the sun itself blotted out. And then it was all gone.”
    THE LAST Account OF Man by Gabriel DELAHAYE

  4. Michael Lohan is on the phone with treasury secretary Timothy Geithner in the picture above

  5. When did K-Fed turn into Over-Fed?

  6. I’m pretty sure this is the unholy trinity that signaling the end of the world. Something something Book of Revelations something something deadbeat douchebags something something trifecta converges something something apocalypse triggered.
    That’s how I remember it. We dodged a bullet here, people.

  7. herrorara  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 +2

    no philander-o

  8. Did Michael Lohan steal Gabe’s shirt?

  9. “Run to the hills. Run for your life.”
    -Iron Maiden

    \m/

  10. eric  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 +66

    First time Jon Gosselin has pulled out of anything.

  11. if they had the original cast….the goodfellas if you will….(they are not goodfellas)….then i think the internets might explode…yes….internets is plural…

  12. TEAMKATE  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 -17

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • Looks like someone ate their caps lock key for breakfast.

    • Kate has a stupid haircut.

      *waiting*

      • TEAMKATE  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 -7

        Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

    • What is this Jezebel?

      • TEAMKATE  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 0

        WHAT IS WRONG WITH JEZEBEL THAT SITE KNOWS WHAT ISSUES ARE FACING US WOMEN TODAY JUST BECAUSE YOU MAY THINK FEMINISM IS DEAD DOES NOT MEAN IT IS JON SHOWS THAT IT IS STILL ALIVE AND WELL HE LEAVES AND HURTS THE CHILDREN AND EVERYONE IS SEXIST AND SAYS KATE IS THE BAD GUY KATE IS NOT THE BAD GUY FIRST SHE WOULD BE A GIRL NOT A GUY AND SECOND SHE IS TRYING EXTRA HARD TO RAISE HER CHILDREN AND HSE HAS A CONTRACT WITH THE SHOW AND THE KIDS DONT WANT IT TO STOP EVERYONE NEEDS TO GET OFF HER HIGHHORSE AND STOP THE SEXISM IN THE MEDIA WE SHALL PERSEVERE

        • Love you, girl.

        • Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

          • TEAMKATE  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 -4

            WOW YOU ARE BASICALLY JON YOU ARE AT LEAST A JONENABLER WE ARE WORKING OUR ASSES OFF TRYING TO HELP MAKE PEOPLE AWARE THAT THEIR ARE PROBLEMS OUT THERE THAT NO ONE IS FIXING YOU HAVE TO RAISE A VOICE BEFORE YOU CAN DO THE WORK AND ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOU AND JON THAT CONINUE TO KEEP US DOWN YOUR PROBABLY A MAN WHO JUST WANTS WOMEN TO BE HOUSEWIVES OR A HOUSEWIFE WHOS JONLIKE HUSBAND HAS BRAINWASHED HER I AM SORRY YOU CAN BE FREE YOU CAN REALIZE THERE ARE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE FIXED AND YOU CAN HELP US FIX THEM DONT BE A JON BE A SUPPORTER OF EQUALITY NOT A ASSHOLE!

          • HT  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 +4

            “WOW YOU ARE BASICALLY JON YOU ARE AT LEAST A JONENABLER ”

            Clearly, the word you are looking for here is “Jonabler”.

          • I’m not sure what you did there. The first sentence seems to defend Jezebel, and then you call out all the commenters for being feminazis? (which, by the way, gross).

          • She was making a distinction between the writers of Jezebel and the commenters, you silly feminazi!

          • No, I got that. I think there’s a couple of words missing in the first sentence? I dunno. Either way, there are few people I would upvote for calling me a feminazi, and apparently you’re one of them. Congrats.

    • You’re embarrassing me in front of my friends mom!!

  13. “And K-Fed, Britney Spears’ ex, landed his own reality show with girlfriend Victoria Prince”

    Avoid one nightmare, get another. Seriously, who gets a pitch like this and says “yeah! I think people WOULD be interested in that! He’s relevant! It’s 2006, right? He wasn’t relevant then either? Oh well, HERE, HAVE SOME CAMERAS!”

  14. This had three way tie for “Father-O-The Year” written all over it.

  15. Michael Lohan clearly watches “Guide to Man Style”. Cause, shirt.

  16. Rufus Humphrey needs to be incorporated into this show somehow.

    • Comment system is broken again. I told this to go in as a reply to TEAMKATE, because really… that beezy needs to relax.

      • Scrooge McDuck  |   Posted on Aug 28th, 2009 +3

        It’s not broken. It’s just that if you hit “preview” the page refreshes, so you have to hit reply again.

  17. So now TLC brought the world to its knees and then stopped the oncoming apocalypse? I am so confused…

  18. Not to get all Doctor of Harry Potter over here, but during the majority of the books Lord Voldemort would have been far too successful to be on this show. Maybe Lord Voldemort circa book 1 right after he was thwarted from gaining immortality yet again love, the oldest magic imaginable. That would probably be the time that he had the desperation and the has been status to be on a show with Kevin Federline. Unfortunately at this time he had no physical form, so that would make bad TV. Book 4 maybe before he returned to his actual body, but then he was really too tied up with other projects to take this one on. Plus his physical form was more radio friendly if you know what I mean. After that he was too powerful to even consider reality TV.

  19. Look, Jezebel commenters were never taught sarcasm in Women’s Studies, and that’s very sad and we should all create a Send Jezebel Commenters to Sense of Humor School fund and contribute a few pennies to it, but all of us who take the time to comment on blogs need to stop telling other people who take the time to comment on blogs that they could be doing something useful instead. Now I’m gonna go wash my hands, I just kinda defended Jezebel commenters.

  20. i wasn’t a fan of tlc for a while there because of the whole jon and kate thing and tlc’s involvement. but, people, I AM A CONVERT. i worship at the feet of tlc (during commercial breaks between their horrible programming) for nipping this fiasco in the bud. kudos.

  21. I would never watch a show about Lohan’s divorce and him giving his insincere regrets about it. I wouldn’t even watch the tv promo. I would on the other hand watch a show where he throws shoes at people.

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