I recognize that we live in a new era of over-communication, where every dull moment of our quotidian lives is meticulously recorded and broadcast. That’s just the way things are now. Your mom logged onto Facebook this morning and updated her status to: “I would like everyone to know that I am putting on pants, Lots Of Love.” Because your mom is on Facebook. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Surely there are a few things that we can keep to ourselves. At a certain point we’re going to realize that we need a dividing line between our boring public and our boring private lives. Aren’t we? Can we realize that soon? Because this shit is getting ridiculous.

For example, this video (after the jump) does not need to be on YouTube for everyone to see. Oh, here’s another Pro-Tip: DO NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO (AFTER THE JUMP).

I told you not to watch it! Your fault!


The worst part about this, besides the fact that it exists, and besides the fact that it reminds me that parents are horrible brain-dead monsters convinced that everything their children do is FUCKING MAGIC, is that now I have to actually think about it, not just in horror-flashbacks, but, like, it’s puzzling? WHO IS THIS VIDEO FOR (besides everyone)? “I’m going to post this on YouTube so that I can share your giant bowel movement with Janice and the rest of the girls in my Mah-Jongg Club. They’re going to love it.” What? Even her husband got home and was like, “Why on Earth did you tape that? Why are you showing me that? What do you do here all day while I am at work? Where is my divorce lawyer, I know I put him around here somewhere.”

This is the worst.

Shut it down. All of it.

Comments (51)
  1. MrShake  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 +31

    Sure… put up a video of a KID dropping a giant turd and people think it’s cute, but MY video got flagged for “indeceny”.

  2. He made McG!

  3. I’m going to guess that Daddy is away, and Mommy is uploading it to YouTube so that he can see it. Just a wild guess. But what do I know? I have only been a big boy for two hours. Give me a hug.

    • Given that one of my brothers uses his cellphone camera for impolite purposes such as this, I would believe much more easily that a dad posted it.

      While a picture may be worth 1000 words, I think all of those words in this case would be “Why?”

    • I am going to agree and say that little Isaac’s dad is probably in Afghanistan and mom doesn’t want him to miss a single moment. When my dad shipped out, my mom felt the same way and sent him pictures of absolutely everything (like a whole roll of just snow and my brother’s missing tooth), the line, however was drawn before the pictures of kaka.

      I should thank my mom for that.

  4. I watched it. Now I have to go to jail.

  5. I’ve already gone twice today, but you don’t see me bragging about it, do ya kid?

  6. I can sign in, this is great! I didn’t watch the video. But I did get my mom on Facebook last night, so good call, Gabe.

  7. This video is kaka.

  8. When I watch this video I imagine that the mom made the turd because her kid can’t shit like a king.

  9. To be fair, the size of that bowel movement is impressive.

  10. I think one of Glen Beck’s former sponsors are wondering how to advertise from that kaka.


    Pro-Tip Addendum: Not all shits shat need be put on you tube, but all shits shat that make it to youtube need to be commented on. Shittily.

  12. Facebook (etc.) photos are:
    - 45 % No party was as cool as this one. Have you ever attended a party before? LOOK AT THIS unedited pile of 200 photos. (there are actually only 10 different photos – just 20 different poses to get it just right – but for some reason all 200 were posted)
    - 30% LOOK at my magic kids. These kids are like no other kids that have ever existed.
    - 15% Vacay 200X
    - 9% Here are my boobs now; look at my muscles now; like my car?;
    - 1% Ok. She/He is successful and very attractive. Why did I let her/him get away?

    - 100% ))<>((

    • Actually, there’s usually only one pose: turning your shoulder at the camera and pouting your lips in an exaggerated manner. They just do that over and over again with mild variations.

  13. This is unbelievable. There are no such things as “Mah-Jongg Clubs.”

  14. i was eating lunch…literally biting into my sandwhich when they panned over to the shit…i didnt finish my meal…

  15. Somebody check that kid’s ass for abrasions.

  16. PooTube. Nailed it.

  17. A youtube poop of this needs to be made.

  18. This reminds me the Bill Hicks sketch about your kids not being special. “Entire nations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel!”

  19. Worth it for the funny little girl at the end (so that piece of shit has been floating there for two hours? Extra eww!). I’d have run away from a hug too until I’d seen him wash his hands first.

  20. That Emma is so sassy.

  21. Eli Roth decided to try method acting again when he was cast in the big screen adaptation of “Everybody Poops”

  22. He made Kaka.


  24. It sucks for whoever has to clean that training potty.

  25. This is what happens when your child fails his first audition for America’s Got Fecal Matter.

  26. Meredith  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 +1

    You really need to see STFUparents to see what horrible brain-dead monsters parents are http://stfuparents.tumblr.com/

  27. Change diapers for three years and then tell me this shit isn’t exciting. The mom isn’t thinking what the kid did is magic, she’s thinking, Now I gotta clean out this stupid fucking pretend toilet.

  28. Well Gabe, it looks like they listened to you when you said “Shut It Down.”

    “This video has been removed due to terms of use violation. ” Wait so you can’t just post videos of turds willy nilly?

  29. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  30. Matty  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 -9

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.