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Kim Zolciak from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, the melty-faced living nightmare with a closet full of trashy clothes that don’t even fit her, has long made her wish and dream to be a successful singer known. One assumes that she actually joined the cast of the show because she thought it would be good publicity for her music career. It hasn’t been. At all. It has been the opposite of that. You know how they say that there is no such thing as bad publicity? That is no longer true. Kim Zolciak changed the rules.

But that hasn’t stopped her from recording a song called “Tardy for the Party” and allowing the world to hear it. Whoops! You should have kept this one on your Zune, Kim Zolciak. To play for your daughter. The one person who still respects you (maybe). Ouch. Was that too mean? I’m so sorry. People who go on TV and say things like “I get plastic surgery so that I don’t have to go to the gym,” over and over as if that is a badge of honor representing the ideal life, and then add “I don’t even know how much it costs, I just put it on my credit card” because they are all class, totally deserve to be treated like dignified human beings. My bad. I’m sure that lots of people respect Kim Zolciak (i am not sure). She still should have kept this shit on her Zune, though, for private consumption. Friends and family only.

NO SPOILERS but this song (after the jump) is not very good!


Some singers use a rhyming dictionary to write their lyrics. Kim Zolciak uses a Boring Cliches About Parties Dictionary. She’s like the poor person’s 470-year-old Heidi Montag. (Heidi Montag is already the poor person’s 23-year-old Heidi Montag, of course.) Also, the song was produced by fellow Real Housewife Kandi Burress? And just when I was starting to like you, Kandi Burress. (Ryan Seacrest via EW.)

Comments (81)
  1. Was this song on air with Ryan Seacrest? Is there any way I can find out?

  2. Passerby  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 +1

    Ugh once again you know nothing about what you speak. This shit is killa. What a beat! Sure it’s not as good as the Black Eyed Peas when they are on but who is as good as them am I right? This will definitely be playing in all the clubs everyone is jumping around and singing and dancing and just letting go! Sometimes people just want to hear a song that they can lose everything in their life to and just dance away the worries and nights that are holding them down! I pray that at some point each of you stop dissecting songs like foolish little school boys and girls and lets go to just dance away! Don’t be tardy for the party, join in with the swining moves of your body!

  3. “On Air with Ryan Seacrest” bumpers: a true sign of quality.

  4. Whoops, your song is called “Tardy for the Party”.

  5. Tru Fan  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 -19

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  6. Those are some dope jams. I like this better than the country angle she was going for earlier. Way easier to abuse the vocoder! Full-tardy indeed.

  7. anon  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 -5

    Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  8. I thought she wanted to be a country singer. Guess they couldn’t hide her voice behind digital shit in that genre.

  9. There are some things on the internet that I am too terrified of to even attempt watching/listening. This is one of those things.

  10. I think the fact that you can tell what a thoroughly awful singer she is through 8 layers of Auto-Tune is a testament to her being The Worst.

  11. How can I be fashionably late without being “Tardy For the Party”?

  12. My friend works for Bravo and he told me they are filming a Bravo Death Match series. Spoiler Alert, the Nobody Wins.

  13. you guys should be nice to kim. i’m sure her talent was affected by that one time she was 90% sure she had cancer, when she had to start wearing 99 cent halloween wigs.

  14. “All the boys tryin’ to get in mine.” YIKES. Can sad 50 year olds even HAVE sex anymore? Gabe?

  15. Can’t wait for the other tracks to drop: “Can’t Be Late for My Date” and “Gonna Hop-a on Big Poppa.”

  16. If an ear worm is an insanely catchy song that gets stuck in your head, then this is an ear cockroach.

  17. Yikes, if this is the party, I would want to be so tardy that I miss the whole thing.

  18. She didn’t want to take the Benz for out for a whirl… She wanted to take the Benz out for a SWIRL. She actually said that. Like a toilet or an ice cream cone? Kim Zolciak, you confuse me.

  19. I think I made a “rap” about math in 4th grade with more sophisticated sentiments.

  20. this song says a lot about life and cat massage.

  21. girlblogger  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 +4

    I was feeling pretty fucking angry about her telling me what to do. But then she reminded me that it is “her world.” And fuck it if she doesn’t get to make the rules.

  22. lul wut tardy really?!!!!

  23. this is why i hate parties.

  24. Further proof Kim is a robot. The worst robot.

  25. He approved it.

  26. Pushstar  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 +3

    GREAT . . . . . Thanks Gabe ! ! ! ! Now I can’t get this song out of my head ! ! ! ! ! don be tahdy foe da pahty pahty

  27. This is so depressing. Not only can they not make original movies anymore, there’s apparently no original musicians left either. Master Blaster runs Barter Town!

  28. I’m just waiting for the follow up single “Tardy for the Party 2: Re-Tardy”

  29. Stare into my gorgeous visage videogummers! WE ARE LEGION!!!!

  30. I just found my new ringtone.

  31. This was produced by the same genius who wrote “No Scrubs”? What a disappointment!

  32. “Tardy” reminds me of every geriatric elementary/middle/high school teacher in existence. So OLD!

  33. Kingsley random name  |   Posted on Aug 19th, 2009 +2

    They autotuned her autotune, she sounds like she’s underwater.

  34. That old (“I’m only 30!!!”) housewife broke Auto-Tune. She sounds like she’s singing into a fan.

  35. 19O1  |   Posted on Aug 20th, 2009 0

    you guys, Cher is back!

  36. Hollie  |   Posted on Aug 21st, 2009 0

    its not that bad, its better than heidi montags singles.

  37. ana  |   Posted on Aug 22nd, 2009 -2

    the song was good…..good dancing song…Kim I like it!! you did good

  38. ana  |   Posted on Aug 22nd, 2009 -2

    the song was good…..good dancing song…Kim I like it!! you did good

  39. ana  |   Posted on Aug 22nd, 2009 -2

    the song was good…..good dancing song…Kim I like it!! you did good

  40. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  41. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  42. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  43. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  44. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  45. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  46. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  47. Wwwwwooooowwww, didnt think it would sound so good!! I gotta give it up to Kim, and especially whoever helped make her sound goo! I kinda like the song!

  48. you sound good, thanks to dallas austin, ithink, but its a nice beat, good tune to dance to!

  49. you sound good, thanks to dallas austin, ithink, but its a nice beat, good tune to dance to!

    • I assume, since “paula” included a mail address, that it’s a spammer fishing for replies to collect mail addresses of the gullible. I’m sure most of you are smart enough not to, but even a small percentage is enough for them to make it worth their while. So, you know, don’t.
      And wear a sweater when you go outside.

  50. Relax, Ms. Abdul.

  51. damnnnn  |   Posted on Aug 23rd, 2009 -1

    damn i like it shes pretty good the beat is off the chain

  52. sunshyne2b  |   Posted on Aug 24th, 2009 -1

    I really think Kim sounds fine on her song……She kinda sounds like Brittany Spears……..Stop hating on Kim….You go girl….

  53. Hank  |   Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 0

    She went full retard. GARBAGE “music”

    When will somebody tell this skank she looks old for age, she wears too much makeup, she is overweight, and she is TACKY

  54. mmc  |   Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 0

    I never thought Kim had a good voice, but with all the digital altering it might sell.She really never had a good voice, but maybe her looks and celebrity will push her along.It’s not anything I want to listen to.

  55. mmc  |   Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 0

    I never thought Kim had a good voice, but with all the digital altering it might sell.She really never had a good voice, but maybe her looks and celebrity will push her along.It’s not anything I want to listen to.

  56. mmc  |   Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 0

    I never thought Kim had a good voice, but with all the digital altering it might sell.She really never had a good voice, but maybe her looks and celebrity will push her along.It’s not anything I want to listen to.

  57. mmc  |   Posted on Aug 25th, 2009 0

    I never thought Kim had a good voice, but with all the digital altering it might sell.She really never had a good voice, but maybe her looks and celebrity will push her along.It’s not anything I want to listen to.

  58. melanie  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 -1

    I haver had the same email addresss for 7 years. I hate trite television. I am also an unprossesional mother of 2. I have a 17 year old son and a 2 year old (son as well). I cannot stand the way that other Atlanteans are being portrayed in this sickening sitcom. Coming from my economic background, I should be portrayed in this series as a ‘hick’. I feel that bthis would be a sore betrayal of my efforts. I am white, yes. I have a 17 year old as well as a 2 year old. I have never thought of rasicm to be a huge part of my fallible, Southern upbringing; however, what is all of this unsubstansiated crap that I am viewing, decades further? The ‘Atlanta Housewives ‘ surely make me sad. They not only are presenting trite material, but they are essentially ‘dumbing down’ our species as a whole. (As a side note alone: This representation of this material was compromised several times before being posted in its unedited form. It makes one wonder why?) I say this only because former posting have made their way onto the screen through either incorrect context or form.. —-Melanie Hawkins—even though I have the educational ability to not misspell words, something funny happens along my way. My words become, somehow, misshapen. Do not let this discourage you, young writer. For, perhaps the best person to tell of all of your trials and tribulations through life is you, yourself. Heed the call, so that so many of our lives should not be in vein. Thank you—-Me4lanie /hawkins

  59. mellie  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 0

    Kim, I am a mother of 2, and I am 38. Contact before advice. Seriously: There is not a fee. mellie7161@yahoo.com.

  60. mellie  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 0

    Kim, I am a mother of 2, and I am 38. Contact before advice. Seriously: There is not a fee. mellie7161@yahoo.com.

  61. mellie  |   Posted on Aug 26th, 2009 0

    Kim, I am a mother of 2, and I am 38. Contact before advice. Seriously: There is not a fee. mellie7161@yahoo.com.

  62. Jennifer  |   Posted on Aug 30th, 2009 0

    I would bet the reason the song was leaked on Kim’s website is because no other website really wanted. With that said now its all over the internet, mailnly because its funny. Yes the music is great, it has a vibe and a great beat. The words and Kim’s voice suck, sorry. Maybe Kandi can rewrite and sing it herself. Kandi has a great voice, and from her past writes some great music, Kim was wanting to come out as a country singer. So heres a question for everyone, if Kim couldnt get anyone in the Country music scene to produce her music what does that say for her talent.?

  63. Jennifer  |   Posted on Aug 30th, 2009 0

    I would bet the reason the song was leaked on Kim’s website is because no other website really wanted. With that said now its all over the internet, mailnly because its funny. Yes the music is great, it has a vibe and a great beat. The words and Kim’s voice suck, sorry. Maybe Kandi can rewrite and sing it herself. Kandi has a great voice, and from her past writes some great music, Kim was wanting to come out as a country singer. So heres a question for everyone, if Kim couldnt get anyone in the Country music scene to produce her music what does that say for her talent.?

  64. Kasey  |   Posted on Aug 30th, 2009 0

    Omg, this isn’t even her real voice. That’s what really bugs me. When you watch housewives and she sings with no help, she is horrible. Absolutely disgusting. And she believes she is a singer all the while not taking in feedback, not working on her vocals, not thinking she needs work, smoking (further destroying her voice) and then bragging her ass off saying her voice is “a god given talent”. She is a disgrace to REAL music.

  65. Veronica A. Davis  |   Posted on Sep 3rd, 2009 0

    I like it, I will buy the single. I like it because first it took a lot of guts for you to do. Yet, it equally took a lot of work for you to monitor your smoking, take advice from your vocal coach, listen to your producer and be brave enough to face the Nay Sayers. I think one is good enough, so don’t push it. Now that you are a source of inspiration for your daughters I think it is time for you to let your daughters take center stage.

  66. Michelle M.  |   Posted on Sep 4th, 2009 0

    I really like it, it’s catchy and has a good beat. But you know what I was thinking, you can take anybody’s voice and make it sound good with synthesizers….sorry Kim to insult you but your voice doesn’t sound that good in real life (just awful in fact)….they made it sound good with technotronics!

  67. HoochFly  |   Posted on Sep 12th, 2009 0

    Are you people saying this is “good” on crack? This song is 100% autotune, I? remember hearing this chick on the show and she sucked at country music which is a joke. The lyrics are whack, the music is lame, the “ohs” in the background are a terrible drone. And you know the rhymes are weak when the title of the song rhymes party with tardy. Yeah, suckfest.

  68. HoochFly  |   Posted on Sep 12th, 2009 0

    Are you people saying this is “good” on crack? This song is 100% autotune, I? remember hearing this chick on the show and she sucked at country music which is a joke. The lyrics are whack, the music is lame, the “ohs” in the background are a terrible drone. And you know the rhymes are weak when the title of the song rhymes party with tardy. Yeah, suckfest.

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