• Chuck Bass dips into the Bass fortune to open his own chain of infused-smoothie stores, going head to head with Jambo’s Juice (CEO revealed in final episode with cameo by Breckin Meyer).
  • Serena Van Der Woodsen is found decapitated in her bed, with no sign of forced entry, and all of the blood neatly drained from her body. Special agents are called in to investigate. One of them is very open to the possibility of paranormal activity, and one of them is very skeptical.
  • Blair Waldorf gets pregnant. Chuck, Nate, Dan, Jenny, the mean girls, Wallace Shawn, Lily, Rufus, all pace nervously in the waiting room. When it turns out that the baby is black, a fight breaks out.
  • Dan Humphrey is also found decapitated in his bed. No one bothers to investigate.
  • Jenny Humphrey drops out of school (again!) to pursue a romantic relationship with Adam Duritz of the Counting Crows. He files a restraining order, and during the trial it is found that Jenny is clinically psychotic. She is institutionalized at a private hospital and has to start at the bottom of the social ladder all over again.
  • Rufus Humphrey and Lily Rhodes Van Der Woodsen make a suicide pact after their two children are found decapitated in their beds. Lily overdoses on sleeping pills and is later found in a pool of vomit and champagne in a $7,000 ball gown on the roof of the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Rufus doesn’t end up committing suicide, because he isn’t sure if he’s ready.
  • In the season finale, Nate Archibald wakes up, and it turns out it was all just a dream. “That’s the last time I ever eat raw oysters right before bed HAHAHAHA,” Nate says. “Round Here” by the Counting Crows plays over the end credits.
Comments (31)
  1. What about Vanessa?!

  2. Ohh make that last one true, please!

  3. Someone just watched Exorcist III.

  4. Imagine the antics that would ensue if Dan Quinn were to drop by with a blender full of sweet pure H20 with the curative powers of stevia! Worlds been had colliding!

  5. Shut THIS SHOW down!

    • Patriot fanboy  |   Posted on Aug 10th, 2009 +3

      Please tell me that “the figure” in chapter 1 is Istanbul right? Please tell me that’s who he is and that you’ve written him as some sort of pseudo-embodiment of nihilism. That would be amazing.

  6. Freshman year is so much harder than being seniors in high school, you guys!!!@*&! SO much homework X(

  7. these character are getting more and more annoying.. no?

  8. You might be kinda close with the drug overdose plot line. Have they done that yet?

  9. Please oh please oh please let all of these be true.

    Also, I would like to predict that before Lily violently kills herself, she gay-marries Dorota so that she can keep up her streak of normal-complicated-normal last names. Lily Rhodes Van Der Woodsen Bass Kishlovsky. Done and done.

  10. if the second prediction comes true, i’ll start watching this show. mulder and scully need to redeem themselves after the last movie.

  11. They should have a Dexter crossover with him doing all of the killings and blood-splatter analysis.

  12. I have never watched this Gossipping Girlz television program, but I still found this post entertaining. Hats off to you, Gabe.

  13. lowo  |   Posted on Aug 11th, 2009 0

    Jenny still has that same god-awful haircut, I see. I was hoping we were done with that.

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