Paula Abdul, whoever that is, is leaving American Idol, whatever that is. Just kidding. I know who Paula Abdul is. She’s the lady who popped out of the ink well on Scat Cat’s song. And I’ve heard of American Idol. That’s where Justin Guarini jokes come from. Anyway, goodbye Paula Abdul. You will be missed, I bet, by people who actually watch that awful show. From the Hollywood Reporter:

The “Idol” judge made the announcement on her Twitter feed:

“With sadness in my heart, I’ve decided not to return to ‘Idol’ …I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent,but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from Day 1 become an international phenomenon … What I want to say most, is how much I appreciate the undying support and enormous love that you have showered upon me … It truly has been breathtaking, especially over the past month … I do without any doubt have the BEST fans in the entire world and I love you all.”

Paula Abdul made an “important” announcement via five consecutive Tweets? UNSUBSCRIBE. I do like this remark in the AP article:

Her tweets, however, seemed to have an air of finality.

That’s a sentence someone wrote. I’m sure the Pulitzer Prize committee is frantically sanding someone else’s name off of a re-assigned medallion as we speak.

Whatever. Paula Abdul was super lame on that already pretty lame show. She provided completely weightless verbal pampering to children, and a target for Ryan Seacrest’s limp jokes. Also she was on drugs. Constantly.

Nevertheless, this must be a difficult time for Paula right now. One can only imagine what she’s going through. Well, that’s not true. One can also watch what she is going through:

Where is God when you need him, because this does not make any sense. Right these guys? The children of Darfur will be praying for you, Paula.

Comments (34)
  1. “I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent”
    Can we put this on her tombstone?

  2. “Where is God when you need Him?”
    He doesn’t exist, because He committed suicide after seeing this.

  3. She’ll be back on Idol next year… as a chair.

  4. Lay off Paula, you guys. SHE IS A NATIONAL TREASURE. She was really nice to me when I won the third season of “American Idol,” especially that time when my cocaine ran out and she let me borrow hers.

  5. I couldn’t read the article after I saw the headline because my eyes were filled with tears. What a summer bummer. I guess all my undying support and enormous love wasn’t enough…

  6. Where is god when you need him, when there is a Bratz movie?

  7. You tell’em Paula. Straight up tell them cold hearted snakes!

    Again…I’ll just show myself out.


    Easy tiger, not quite sure this isn’t a huge stunt… this way we’ll get to laugh at her two more times! (when she makes her ‘comeback’ and when she actually leaves…)

  9. Which word is worse for adults to use seriously: “Tweets,” or “Bratz?”

  10. So wait, was she doing for this shite movie anyway?

  11. Dan  |   Posted on Aug 5th, 2009 +5

    She spoke to the coke-addicted has-been in all of us.

  12. This is actually good news for Paula, as it allows her more time to develop a sequel to her 1978 vehicle “Junior High School.”

  13. Incredible how much that interview reminded me of a Sarah Palin interview.

  14. Um, Justin Guarini has his own sketch comedy web show, so who’s getting the last laugh? Oh right, no one because it’s the worst thing ever made.

  15. “being a part of a show that I helped from Day 1 become an international phenomenon … “= I built this motherfucker now I’m burning it down. This a big positive you guys.

  16. Paula! You don’t work for “the company” anymore! Now you can COM-PETE!!!

  17. I don’t know how I’ll be able to watch Idol now that she’s gone. Wait, what?

  18. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  19. Farewell, Paula. We wish you the best as you return to the waiting, loving arms of MC Skat Kat.

  20. HAHAHA The Amish are so funny!!! LOLZ!

  21. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  22. the summer of death continues…

  23. I bet the Bratz movie SUCKED without Paula Abdul.

  24. Did anyone else always suspect that it was really moonshine in that glass she was drinking from on the show?

  25. She was wasted on every episode. Probably drinking Captain and Coke. She was like “slup,slup,slup……uhhhhh I thiink thaaat your greaaaat……

  26. i would enjoy entourage a lot more if this happened every time vince’s career/personal life took a blow.

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