[Originally posted on June 22nd, 2013.]

As the Warner Bros/Legendary panel at Comic-Con came to a closZZZzzzzZzzzzzzzZZZzzzz. Ah, whoops! Ugh, how unprofessional, I’m sorry. It’s just that all of this Comic-Con news has been so excitZzzzzzzZZzzzzzzzzzzz. I just keep fallinzzZZzzzzzzz. Ahh! I just keep falling asleezZZZzzzzzzzz. Ugh, before that happens again let me try to get out the fact that Zack Snyder made a big announcement at the end of the Warner Bros/Legendary panel about the next Superman movie. Or should I say, the next SUPERMAN/BATMAN MOVIE! From Entertainment Weekly:

At that point, he called Harry Lennix — who you’ll recall basically played the Nick Fury character in Man of Steel — for a charismatic dramatic reading. (How charismatic? Lennix was wearing an ascot.) He read a key line from Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns [Ed Note: Spoilers I think, unless you already know, in which case nevermind.]:

“I want you to remember, Clark. In all the years to come. In all your most private moments. I want you to remember my hand at your throat. I want you to remember the one man who beat you.”

That line is, of course, spoken by Batman — and that “Clark” he’s referencing is, of course, Superman. (The quote comes after a lengthy battle between the two heroes.) As Lennix finished speaking, a giant Superman logo appeared on the Hall H screen … and it was superimposed on the Batman logo. So there you go: There is another Superman movie coming, and it will co-star Batman.

Ah! But I’m not ready for a Batman who doesn’t do the Christian Bale voice! As they say, though, Bat waits for no Man. To make that point even clearer we have for you today an ENTIRELY EXCLUSIVE look at Zack Snyder’s Batman/Superman movie screenplay! And you don’t even have to go to Comic-Con for it, thank god!

EXT. GOTHAM CITY – DAY

Looking weary after driving to Gotham City all the way from Metropolis, Superman pulls up to his moderately priced (for Gotham City) hotel, gets out of his Jeep, grabs his overnight bag from the back, and tosses his keys to the valet. To shield himself from paparazzi, he puts a bag over his head and sunglasses on top of it, but the paps still spot him, thanks to his Superman suit.

PAPARAZZI
Superman!
Over here, Superman!
Superman, what’s going on with kryptonite?!

Superman rushes past them into the hotel, holding his bag to his chest in an attempt to cover the Superman symbol on his suit.

CUT TO:

INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY

Batman scrolls through an e-reader on his Macbook Air and stops when he gets to a post on a blog that is not Dlisted but that is formatted the same way as Dlisted and has the kind of content Dlisted has. The post is titled “SUPERMAN IN GOTHAM, WOULD YOU HIT IT (IF HE KEPT THE BAG ON)?” and contains a photo of Superman entering the hotel. Batman rolls his eyes at his laptop like, “Ugh, are you serious?”

BATMAN (yelling)
ALFRED, GET IN HERE!

Alfred enters the room the way Willy Wonka comes out at the beginning of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory — first limping and then a somersault.

BATMAN
Thanks, Al, but that’s not enough to cheer me up today.

ALFRED
Uh-oh, that almost always works. Except for when…
(beat)
NO!

BATMAN
Yep.

ALFRED
Are you serious?!

BATMAN
Mmhm. Look.

Batman shows Alfred the post on the gossip blog. Alfred shakes his head and rolls his eyes.

ALFRED
Just ignore him.

BATMAN
You know I can’t just ignore him. It would be against my professional interests to ignore him, plus I’m sure he knows that I know that he’s here, and I don’t want to seem like I’m the one being evasive.

ALFRED
So what are you going to do?

BATMAN
Text and see if he wants to get a drink, I guess?

ALFRED
That sounds fine enough.

BATMAN
Yeah. Okay, get out of here so I can think about what to say.

ALFRED
Good luck.

Alfred does a silly walk all the way to the door, but looks back and sees Batman staring down at his phone — he hadn’t even been watching.

CUT TO:

INT. SUPERMAN’S HOTEL ROOM – DAY

Superman’s iPhone chimes, notifying him of a text. The text is from Batman and reads, “Saw you’re in town. Drinks?” Superman hasn’t turned off the ridiculous option on his iPhone that notifies the sender when a text has been read, so the text under the text bubble now reads, “READ.” Superman puts his phone down without responding and lies in bed for a nap.

CUT TO:

INT. WAYNE MANOR – DAY

Batman looks at his iPhone and watches as his text is marked “READ.” He waits for the ellipsis indicating the recipient is typing a response. After a few beats, the ellipsis still hasn’t come.

BATMAN
I’m going to fucking kill him.

Wow, Zack Snyder is going in a different direction for sure, but he’s staying true to the comics, which is nice, and I think it’s going to be a hit!

[Originally posted on June 22nd, 2013.]

Comments (8)
  1. Really hope that with the addition of Jesse Eisenberg, Kelly gets a shot to do a quick script doctor polish on Snyder’s latest draft. I for one would appreciate less Jesse as a supervillain and more Jesse as a child reviewing restaurants.

  2. The casting of Jesse Eisenberg as Lex Luthor makes a lot more sense now.

  3. Oh my god I forgot about this but it just made me laugh so hard again.

    And ugh you guys, I want to savor these last couple of days but my stupid company is distracting me with all these quitting formalities (which apparently include mentioning that though they really love me and will miss me, if they really wanted to they could sue me for leaving). You know what they say, if you love something, let it go and get a job that will pay them a decent salary!

  4. I don’t think people who wear ascots are automatically charismatic. In fact, I’d be more likely to describe them as “insufferable.”

  5. Alfred is the real hero.

  6. Kelly, I really hope that you’re going to be writing scripts for a living now. I never go to the movies and I stream what little I do watch (TOTALLY LEGALLY) but boy oh boy would I ever go see a Kelly Conaboy feature in theatres with multiple people, probably more than once, and maybe even buy the DVD and t-shirt.

    • I’m not a movie-going person, but I would go to see one of Kelly’s films. Can you incorporate the Petting Zoo videos into an action film plot?

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