[Originally posted on June 3rd, 2008.]

The Challenge: Despite being averse to cameras, teamwork, exotic foods, travel, haircuts, and physical exertion, I have to submit an audition tape to Survivor.

The Result: As with the Saw marathon challenge, once again I find myself rocking back and forth in a corner while simultaneously Googling “Microsoft Word Letter of Resignation Template.”

The people we see on reality shows all have a few things in common. They’re confident in their awesomeness, they enjoy both seeing and hearing themselves on television, and they all, at one point, desperately wanted to be on a reality show to the point where they were willing to undergo an audition process. I do not have any of these qualities. So it was only natural that in the ongoing battle that is Videogum co-editor Gabe and my Double Dog war, Gabe would insist that I make a reality show audition tape. And of all the reality shows in all the world, the one I would be the worst choice for is Survivor. I’ve never left the country (I know), and I don’t even like to try new foods in fancy restaurants, much less eat bugs on a beach. And while everyone thinks of him or herself as a competitive person to some degree, my take-no-prisoners moments are limited to random TV trivia and cutthroat games of Cranium.

So, I hereby I submit my plea for inclusion on Survivor‘s Season 18:

If the definition of Double Dog success is complete embarrassment, I win forever and ever.

[Originally posted on June 3rd, 2008.]

Comments (26)
  1. I’d never seen this before! Excuse me now while I go through all of the Double Dog posts.

  2. I have a feeling “What’s going on with the missing arm of Lindsay’s glasses?” will join the ranks of unanswered Videogum mysteries, such as “What happened to Intern Lauren?” and “Who is Steve Winwood?”

  3. Lindsay’s apartment is HUGE! And right off the mail room? She would never make it on Survivor after living in such luxury.

    • I don’t know, she must have had to outwit, outplay, outlast a few people to get that apartment.

      • I had a sweet roommate situation back then and it was his big apartment (that was filmed the day I moved in, actually, hence the mess!) I now live in a normal Brooklyn 1BR apartment. Also the missing glasses arm was just, uh, the way I lived life back then? On the edge? See also: having red wine teeth when I knew I was in a video for the internet.

  4. sogood.gif

  5. You guys I’m sorry this is totally off topic but I just gave notice at my terrible job. So many changes all at once! Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Monsters of our lives!

    • Did you quit because you realized you can’t work behind a desk if there’s no Videogum?

      • YES! (No). The only thing that softened this blow was that I wasn’t going to be able to be on here as much anyway once I started the new job because my schedule is going to be a lot different.

      • I honestly don’t know what I’m going to do. Comment on Grantland? They don’t even let you use a pseudonym!

        • You don’t even use a pseudonym here, Carmen Petaccio! You use you whole, full name like some kind of lunatic!

        • I’ve reserved a WordPress account that we can use in case the worst happens: http://vgum.wordpress.com/

          It will obviously not be as good, or even good, period, but it can at least be a place where we can hang out and upvote each other’s comments. I spend all my time reading celebrity news and other silly nonsense on the internet anyway; I might as well blog about it (and WP allows contributors, too).

          • I have also secretly been thinking about what I could contribute to the wordpress, if it comes to that. So far my ideas are setting up my Louis Tomlinson life-sized cardboard cut-out in silly situations, and a debrief of what I am going to do in Chicago this weekend. My ideas are not very good!!!

          • Anything involving a life-size cardboard cutout is ALWAYS a good idea.

          • BRB have to go set up a photoshoot set!!

          • If you are in Chicago this weekend, we should set up some kind of Chicago monster pizza party. I would totally come unless it is -20 or snowing.

            Safe travels flanny!

          • We’ve been chatting about it a little on fb. I don’t know how much free time I’ll have, but there’s talk of meeting up for half a second during the VERY convenient time of 1-5 Friday afternoon.

    • congratulations on your new job and getting out of your old one!

  6. So did Survivor ever pick Lindsay?

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