andy_cohen.jpg

Last night, at midnight, with very little fanfare, Bravo launched a new weekly late night talk show hosted by Andy “When I Grow Up I’m Going to Exploit Teenagers for Money and Try to Get Famous by Interviewing Monsters” Cohen. Look, we all need to put food on our families, I know that as well as anyone, but Andy Cohen kind of drives me crazy. When he first started hosting the Real Housewives reunion episodes I thought “Oh, this guy must want to be an actor, and while I’m glad that he has work, because we’re all adults and we all have to have work, that must be kind of depressing for him.” I had very similar feelings about Jonathan Karsh, host of Kid Nation. But then it turned out that Andy Cohen was actually Bravo’s Senior Vice President of Original Programming. So he is the one putting all of this stuff in our eyes. And now he’s tired of dessicated vagina dentatas getting all the attention. He wants to be on TV so that he can get the exact same respect and admiration that Jill Zarin gets. Woof.

So he made a Vice Presidential of Original Programming order for his own show. And now it’s on TV. Here are a couple of questions:

  1. Why is it live?
  2. Why is it on at midnight?
  3. Why does it exist?
  4. Are you allowed to drink wine on the rocks through a a straw on TV?
  5. Wine on the rocks?

Seriously, what is this?

Throwing everybody under the bus! This guy should get a blog!

Yes, Andy Cohen, your $5,000 “Bravo Clubhouse” set looks amaaaaaaaazing. Ooh, is that a Magic Eight Ball and a pile of old books from a library dumpster?

Maybe you should have spent some of that budget on the graphics for this show.

I’m not trying to be an opening credits snob. I’m just saying that if you want to run with the big dogs, the big dogs don’t use MacPaint.

Whatever. The inner-city-high-school-that-isn’t-allowed-to-have-nice-computers-because-of-institutionalized-racism-but-some-of-the-students-have-started-a-graphic-design-club-anyway aesthetic is the least of this show’s problems.

Later, Sarah Jessica Parker provided the show’s patented “Midnight Booty Call.”

It was a great interview if you wanted to hear Andy Cohen talk about the time he was an extra on Sex and the City, or if you ever wanted to hear what Sarah Jessica Parker sounded like calling from a garbage can.

Also, NO:

Andy Cohen: Hey guys, isn’t it crazy how my new catchphrase is taking off?
World: Your new catchphrase is not taking off.
Andy Cohen: It’s going to be huge.
World: No it isn’t.
Andy Cohen: Me want food!
World: Go away.

THIS SHOW GIVES ME CAUSE FOR PAUSE.

Comments (37)
  1. madfishes  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 +10

    “Andy Cohen digs the ocean, the color yellow, disco balls, the B-52′s, funny girls, and TV”?

    mm andy, why do you have to say you like funny girls? i guess its cool to like girls if youre a gay guy or whatevs, but its weird that that would be one of 6 things he’d think to name. if you like them so much, why dont you just marry them

  2. Is he saying “mazel?” As in “mazel tov?” Is this something that happens? Does he realize he’s just saying “luck” in Hebrew? Luck of the week? So many questions. So many answers that I don’t need.

  3. Boo. Good thing I’m one of the few people who go to sleep at midnight. No mazel to everyone else.

  4. MIchael Rice  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 +7

    Great TWSS moment:

    “There is no way we won’t take it…”

  5. laura  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 +11

    His head moves too much when he talks.

    Also, gays, get over it. Andy Cohen said Bruno is fine.

  6. In the past, I have been known to say “Mazel” because ISRAEL. Thank you, Andy “We share a last name :( ” Cohen for showing me I was being a douche. Never forget.
    Gabe, as President of Entertainment you outrank him. Please put him in jail and SHUT IT DOWN! You have the power.

  7. “dessicated vagina dentatas.”

    Gabe, sometimes you warm my cold little heart.

  8. Literally. Hilariously.

  9. The first video stopped to buffer after “This is Andy Cohen in the Bravo clubhouse with Real Housewives star–” The video was right.

  10. Gabe, you’re a mensch. The fact that you would watch this show in order to make all of us laugh…well, it’s a mitzvah, really. This show looks like total meshugas.

  11. here’s what gays! our phones just broke!

    DEEP CAUSE FOR PAUSE!!!

  12. mmmm, hits the spot. what is this? ice?

    no uh, sweet white wine on ice.

  13. i miss the days of your Kid Nation liveblog.

  14. Mabuk  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 +6

    As instructed, I fired off many emails to http://www.bravo.com without success

  15. Megaditto, Gabe. This guy is unacceptable for a hundred discrete reasons, including: his sense of gay entitlement; his crooked, uptalking smarm-fest of a monkey face; and last but not least, NOT EVEN TALKING to Danielle, who seems kind of sweet and nervous (by comparison) as she sits there in uncharacteristic silence while he babbles idiotically about whatevah. (Of course, she’s only quiet because he’s basically her boss and she wants her own show).

  16. Ugh. The Madonna hand me down skirt and the wine on ice. And the straw. I can’t get past Bad 80′s Danielle Barbie. Why is she even there? Next week: Kelly Bensimon wearing Benetton, drinking Schlitz from a beer hat.

  17. Here’s what gays, this was HILARIOUS.

  18. The show, the set, etc. all have the vibe of MTV, week one. I keep waiting for Nina Blackwood to wander into the frame.

  19. This reminds me of that show Jeff Probst used to have on FX before he was famous, and before FX was exclusively devoted to airing Nic Cage action movies. He would answer viewer mail and other boring stuff. For some reason I was obsessed with that show.

  20. “Here’s what gays”
    Umm, what? Did you really just say that, in a sentence, in reference to a minority group?
    As a part of that minority group, I’d like to revoke your right to ever make a comment about us again. Thanks.
    (Gays using the term gay as a noun on a talk show = give me new representation!)
    You’re worse for us than Bruno, sir, with your stereotypical vain, fame-hungry personality and greasy sneer. And if gay people (yes, people who are gays, instead of simply “gays”) want to question the effects that Bruno’s wild exploitation of gay stereotypes might have on the gay community, they have every right to say so. Quit your pandering and condescension, thanks, I’m sure GLAAD is aware that Bruno is, in fact, a character. And you’re basically Perez, yourself.
    Rachel Maddow for LGBT President of the Universe, please? The world would be safe in her hands.

    (Damnit, now I’m just going to come across as a “typical angry gay” :( )

  21. “i once again find myself snorting Big Brother like the fine crack cocaine that it is…”
    OK ANDY, I have a feeling you’re just snorting fine crack cocaine like the fine crack cocaine that it is.
    also, there’s an ass-sniffing joke in there somewhere (where ISN’T there an ass-sniffing joke??? amirite?)

    • I got the sense that he said “fine crack cocaine” to make it seem as though he doesn’t know the difference between powder and crack. is it too much to presume that he and Danielle split an 8 ball before the show started?

  22. Mazel Whoops, Andy Cohen, you’re an asshole.

  23. Allison  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 0

    for srs. I found out this dude was like, top stature at Bravo and my head nearly exploded. I guess he really believes in the stuff he puts out if he cares enough to host his own reunion shows. or maybe all of the old MTV vjs were busy hosting their one reunion of the year.

  24. also, watching these clips was refreshing! like you, Danielle!

  25. Wine, over ice = “Nice” ?

    I wish I could pull off his look, but I wear an undershirt to cover my chest-bush.

  26. re. the graphic: there’s more to it– the palette is the chromatic equivalent of a sour note. chocolate and turquoise is played out as it is, but the dose you get on this show is enough to induce simultaneous suicidal depression and dysentery.

  27. nadine  |   Posted on Sep 25th, 2009 0

    kandi won the fight she is awsome kandi you are a true lady and have more class in your little finger then nene will ever have she has no class it is all about her so she thinks she is a true hater and she has a big mouth she needs to clean up her own back yard before she bashes the others you keep going kandi your awesome and beautiful stick with kim

  28. susan  |   Posted on Sep 28th, 2009 0

    I didn’t know Andy was Sr VP of programing. That explains how someone with no talent can get his own show. And that mazel crap with his liberal views just makes the show worse!!!! Why don;t they change the name to Cohen’s Trainwreck….LIve!

  29. susan  |   Posted on Sep 28th, 2009 0

    I didn’t know Andy was Sr VP of programing. That explains how someone with no talent can get his own show. And that mazel crap with his liberal views just makes the show worse!!!! Why don;t they change the name to Cohen’s Trainwreck….LIve!

  30. NeNe is a B!!! She is a mean person – loud mouth, classless, and in desperate need of anger management. She was drunk and I think angry because she’s fat, ugly, and has a terrible marriage. They all talk about Kim behind her back and say the most horrible things about anyone that isn’t black. What would happen to anyone on TV that would say, “black people do so and so” or “she acts that way because she hangs around with black people” – at the very least they would be thrown off TV. I hate NeNe – she is hateful. I think that is is very jealous of. And, when she said, “Kim sang at a strip mall – OK” – ‘well Candy sang at a strip mall too! AND, she is suppose to be “really good”! Didn’t NeNe get that or maybe she was too drunk or stupid to know how dumb she is. Hate her! Why do you have her on all the time Andy? Probably because she doesn’t have any other work – always available.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.