How was your day today? Mine was bad! I’m sick! I know I already talked about it, but it’s all I can think about! Waaahh, waahh! At the very least, though, I am not Jonah Hill, who got paid the SAG minimum of $60,000 (and they say people can’t live on minimum wage, jk) for his work on Wolf of Wall Street (for which Leonardo DiCaprio got paid $10 million), and then talked about it on the radio even though he really did not have to! From E Online:

While being interviewed by Howard Stern during his radio show on Tuesday, Jan. 21, the 30-year-old actor admitted he was willing to work for the SAG minimum in order to collaborate with director Martin Scorsese.

During the broadcast, the program’s official Twitter account posted the following: “Now on H100 @jonahhill tells @howardstern that he did the 7 month ‘Wolf of Wall Street’ shoot for $60,000 because he wanted the role so bad.”

What’s more, Hill told Stern he couldn’t sign his contract fast enough because he was so afraid they would change their minds and hire someone else.

Keep that stuff under your hat, Jonah Hill! Tell your close friends late at night in a moment when you feel really connected to them and then tell no one else! We don’t need to know! Obviously, though, you made a good decision you poor little $60k baby, but HOW WERE THE REST OF YOUR DAYS? Good? Bad? Sick?

Comments (94)
  1. I got a JOB!!! but now i have to wear pants every day???

  2. After a few weeks of being in kind of a rut, I’ve kicked myself in the bum a little and have been writing and working out every day and just generally being a person instead of a person-shaped sloth, so my day has been good even thought nothing of note happened. I also got this fancy new “highlighting concealer” (it’s Maybelline, so, not actually fancy) that makes my skin glow like a Tolkien elf, so, I feel very cute, also.

    I just had dinner and now I’m going to watch the second episode of True Detective, which I’m enjoying even though it’s basically Harrelson vs McConaughey: Battle Of The Marbled-Mouthed Mumblers.

    I’ll be keeping those who are truly suffering (movie stars who get paid many thousands of dollars for a few months of work instead of many millions, and people who are sick I guess) in my thoughts.

  3. Ok last week I ruined my painting, and now this week something else bad happened! My car is sick and had to go to the car fix-it place! Something about the emergency brake. Also my Kelly is sick! But I sent her a surprise to help her feel better. Nope, not tellin’.

  4. Things are lookin’ up! I am heading towards a decisive victory in my passive-aggressive war with my co-workers, and I figured out a way to make deep fried tacos, which is basically the best thing I’ve ever done.

  5. I had a performance review yesterday that went pretty good! Now I’m waiting to hear if my girlfriend’s flight home is delayed ‘acause of snow, because if it is I have to drive up to her parents’ house to dog-sit for them. (It’s a stupid dog.)(Sorry!)

  6. I got a new job (sorry to piggyback on your news, Ash!!), and it pays decent and lets me work from home and set my own hours and I already love it! I’ll get to spend the day with my dog and cat, which means I can have a social life as I’m not commuting 45 mins home to walk the dog, and then having to drive 30 mins back to town and feeling guilty about leaving her alone all day long! Yay!!!

    I also have a new man. Dream man turned out to be a bit scary, has a bit of a temper, said he never wanted to be apart from me because he has no way of knowing that I’m not bringing guys home if he isn’t there (ugh), and told me I don’t count as a Canadian because I’m an immigrant, so I broke up with him. Planned to be single for a bit, but a coworker introduced me to this gigantic dreamboat of a nerd and we’ve had two dates. We talked Lovecraft and Pratchett and Doctor Who and Noam Chomsky and he is 6’5″ and does historical re-enactments (lololol)(NEEEEEERRRRRRD) and is tv-and-movie-nerd handsome. We’re going to see I, Frankenstein this weekend, which looks terrible, and he wants to bring me to meet his friends for their weekly board games and pot luck night on Monday, which I’m pretty solidly in favour of.

    • Dump him IMMEDIATELY. Seriously, who likes potlucks? We all TOLERATE them in the office, but nobody sincerely enjoys a potluck! And this guy is not only participating in them, but actively involved in arranging them? Sociopath.

      • I’m assuming you’ve never experienced the wonderment of a dessert potluck.

      • Yeah, it’s great that he has a games group, but why don’t they order takeout? Please ask them about this and also report on what you end up playing.

      • POT LUCKS ARE THE MOTHERFUCKING BEST. Let me tell you a story. When I was in university and desperately poor, because I paid for it myself #bootstraps, I had a grocery budget of like 10$ a month so ate mostly rice and cabbage soup and was fucking miserable. My friend Kathy found out, and started having these monthly pot lucks and giving me all the leftover because Kathy is the very best person in the world. She would also request things for me, apparently. Like, people I had never met would come up to me and be like “Oh you’re Fatima? I was told to bring this cheese tray for you.”

        Office pot lucks suck because people half-ass it, but if you have some friends who are good cooks and you all get creative, it’s like the best free buffet in the world.

        • I like pot lucks when ive seen what that persons kitchen looks like.

        • I used to share an office with some amazing cooks and we’d all try to outdo each other. I miss that.

        • But it’s NOT a free buffet! That is the problem! When you go into a potluck, you are essentially buying into a contract, wherein you agree to eat less of your own food in exchange for the foods of others. The only way to achieve a desirable outcome in this scenario is for the food you eat to be better than the food you bring. Therefore, it is in the best interests of the potlucker to provide a less desirable option in order to increase their chances of walking away victorious.

          This is a model that cannot sustain itself. If you have a potluck filled with shrewd potluckers, then it essentially becomes a competition of diminishing returns. In the end, everybody’s just going to be bringing store-brand diet soda.

          However, since this isn’t the case, and potlucks have been going on for centuries, there must be a problem with this model, yes? This is where you bring in the human factor. Why doesn’t everybody just bring store-brand diet soda and call it a day? Because people do not understand how to fulfill their own best interests. That is the underlying problem. The only way potlucks are sustainable is if you’re potlucking with thoughtless oafs. And who wants to eat food made by a thoughtless oaf?

          I will concede that there are differences between an office potluck and a potluck among friends. The office potluck is all-inclusive, whereas a friend can be removed from potlucking occasions if they don’t bring anything good to the table, thereby creating a new level of competition. But in this scenario, self-interest shifts to bringing something that is JUST GOOD ENOUGH. When there is the possibility of exclusion from future potlucks, everybody who understands the basic economics of the potluck will bring the most mediocre food possible, so as to gain the relative advantage against the other potluckers, while helping to ensure future inclusion. The friendly potluck, therefore, will average out into mediocrity, and is therefore not a worthwhile pursuit.

          • I’ll have my lawyer look at this

          • You sure devote a lot of time to thinking about the economics of the potluck…

          • Meanwhile, my ACTUAL economics homework assignment remains entirely untouched. Go figure!

          • Disagree. As someone who likes to cook, my version of winning is if the dish that I bring is the one that everyone else likes the most. Therefor, I always try to bring something that is better than what anyone else can bring. You need to move away from your self-interested potluck groups and ingratiate yourself into a more competitive one, where people will try to make more and more scrumptious dishes every time in order to “win”.

          • But then you could just make that dish for yourself! By bringing it to a potluck, you are eating less of the delicious stuff, and more of the NOT delicious stuff! Maybe YOU need to rethink your idea of winning!

          • I guess I never thought of evaluating potlucks according to game theory.

            But, seriously, I think the most likely explanation for potluck mediocrity is that most people just aren’t good cooks. The last potluck I attended had a salad made up of green leaf lettuce, black olives out of a can, and crosscut bell peppers. Truly one of the worst salads I’ve ever had, and knowing what I know about the bringer’s food preferences, I truly believe it wasn’t intentional mediocrity.

            But, anyway, that’s why I love dessert potlucks, because, even if someone brings something mediocre, it’s still pretty good.

    • Yiiiikes. I’m glad you found someone better, old man fatima!

      I have to know, though. What historical periods does New Nerd Man re-enact??

    • AH! How very exciting!

    • Also I made really great goodbye gifts for my kids (robot laboratory, super villain kit, spy kit, etc) and the head teach texted me today that they’ve been bringing them all week and bragging to everyone about them, and that they’re all they want to play with. I love you, kids!!


    • I always loved pot lucks with my nerdy college friends because we’re all such food snobs that it was just like a what’s what of some incarnation of something from one of the various Moosewood Cookbooks plus grilling plus fancy beer. So uptight hippie college and alumni potlucks = better than a fancy restaurant. The rest? I bring a good salad with roasted tofu (it’s good — even my super Ron Swanson type family members like it) and heavy beer.

    • Where can I get one???

  7. I was in Japan for 3 weeks and it was great, but now I’m back at work. I came back to an unexpected raise though, so not complaints! I do, however, miss hot vending machine coffee cans and melon bread for breakfast every morning.

  8. My day was good because DC is a bunch of babies when it comes to weather, so we had a two hour late start at work!

    Although it’s so cold that I can’t bring myself to take off my coat/scarf/hat.

  9. I’ve been having an off week (had to go to the museum to get my badge renewed today and guess what?!? they were closed do to weather) but, as I was waiting on the train to head back home, this elderly tourist couple came up and asked me a question about the T. Then they asked me if I was a student. Then they asked about why I liked museum work and why some paintings get darker over time. THEN, when I told them how to get to their next adventure, they thanked me and said I was very sweet and smart and wished me luck. Sometimes people are ok.

  10. There’s a big event at work tomorrow, which means that everyone around me was very stressed out, which stressed me out. But then suddenly my boss stopped being stressed out around 3:30, so maybe she just snapped and is a crazy person now? But whatever, I’m less stressed out when she’s less stressed out.
    Also #moderatebraggum, I’m pretty pleased because we’re fully three weeks into the new year, and I’m still doing all my resolutions. (Well, except for one, but I never really believed I’d do that one anyway.) Anyway, I’m really proud of myself, because one of my resolutions was to not take things that happened at work personally. And today someone said something to me which I probably would have taken personally last month, but today I was just like, “Whatever. I make priorities and I stand by my prioritizations and if people don’t understand that, that’s on them.” VAGUEST STORY EVER, hope you liked.

  11. I just got back from my vacation and it’s really cold here. It was warmer at 10 a.m. in Santa Rosa than at 3 p.m. in Portland. But… I get to come home to my cold, filthy house. Also… I saw Crater Lake on the flight, which I never saw or noticed before, and it is really REALLY PRETTY. Also, I flew twice in a week and SURVIVED!!! Now to do Visio until my eyes bleed…
    Oh! and on my flight to Santa Rosa, I sat next to Guy Fieri’s attorney and asked him a bunch of silly questions and he was super normal (the attorney was)… so it was mostly me just asking odd questions and him giving me weird looks. But apparently it was Guy’s birthday on Saturday and Guy makes it a costume event based on 80s movies and this year’s theme was Cannonball Run and I was going to go as Dom DeLuise but couldn’t procure a white leisure suit in time and had dinner plans with my parents so I didn’t go. Oh well. Now I know to pack accordingly for next January’s visit.


      • I can’t tell if you are being sarcastic but I’m terrified of flying so the novelty of sitting next to the attorney for the Mayor of Flavortown was a solid way to pass the time.

        • are you kidding?! Not even a little bit sarcastic! That’s a killer story! I’m glad the universe planted the lawyer next to you so you could think less about being terrified, and I’m even more glad that you shared the story with us. Guy Fieri has a lawyer??? (I mean, of course he does, but he has a lawyer whose big-name client is… Guy Fieri. It’s almost a hilarious story right there! That guy has to conduct serious business with Guy Fieri!) Guy Fieri’s birthday parties are 80′s movie costume parties????? Just incredible.

  12. I have been having such a shitty year for all the weeks it has been going on and it all sort of hit critical mass this week but now I have some things in motion that I think will make it better (I hope!) so that’s nice. I was able to block out most of the “hostile work environment” stuff today and had some fun joking around with my non-terrible coworkers so I guess it’s a win?

  13. I have somehow managed to lose all my winter hats.

  14. We’re having the most beautiful winter I’ve ever experienced here in LA. I’m sorry to bring it up because it sounds really bad in the rest of the country, but this warm weather is making me so happy and calm that I have to mention it. I went to the beach twice last week, compared to 0 times last summer. A guy on NPR said that the beautiful weather is caused by a jet stream from Canada, I can only assume it’s an attempt to apologize for sending us Justin Bieber.

  15. I think I’m starting to get whatever Kelly has, but fuck it I planned on going to a concert and eat kabobs and I’ll be damned if I miss out. I’m going to load up on whatever OTC/homeopathic crap I can find and power through.

  16. literally every single person with whom i hang out with any sort of regularity is currently on tour (this is what happens when all of your friends are musicians and you are only sort of a musician), so it looks as though i will be being even more of a hermit than usual for the next few months. but i still haven’t even beaten pokémon x yet (LADIES), so, like, it’s FINE.

  17. I’m mostly sick of a lot of things. Life stuff sucks. Living in a small town can suck sometimes. Anxiety and depression can suck. But at least I’m not Jonah Hill. It sounds mildly annoying to only be paid sixty thousand dollars to work with Martin Scorcese. You’re worth more than that, Jonah Hill!

    Cheer up, Jonah Hill! My dog gets paid pretty much nothing and has to work with me everyday. I get paid more than my dog! Isn’t that crazy? He’s pretty much doing the heavy lifting at this point. It can always be worse (and I’m talking to Jonah here, guys). Take that either as affirmation or caution, Jonah.

    Basically, Jonah Hill should cheer up. Also, my dog. I think he’s sad. I dunno, he looks sad when he’s tired. He has more energy than I ever do, but it’s only for a few hours a day. He sleeps the rest. That would be kinda cool, just sleeping seventy percent of the day. I think Obama should cheer up, and maybe other politicians. They kinda are always in a bad mood, right? That’s kinda why things are the way they are?

    I guess everyone should cheer up. Maybe. Probably. Maybe everyone should cheer up except people who we need to not cheer us up. The press. Artists of all sorts who help those of us who aren’t cheered up. God. If there is a god, it’s probably pissed off all the time, right? I mean, if it’s all knowing and all powerful, it can’t be in a good mood? Would a God even have moods, or is it like a machine that just dolls out punishment and the occasional miracle? What even is a miracle at this point in history? Toast selfies? If there was a God, would the prayers work like some Rube Goldberg machine, tinkering and click-clacking down the way from heaven to Earth, or is it more like a calculator? Do you put in a prayer, and there’s some equation that’s run through, indecipherable to humans? Like, does God just starve people to death because he’s bored, or is he pissed off? Or does it just happen because that’s what’s in the equation? Maybe he’s a psychopath incapable of human empathy, right? God should cheer up.

    I don’t really believe in a God, but when you propose the idea, that’s kinda what comes to mind. There have been a million classes in a million places around the globe dedicated to these very simple questions alone. I grew up in Christian schools, and one of the first things they tell you when you start to have these thoughts is to not question them. “God has a plan.” That sort of mantra. Lip service to mute how you really feel.

    I somehow feel like I’m complaining. I’m not. I live a pretty comfortable life. I know I’ll have food if I need it. I know I’ll have water and a bed to sleep in. I have access to all the known information in the world at my fingertips. Most of the people I care deeply for care for me as well. I’m pretty lucky, and I’m not complaining. I should cheer up.

    But mostly, Jonah Hill should cheer up.

  18. I did two things on the very long list of things I really should have been doing in December! I am an adult! Then I watched Sherlock and avoided my friends. Pretty normal day, really.

  19. My day was okay, but complicated by a crazy thing that happened to me on Monday! Over the weekend I was staying with my friend-man. Monday morning I went outside to discover that my car, which I had parked in front of the house as I usually do, had disappeared! Vanished. I called the police and said “I think I’m reporting a stolen vehicle, maybe?” (confused because my car is probably worth like 500$ tops and there are lots of nicer cars to steal on that street). I gave the make and model of the car and the police said “Oh, hmm, we impounded that car, actually.” They sent a very nice police officer to come explain to me what had happened. APPARENTLY over the course of Sunday night my car became self-aware and propelled itself down AND ACROSS the street, into another car 3 houses down! The neighbor had woken up to discover my car nestled into his car and called the police, who were unable to contact the owner of the ghost-driven vehicle because my license plates are from another state. And they knocked on a few doors to inquire, but not the one I was staying at, because my car had strayed too far. So they impounded it.

    I recovered my car and the damage to both seems minimal, so I guess everything is okay, but that was a weird day!

  20. I threw a potluck and one of my friends thought it was acceptable to bring store-brand diet cola, so I had to have him killed

  21. GUYSSSS, I am really, really stressed out! (I know no one will read this at this point, but whatever!)

    So, I’m moving to a new place tomorrow! It’s very, very exciting as it’s going to be a much better situation for me and cut my commute from 40 minutes to 5! BUT! It happened so fast! I only had two weeks to get everything situated and money is falling through my fingers so fast and in such large increments that I’m really surprised that I haven’t gotten a fraud alert from my bank and Experian (because also, also I am one of the Target hacking victims and now I have free credit monitoring for a year?) So it’s been incredibly stressful, AND I lost my iPod yesterday which made me very upset because running and listening to comedy podcasts is like a major stress reliever for me and so I am just :(

    BUT anyway, I’m taking tomorrow off and I’m going to move and it’s going to be so great when I’m finally in my apartment all by my lonesome (first time living 100% alone w/no roommates or family members!) Yay for solitude! But my cable/Internet’s not getting installed until Monday which means I will miss Sherlock and that is also upsetting.

    It’s a mixed bag right now kids!

    • How exciting! Living alone is fun! Enjoy never wearing pants!

    • That’s great though! Moving is the worst, but cutting your commute? Awesome. Getting rid of weird roommates (I’m sure they’re lovely, but still)? Awesome. Eventually getting to watch Sherlock without the threat of interruption? Brilliant.

      Also, welcome to the Target hacking club. Ugh.

    • Thanks girls! Despite all my whining, I am actually very excited!!!

  22. I am very late to this so maybe I’m just sharing for personal benefit, but in case anyone is still reading, here’s how my day went yesterday (including some weekend stuff!): Yesterday I had a doctor’s appointment and I think the thing that has been a thorn in my side will be resolved or at least worked on. Not a literal thorn in my side…i’ll just get a mouse to pull that shit out. Sweet little mouse. Work was pretty good but some days I feel useless (even though I’m not) and yesterday was one of those days. Then I talked to my best friend on the phone for like an hour and she’s seriously the best person ever and so great!!! We get to see each other in 2 weeks!!!! Then while I was talking to my best friend, mr truck was fixing this thing on the house and he’s very handy! Then I made him Brinner ™ which is breakfast for dinner and it was delicious. He has been working like crazy this month (including working saturdays) and he got me pretzels with mustard and dessert treats and reuben fixin’s on Friday night and then Saturday night we went to my friend’s birthday bar crawl and we got a really great deal on an awesome hotel room downtown so we wouldn’t have to drive and we just had a great time. I had been thinking I should do more sweet stuff for him because he’s been working like crazy (I got him his favorite drink which is very hard to find!) but then he goes and does a bunch of sweet stuff for me because he’s great. I’m planning a baby shower for my other best friend (the reason I’m seeing both of my best friends in two weeks) and it’s gonna be the fucking cutest, best thing ever.

    Also above when I typed “fixin’s” I hope you all said it ala Kenny Powers & Stevie on Eastbound & Down because that’s how I ALWAYS say it from now on. Someday my kids will be at school pronouncing it like that and they’re gonna get made fun of and all of the sudden discover that their parents are weirdos.

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