Whip It trailer, you guys:

In 1994, on my 42nd birthday, I went to see Wesley Snipes’s Drop Zone in the theater. In Wesley Snipes’s Drop Zone, a federal marshal infiltrates a gang of criminals (led by Gary Busey, an obvious choice for “mastermind”) who SKYDIVE INTO THEIR CRIMES. It was an obvious Point Break rip-off, sure, but even more than that it seemed like a producer had taken up skydiving as a hobby and decided it would make the basis for a great action movie. He was sitting around the country club one afternoon, and he put his cigar out in his Cobb salad and smacked his overtanned forehead with his meat hand and said “what if you took the thrill and majesty of skydiving and combined it with a hackneyed story about the DRUG WAR? Hand me my checkbook, I need to write myself a check for a billion dollars.”

My point is that roller derby, a hobbyistic niche extreme sport, combined with plot, minus Wesley Snipes, plus Kristin Wiig (the thinking man’s Gary Busey. Huh?), and also the WAR ON DRUGS +/- = beauty pageants, makes this basically Drop Zone but for girls. It’s called math, guys, and it’s super cool to be good at it.

Comments (68)
  1. “The directorial debut of Drew Barrymore” is going into my file of great “directorial debut” phrases, right next to “the directorial debut of Antonio Banderas.” God bless Hollywood.

  2. i’m still waiting to cross that badminton movie off my bucket list, frankly. WHO WILL TELL OUR STORY???

  3. Zachra  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +9

    I’m up for any film with Futureman in it.

  4. Whip-its are a powerful drug.

    –Drew Barrymore

  5. MK  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 -1

    Every 30 seconds that trailer raises the bar for awfulness.

  6. jnuh  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +25

    “Celebrate mediocrity. That’s Fantastic.”

    I couldn’t have said it any better myself, Whip It trailer.

  7. I prefer to think of it as Tilt (1979) minus Brooke Shields, plus Ellen Page.

  8. I got really excited when Jens Lekman started off this trailer. It was all downhill from there. Ugh.

  9. Napoleon Complex  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +10

    I’m going to see this. Just because of my monster crush on Ellen Page.

  10. “Find your tribe” – I’ve been saying that since the DNC of 1992, right before the dissolution of my first marriage.

  11. The directorial debut of Drew Barrymore? Forget that, I’m waiting for the directorial debut of Gwyneth Paltrow in Goop: the Musical!

  12. Somehow I never, ever tire of the jokes about Gabe’s age. Especially when they mention his divorce.
    But then I’m also in the Hugh-Jackman-Pee-Joke Apologists camp.

  13. This movie’s name is Toby.

  14. Good thing they explained the entire plot in that trailer. We even saw the dad GIVE BACK THE SKATES after the family conflict. The parents come around! (Of course they do.) Now I never have to see this.

  15. buenosueno  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 0

    let’s not forget “terminal velocity”

  16. Daniel “The Wet Bandit” Stern? I’m in!

  17. Oh look Ellen Page as a kooky, quirky, like-totally-cool, cute indie girl. That must’ve taken a lot of thought.

  18. Glad to see that other Wilson brother get some *work*.

    also, Landon Pigg! amirite, ladies?
    ( of “i think that possibly, maybe i’m falling for you*fame*)

  19. My money’s on a good montage of roller skating falls and foibles for Ellen Page to become Babe Ruthless. Yet another baseball reference. We’re on fire!

  20. Oh great another Ellen Page movie where she plays a misunderstood teenager. Awesome.

  21. Page = Cera (Yeah I’m aware of Hard Candy, and Tracey Fragments but I’m talking on the whole in acting choices of late.)

    • Ok, that’s fair considering Smart People, but even then, Micheal Cera only ever had one character. You have to give Ellen Page more credit than that. She Is a very good actress, who perhaps makes bad movie choices. Like Kat Dennings. And unlike Micheal Cera, who I’m beginning to like less and less…

      • You’ve got a good point, but I have to agree with Calliwell a little bit. I mean, there’s no doubting that Ellen Page isn’t able to act, yet we got to address the fact that she may be making bad movie choices, but it is much more likely she is just choosing to play to her strengths (her strengths being an awkward teenage girl), which is just boring.
        That being said, she is no way as one dimensional as Michael Cera! However, is it wrong that we want something more from her!?

  22. Hidden due to low comment rating. Click here to see

  23. Ellen Page, Jimmy Fallon, and Drew Barrymore (also directing) in a movie about grrrlz playing Roller Derby featuring the music of Jens Lekman and Weezer. This is like a Film Threat geek?s backlash wet dream.

  24. I’ve seen roller derby IRL (unfortunately) and for serious it’s just a bunch of fat or suicide girl-esque chicks skating pretty slow in a circle, without hitting each other. I thought they would at least shove and punch but they did not. If a movie directed by Drew Barrymore is more hardcore than your life, it’s frown o’clock.

    • It depends on what part of the country you’re talking about. Ladies hurt each other.

      • I can see that. My roller derby viewing venue was Seattle, though I think there were teams from around the country there (it was at a music festival… i don’t know why). I’m just sayin, it seems to be a thing for a certain subset of people to act like they’re all hard core when in reality they’d shit their pants if someone drew a knife on them.

    • I can only speak to what I’ve seen in New Zealand, but the Derby girls here are the real deal. Those ladies smash the living shot of each other. Sure, some of the girls are heftier than your average female athlete, and some of them are pretty heavily inked, but not all. Some of them are just petite blondes who cover up their massive bruises with a blouse the next day and go to work in an office. And shitting your pants when a knife is pulled on you would seem a pretty legitimate response – I don’t think you’d find them fronting about that.

    • Monkey  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 -1

      Its true! We have several teams in my area and I was like totally expecting some cute indie Ellen Page-esque girls to be knocking the ever-lovin crap outta each other. Nope. Just a buncha fat girls from the Hot Topic clearance rack skating in a slow circle . For like 45 minutes. I was all like “YAY!…..They should make a movie out of this! Because its so exiting!!!”

  25. eb  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 -1

    super cool to be good at math….as long as it’s the kind that doesn’t involve numbers

  26. ellen page’s character’s name is “bliss” — that’s pretty much all you need to determine that this film’s gonna suck. that and this simple math: anything + jimmy fallon = kiss of death

  27. Faster and Furious-er 5: Gender Bender

  28. ModernMANdroid  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +5

    There’s never been a movie targeted at the online Snark-o-verse, guys. If they made one, you guys would just scoff at it anyway. I think if they market this one right, especially with any kind of niche marketing towards the rather large (no pun intended) rollergirl community, they’ll make a big HEAT-bag of cash.
    ‘Bliss’ as a character’s name is d*cked up, but monsters are handing out all kinds of stupid names to kids these days…

  29. I thought this was going to be “from the mind of Diablo Cody,” but it being Drew Barrymore’s directorial debut actually makes it even worse.

  30. I love Ellen Page, and I think this role varies at least somewhat from her role in Juno (a shy nerd instead of a trendy, snarky, hipster nerd). And I kind of want to see this…

    And I really liked Juno…

    Thank you, Videogum, for making me feel ashamed of my taste in movies!

  31. finally. eve starring in a movie not set in a barber/beauty shop. reach for the stars, eve!

    also: (‘girls just wanna have fun’ – military dad + pageant mom – dancing + ‘roll, bounce’) + (‘to wong fu, thanks for everything, julie numar’ – transgendered mentors + sassy female mentors) = ‘whip it.’

  32. Annika  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +7

    I think this would fall into the “terrible but fun” category that I hold dear in my heart. Some bad movies are still a joy to watch.

  33. This could have been Robogeisha, but as soon as Pork and Beans started, my interest officially wilted.

  34. I dunno, I don’t like Ellen Page…and was that Eve? but I’ve had a pretty persistent girl crush on Drew Barrymore for forever so I’m going to go ahead and say this will be a pretty good, quirky flick. I’m not expecting much, but I bet it will make me smile. Also, it’s posts like these that make me miss Lindsay, bet she would’ve liked this trailer because…FEMINISM! GIRL POWER! Whatever!

  35. Women be roller-derbying!

  36. You know what, I want to see this. With my sister. In the same way that I can’t wait to see Julie & Julia with my sister. I’m a sucker for “sassy” chick flicks. And, let’s be fair, Ellen Page + tube socks = a good thing. Let’s be fair, y’all.

  37. buenosueno  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +4

    oh shit, they almost launched into a jens lekman song in the beginning. that was a close one. he’s not dead to me… yet

  38. aniktwo  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +5

    Derby girls are excited for this film, based on a book written by an LA Derby Doll.

    Haters to the left!!

  39. Oh no, a not-romantic comedy about women doing something goofy instead of sexy/horrifying! They’re not even dancing or doing gymnastics! And it features the triumphant return of Alia Shawkat to the screen and Ellen Page not being obnoxious and several SNL alum. And gross, it was written and directed by women. You’re right*, this is totally lame and it is absolutely appropriate to make fun of it with the title of a groundbreaking feminist work.

    *You’re wrong and I am pretty irritated, even if it doesn’t look like the best movie ever.

    • If I could upvote you all day, I would. Nailed it!

      even with the underwater kissing, it’s exciting to see a movie about young women becoming self-actualized without it revolving around BOYS.

    • Matt  |   Posted on Jul 16th, 2009 +4

      I don’t think people are hating this because of any of those reasons, more because it looks hackneyed, melodramatic, and boring.

      • This is totally late but whatever, my message will be heard! In a forest of day-old blog posts with no one to read them. You missed my point, Matt. I am not accusing Gabe of hating on the movie because it is woman-friendly; I am calling him on failing to recognize that woman-friendliness at all beyond trivializing it and the cause of female representation in media. Which is maybe a tall order for the internet, but I wouldn’t have said anything if I didn’t think Videogum were usually more insightful/less offensive than this.

    • rk be Jezebellin’!

      But seriously, I agree, and will probably see this.

      • I’m late to the party, but I couldn’t agree more. I tried, but I couldn’t. It was impossible, we agreed so much. This looks like awesome, girl-powery fun, much like Bring It On. And for that reason, I don’t see a problem with enjoying the hell out of it.

        P.S. commenters bagging on bigger women who play derby, as if they have no right to exercise or enjoy themselves, deserve the biggest woof of all. WOOF.

  40. How many fucking songs are in this trailer? Too many!
    But I have to represent, because this was filmed in Austin, where we have a huge roller-derby presence. (My friend and I thought about pseudo-stalking Ellen Page, but it was too hot)

  41. hahafan  |   Posted on Jul 17th, 2009 0

    you’re 57 years old?

    how are you able to post?

  42. Zach  |   Posted on Jul 19th, 2009 0

    What do you think, Mr. Littlejeans?

  43. welcome to costco, i love you  |   Posted on Jul 21st, 2009 0

    bonus points for not using Devo’s “Whip It” in the trailer.

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