I AM NOT THE BIGGEST FAN OF THE PHRASE “SHUT IT DOWN” WHEN IT IS HASTILY APPLIED TO ANYTHING ON THE INTERNET, LIKE, “MILEY CYRUS WORE THIS UNBELIEVABLE SHIRT — SHUT IT DOWN” OR WHATEVER, KIND OF LIKE THE THING EVERY DOES NOW WHERE THEY’RE LIKE “VERY [NOUN] MUCH [ADJECTIVE], ETC.” INSTEAD OF THINKING OF A JOKE TO SAY — I ALSO, SINCE WE’RE TALKING ABOUT IT, REALLY DON’T LIKE WHEN PEOPLE SAY SOMETHING GIVES THEM “FEELS” OR WHEN THEY TALK ABOUT “SEXY TIME,” IT’S LIKE, REALLY, COME ON, PLEASE CAN WE ALL JUST TALK LIKE ADULT HUMAN BEINGS WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE, BUT WITH ALL THAT SAID I HONESTLY DO NEED EVERYONE TO JUST SHUT IT DOWN RIGHT NOW BECAUSE THIS VINE OF A BIG BLACK HAIRBALL TURNING INTO A BUNCH OF SPIDERS IS ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT AND I JUST CANNOT TAKE ANOTHER SECOND OF IT OR ANYTHING ELSE. VINE, YOU WERE ON SUPER THIN ICE BUT NOW YOU ARE FINISHED AND YOU TOOK THE REST OF US WITH YOU, HOW DARE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE, REST IN PEACE EVERYONE, WE ARE THROUGH.


NO. GOODBYE. (Via Geekologie.)

Comments (28)
  1. GODDAMNIT KELLY I CAN’T UNSEE THAT SHIT

  2. lawblog  |   Posted on Jan 2nd +23

    This is how the world ends. This is how the world ends.
    Not with a bang, but with infinity spiders exploding out of a hairball.

  3. ahhh why is it a vine, it just keeps repeating!!

  4. Somebody just earned a shout out in my suicide note!

  5. This would have affected me a lot more, had I not seen this yesterday and cried until I passed out.

    • Kate  |   Posted on Jan 2nd +12

      Carmen will brb. He’s heading to the drugstore for a new toothbrush.

    • True facts: my roommate went to take a sip of water late one night and ALMOST DRANK ONE OF THESE THINGS. it had climbed in and drowned. UGH.

      we now keep a coaster over our waters at all times.

      • I was going through my old tweets the other day, and I was reminded that one I found a dead bug in the bottom of the coffee mug I had been drinking out of. :(

        • Kate  |   Posted on Jan 2nd +15

          Ok this is a wonderful story that my husband enjoyed telling over the holiday. He has a friend who makes his own wine. The winemaker and his friends were tasting a very old bottle of this wine, and they noticed that there was an unusual amount of sediment. The winemaker bragged that this meant it was a particularly great bottle, so they finished the whole thing. When it was all gone, one of them put his glasses on to inspect the sediment still left in the bottle, and discovered a PARTIALLY DECOMPOSED MOUSE!!!! AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

    • AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. lawblog  |   Posted on Jan 2nd +18

    Spiders do not make me particularly squeamish, but millions of things coming out of something that I previously thought was benign is like #4 on the “things that terrify me” list. FYI, “pointy things going into an eye” is the runaway #1.

    • Ditto but centipedes are #1 on my hate list. Or heights. I don’t see them much anymore so I guess heights are the real #1.

  7. Kate  |   Posted on Jan 2nd +16

    I hope that’s not the hairball currently blocking our shower drain.

    brb, getting a heavy rock to cover the shower drain hole.

  8. Oh, good. I wanted to be itchy all day today anyway.

  9. NO. THANK YOU.

  10. Serious question: is that a spider orgy? What are they doing if it isn’t?

  11. Guys, if I just sent this to a friend with only the vine link and no pre-warning, am I a monster?

  12. HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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