You: Hello pup, want to go for an iWalk on the SuperEnet-TravelSYS?
Your Dog: I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.
You: Walkies?
Your Dog: WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES.
You: Oops, I almost Remem-ERR387 your retainment capsule! Can’t repeat ERR387 this P-TIME.
Your Dog: WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES.
You: Now remember, pup, we’re going to pass by Ms. Jen #192802938′s lifeSYS, so please don’t–
Your Dog: WATER WALKIES WAR- WALKIES WALKIES.
You: Oh, you want some Water™?
Your Dog: WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES.
You: Just walkies?
Your Dog: LOVE YOU WATER GARBAGE DIRT KISSES KISSES LOVE WALKES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES WALKIES.

Your dog is going to be pretty annoying in the future, BUT HE’S STILL GONNA BE SOOOOO CUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE! (Via Geekologie.)

Comments (14)
  1. There’s no way my dog would wear that thing on his head.

  2. They have a funding page. This went from amusing skit to fraudulent bullshit pretty quick.

  3. I can tell what my dog is thinking based on his face, ears, & tail. Here are the options:
    I love you!
    Are we playing?
    I love playing with you!
    I’m hungry!
    I want to be near you!
    What are you doing?
    Where’s the cat?
    I did something bad and I know it!
    I don’t feel well!

    • I will hold this seat for you while you go to the kitchen.
      What? You want the seat back? You are an asshole.

    • I watched a documentary about dogs (it was awesome, obviously) where researchers played a bunch of dog barks and whines and whatnot to see if people could guess what they where in response to (“It’s scared,” “It’s guarding its territory,” etc.) and nearly everyone got them all right.

      • that sounds so cool! my dog only barks in his sleep. I think that means he’s having a doggy nightmare :(

        • My dog has 3 different sleep barks. One is a really mournful howl, which is funny because he is part beagle and is terrible at howling when awake.

          • One of my brother’s dogs finds it really hard to bark for some reason, so he makes this mournful “er er er er” sound, which means I WANT THING (THING is either food or to be picked up and put on the couch, because he’s a wuss about jumping).

          • Yeah my guy wants you to throw the ball, get the ball from under furniture, go outside to pee / poop, go outside to play fetch but he’s pretending he has to poop… Wants food in his dish but he’s not ready to eat, wants you to eat food so he can eat and be polite, wants you to bring his food into the room where you are eating so you can be together… wants you to get off the computer and go watch TV, stop watching TV and go to bed… Also he wants THAT pillow to sleep next to.
            Also: FYI the CAT IS OUTSIDE and FYI the cat is INSIDE.
            And my current favorite… FYI: there are toys on top of the bookshelf that are probably for him and since he went outside/finished playing fetch/let the cat hang out with us/ate his meal/whatever… HE SHOULD GET TO OPEN PRESENTS NOW NOW NOW.

            Honestly, if my kid spoke English, it would be creepy because he is amazing at communicating as it is. The first time my parents dogsat him they were astounded at how good he was at letting them know exactly what he wanted. Plus his terror during fireworks season is already awful, though if he could verbalize it, it might make my neighbors calm the fuck down. And he does an impressive side-eye. He couldn’t be more of my son if I gave birth to him and he was a human being.

  4. So, I have a cat that thinks he is a dog. He doesn’t meow, he says “wah!” and he likes to play fetch and follow you from room to room and beg for food. Poor little guy. So confused.

  5. The people in this video all seem to speak English really, really well. (Better than some native speakers I know.) Why are they apologizing?

  6. Kelly, if you haven’t read it, you might like George Saunders’ book of short stories, Persuasion Nation. His vision of the future mirrors yours.

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