One of the people from whatever Duck Dynasty continues to be spoke with GQ recently and, if you can believe it, based on the idea of what Duck Dynasty must be that you’ve developed from the images you’ve seen associated with it, he was a racist and homophobic asshole! Here’s just a SWEET LI’L TASTE:

“It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

Hahahaha. WHAT? “It just seems like, to me, as a man, breasts feel like bags of sand and a vagina, well — there’s just so much in there it’s hard to say what it’s like, but, you know, you get it. Right, my man?”  Why are you talking about the desirability of a man’s anus? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT WHO ARE YOU? PS: WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF! So. That guy, whoever he even is, is having a day that we don’t even have to pretend to care about. HOW WERE YOUR DAYS, THOUGH? Tell meeeee. Wash this distaste-for-anus-as-if-your-stated-preference-should-mean-anything-to-anyone-else taste out of my brain mouth! (Via Dlisted.)

Comments (90)
  1. Lucky for him, he was wearing camoflauge, so we’ll never be able to know which Duck Dynasty it was that said that.

    • Now that I think about it, it doesn’t really matter if he was wearing camoflauge or not, as they all look exactly the same.

      Is that the key to inexplicable reality-show fame? Looking nearly identical to the rest of your equally obnoxious family? Someone go ask a Kardashian and let me know!

  2. Right now I have no idea how my day was because I can’t stop laughing at Kelly’s rephrasing of this quote as having a “distaste for anus”.

  3. My day has been full of conflicting emotions! I’m still sad the last Best Show was last night, but am happy because Tyson Chandler is back and playing tonight. I’m very excited because I’ll be on a plane to Tokyo this time next week, but it’s been tough waiting out the days bored at work watching the clock. Oh, and it was birthday cake day here at work, but then it turned out it was Pineapple cake, so again a mixed bag!

  4. Ugh, work was SO BUSY today. Stupid holidays and everyone rushing to squeeze everything in right before the holidays. I really didn’t do anything but slog through paperwork.

    Yesterday was good, though. Flirted some more. I think I’m getting better at it.

  5. My day has been unremarkable, but can I just tell you guys how excited I am to move on Saturday? Very excited. Not nearly as excited for the trip to Ikea, but you’ve got to take the good with the inexpensive Swedish crap.

    • When you go to Ikea look for an item called Glogg in a wine bottle, it’s a special Swedish drink. You heat it up on the stove and mix in alcohol but don’t let it boil, just warm it. My Swedish coworker told me to add wine and vodka, but I used Bacardi Gold and it was awesome. Glogg is the perfect winter drink. Trust me on this, for once.

      • You’re forgetting about the Official Videogum Winter Drink of Choice: hot buttered rum.

        • What is this thing you speak of?

          • There are different ways of making it, but the way I do it is to heat up some water, butter, brown sugar, cinnamon sticks and whole cloves in a crock pot for five hours, then add rum and top it with whipped cream and nutmeg.

          • This way is alright, but here’s what you do. Pound of butter, pound of brown sugar, pound of powdered sugar, quart of ice cream. Melt all that together, add some cinnamon and nutmeg. Then you’ve got your batter. Just mix some of that with hot water and rum, and you will be all warm and greasy inside for the forseeable future.

      • I’m skeptical, as I’m pretty sure whisk(e)y in its many forms is the perfect winter drink, but will check it out on your recommendation.

      • Mrs. Taco’s from Finland, and she loves the Glogg. Some people put almonds and raisins in there, too, but those people are perverts. P.S. it’s REALLY hard to make yourself at home. I feel fairly certain that some sort of red juice is involved, but any I’ve tried, the juice takes over the Glogg flavors.

      • Making your own takes like 10 steps but you get to plump up raisins with booze (vodka, whiskey AND rum) and burn brown sugar just slightly… Or that’s how I was taught.

        http://allrecipes.com/recipe/old-fashioned-swedish-glogg/

        • Allow me to rephrase: it’s very difficult to make your own non-alcoholic Glogg, similar to the one sold in IKEA. The lady has some crazy idea about wanting to pass on both of our cultures to our kid, but I think she’s full of it, because she gets mad when I try to feed him processed cheese and yogurt from a tube.

        • You guys are all too fancy for me. I put the Glogg in a coffee cup, nuked it in the microwave for 30 seconds, then poured an airline-sized bottle of Bacardi into it. 45 seconds later, I’m on the couch enjoying my special holiday drink.

          • I’ve never actually made it, but I might this year because I have a dining room table and my town is filled with orphaned adult friends who like alcohol. Any PDX Monsters are totally welcome!

    • Bring sustenance, those cinnamon rolls are all the way at the end!

  6. Pretty sure that guy was saying he’s a vagina.

  7. I’m very excited about the Hellraisers book of Peter O’Toole and Richard Harris and Richard Burton and Oliver Reed’s drinking stories that I got from the library today. I’m still very sad that we lost Peter O’Toole on Sunday, that man was a DELIGHT. When he was nominated for the Oscars in 2006 or so, I had this whole plan to try to find him to have a cocktail with him after work (which was the morning for everyone but my 6 p.m.) and I figured he’d be drunk and up anyway because he’s got jet lag and is goddamn Peter O’Toole and probably already lives at nice hotel bars. So I did a bunch of investigative work and figured out he was at the 4 Seasons in Beverly Hills or the like and was all set to go bump into Peter O’Toole and proceed to get day drunk with this extraordinary old man, but the traffic was terrible (because of the Oscars) and I ended up going home and going for a hike instead because I don’t drink and drive and I never go to west side, let alone Beverly Hills. So my non-story of trying to drink with Peter O’Toole is terrible and I am hoping this book will fill me with better stories – like the time he bought a bar so he could keep drinking there after it closed… then decided he didn’t want the bar the next day. Or the time he got a beer in Paris and woke up in Corsica.

    Ahhh alcoholism in the 60s… SO CHARMING.

    • Clarification: I got off work at 7 a.m. so what felt like 6 p.m. to me was the morning for everyone else (and also clocks).

    • There is a book about their exploits?!? AAAA! Flanny, we need to get on this. Please keep us updated on how it is.

      • Will do! I am sailing through my vector diagrams so I can enjoy this thing.

        • I finished my project (or the bulk of it before mid-January) and I’m literally drinking champagne and reading a Herman Cain comic book that my friend sent to me as a lark. My dog is currently trying to climb my bookshelf to get to the one present he has not unwrapped yet. I love finishing deadlines early.

  8. Today I came back to work after my second-to-last “burn through all of your vacation time before they take it away from you” mini-vacation and our network was crashing left and right and it was a big old shitshow, and then I found out that instead of having a second consecutive Christmas in a convent, my family is now more likely to have Christmas at the hospital because illness always strikes at very convenient times! But despite that I guess it’s been an ok day? Maybe because I was just off for like a week and work hasn’t had a chance to completely drain my life force yet.

  9. I just drank a Coors Light and my mom bought me a blender!

  10. “It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus”

    Exactly! This is why no straight men ever want anal sex from their female partners.

  11. There’s a fitting Superbad quote for this that I can’t find a gif of:

    Seth: Besides, have you ever seen a vagina by itself?
    Evan: No.
    Seth: [shakes his head] Not for me.

  12. Also, my day/week are dragging because I fly home friday and it’s taking FOREVER.

    But I did get an almond croissant for a snack. very tasty.

  13. Guys. Christmas shopping is hard.

    Slipped on some ice and busted my ass pretty hard so that was cool.

    Been rewatching The Prisoner because it’s a brilliant show.

    I think I forgot how good chocolate covered pretzels are until right now.

  14. Oh nooooo Alaska and Sharon Needles broke up! Love is dead :(

  15. This time tomorrow I will probably be sitting in my mother’s living room, eating Wendy’s, eating silently with her watching the local news while waiting for Jeopardy to come on. Can’t wait. No sarcasmo, most of my holiday plans revolve around visiting chain restaurants. When my brother asked me when I would be around so he could visit me, I told him and then demanded he bring along Jimmy John’s. (Immediate update. Just got a message from my brother saying that I could come over and help him and his future in-laws get his fiance’s house ready to go on the market. Oh, my brother! No mention of Jimmy John’s.)

  16. Ugh, crappy day at work. Whenever I explain to people what I do, I half jokingly tell people that I’m like Tom Smykowski, except that there’s more to it than just “taking the specs from the customers and giving them to the engineers”. Well, my job has now degraded to just that. What’s worse is getting a call from your manager saying that the way I “handed the specs” today was not the customer’s liking and I need to change the way I delivered the information. I could HEAR my brain cells atrophy. Fortunately, I was able to talk to a colleague of mine, and he said there might be some positions opening up after the holidays, and he would put in a good word for me. I also received 4 of my 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit gifts in the mail today, which made my day a little brighter.

  17. We’re throwing a murder mystery dinner party on Friday night. (Whaaat!!) It’s 1920′s Chicago themed. Here’s the character I was assigned to:

    Eddie (“Socks”) R. Gyle:
    Smooth, fashionable and clever, Eddie is an avid golfer and spends most afternoons on the links at the exclusive Lake View Country Club dressed elegantly in plus fours and argyle socks. In the evenings he can be found at his exclusive gaming house in downtown Chicago, known simply as Green Tables, where the affluent, the trendy and the compulsive citizens of Chicago come to gamble. Those close to Eddie also know him as a deal maker and in certain circles as “Fast Deal Eddie,” although what he deals in and with whom he deals is never mentioned.

    Naturally, I’ve been spending more time thinking about what my costume for this will be than how I will get my Christmas shopping done in time. (I’ve been growing a beard out a little, and I’m thinking I’ll shave it into a mustache for the party. Then roll up some khakis so they look like knickers, see if I can find a newsboy cap and buy a putter from the thrift shop. Thoughts??)

  18. so work is a nightmare, no duh, it’s december, work is always a nightmare, although today has been more so than usual, BUT, earlier one of my co-workers asked me who the m.o.d. (manager on duty) was, but he accidentally said “m.o.b.” which obviously stands for “manager on BOOTY,” and now i’ve had funkadelic stuck in my head all day. also i’m dead, r.i.p. meeeeee

  19. I was late to work yikes! But at least vaginas still have a lot there. Some things always vagina the same no matter how many times you screw up

  20. I had a final on Monday and then the kiddos had their final yesterday, so in addition to trying to get my Christmas stuff together, I also have to grade. So far though, they’ve been very good and I think the kids actually studied this time around. And they’ve been so sweet and thanking me for the semester! It’s weird. It’s like I taught them something! I can’t believe it.

    We were supposed to do trivia yesterday, but the snow was crazy so we all went home. And now everyone’s leaving for super fun family stuff and I’m going to be sitting at home catching up on Sleepy Hollow. Sigh.

    • I am excited to hear that your kids learned things! Also how the damnhell did this semester go by so quickly? Weren’t you just freaking out about this thing starting up like a week ago?

      Sitting at home catching up on Sleepy Hollow is for WINNERS.

    • that’s super great about your kids! This was my first semester teaching too, I feel like we are grad school soul sisters! Except that I was thrilled with my final exam grades for the opposite reason — they were low and thus helped keep the class GPA down. Because we are under intense pressure to “fight grade inflation” which translates to “keep grades low in an intro-level class, because that makes tons of sense.” anyway, cheers!

      • Eh, we laid the hammer down on them pretty hard during the first half of the semester, so I don’t mind being generous this time around. It will all work itself out. We were also told “grade inflation is a very real thing” by the head of the department, but then the prof supervisor kept saying “oh, those poor babies!” So…. yeah.

        What year are you??

  21. Meanwhile, Duck Dynasty’s A&E friends, the gay couple from Storage Wars talk about the pleasures of manass. I’m actually thrilled to see gay “celebrities” talk publicly about the joy of gay sex.

    http://www.tmz.com/2013/12/18/gay-storage-wars-chris-morelli-tad-eaton-sex-duck-dynasty/

  22. Today was good. I got the plethora of tiny toys I put in Mr Truck’s stocking and I’m SO EXCITED about how much he’s gonna love them!!!! Also I found out that I was going to be literally the only person in my dept on the Thurs & Fri of both Christmas and New YEar’s week so they basically told me to just stay home and take the full two weeks which means Friday is my last day at work until Jan 6th!! Going to relax so much, you guys!!! Now I have a gin drink and banana cake and all is well with the world!

    • I’m putting super gross chocolate-covered salty fake black licorice in Mrs. Taco’s stocking. She loves that shit, and she no way expects it. Very hard to come by in this civilized culture of ours.

  23. So I never actually said how my day was, but that’s because it was nothing special until just now, when I learned of the Clurichaun. What is the Clurichaun, you ask? It’s a species very similar to Leprechauns, except instead of hiding gold at the ends of rainbows, Clurichauns just get wasted and ride around on dogs. They sound WAY more fun than Leprechauns!

  24. Today I went to the bank for the third time for yet another attempt to complete a very simple task (open an account for the small, nonprofit organization of which I was recently appointed treasurer). TURNS OUT THIS IS NOT A SIMPLE TASK. These are hours of my life that I will never get back. Today’s attempt was even less successful than the first two, and now I have to hunt down some documents that do not exist to prove that my organization is real and not, I dunno, something I made up so that I could embezzle less than $10K in a very stupid and obvious way. UGH, BANKS.

  25. I started exercising again and i hurt my knee and shoulder, so that a bummer. I went out to lunch with one of my bff then i watched the baby. I am turning into a housewife, I need to get another job.

  26. there’s a duck vagina joke here somewhere.

  27. I feel bad for assuming that that is how everyone involved in the show feels, but it really isn’t surprising to me.

    I’m also not sure why that got him kicked off the show. Are the people who love that show so upset? Like, I would think that the people that watch that show either agree wholeheartedly with those sentiments (and are therefor un-phased by those comments) or just know what they’re getting into when watching it (and don’t expect or care if all of the cast members are not bigoted in some way).

    That’s probably the realest part of that “reality” show anyway – why take it away?

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