Earlier this week, Aisha Harris published an essay on Slate titled “Santa Claus Should Not Be a White Man Anymore” about the confusion and otherness she felt as a child seeing the image of a white santa everywhere other than in her own home. She proposes changing the idea of “Santa Claus” to something like a penguin, or otherwise non-human being, in order to not alienate any kids who might feel the way she used to. “Of course,”she says, “since we created Santa, we can certainly change him however we’d like — and we have, many times over,” which Fox News’s Megyn Kelly points out, in what I can only assume is the regular “Comically Racist” segment of her show The Kelly File (PS: HOW DARE YOU), that, uh, hello, obviously we can’t change image of Santa Claus to that of a black man or anything else because — and this is for any children listening out there, we want to make sure — Santa Claus is a historical white figure, and by the way so is Jesus, and CAN’T WHITES JUST HAVE THESE TWO THINGS THAT ARE TRUE AND ALSO REAL AND WHITE, FOR ANY KIDS OUT THERE LISTENING?!

“Just because it makes you uncomfortable doesn’t mean it has to change.” Wow! I bet other racists are super jealous that their intense racism can’t come under the guise of pretending that a fictional character is real for the sake of any children who might be watching their late night right wing news talk show. Luckily they all still maintain the ability to just say fucking whatever, as if it were the truth! It is a fact that Jesus was white? YOU ARE ON A NEWS CHANNEL. WHY ARE THERE NO RULES? “Jesus was white, that is historical fact and you can fact-check it in nearly every single picture of Jesus that white people made.” Megyn Kelly, you garbage human. “Santa just is white.” Right. Argument closed. In fact, there really is no argument! Whites forever, everyone else never (just in case there are any kids reading). (Via Uproxx.)

Comments (48)
  1. The y in Megyn stands for “yikes!”

  2. Hey, many creepy paintings in my grandmother’s house clearly show that Jesus was a blonde, blue-eyed, rosy-cheeked white man with great abs. How are we to argue with such concrete evidence?

  3. “You can’t take facts and change them to fit some sort of political agenda.” – A Fox News Commentator

  4. “Santa Claus is definitely white, in case there are no gay people there.”

  5. Jesus is responsible for lots of miracles. Most recently, he turned this newscast into white whine.

  6. LET BERNARD TALK! I want to hear more about this drag queen Santa…

  7. And anyway, I happen to belong to the only church that knows the historical Jesus WAS a cartoon penguin so this is particularly irritating to me.

  8. I do really like the picture they chose to demonstrate that nobody could possibly be alienated by white Santa:

    Who can’t identify with having a drunk white uncle who feels really sheepish after peeing his pants at the family Christmas party?

  9. As spokesperson for all non-white people*, I would be willing to take Santa Claus in exchange for Jesus, as long as white people are willing to give Michael Keaton Keaton as part of the deal.

    *nomination pending

  10. ahhhh jesus was not white!! this bugs me to no end that people just accept that as a fact when it clearly is not!!! and generally these people are racist as hell to people who look like jesus probably did!!!

    • You know what bugs me even more than that? The time that I tried to argue this point and learned that according to Mormom Doctrine Jesus WAS white because your skin gets darker with the more sin that you have. That made me die inside.

  11. I saw this this morning and couldn’t stop laughing about it. It’s just so funny!

  12. There is some story on i09 that is cracking my shit up. Apparently Jesus yelled at a fig tree because it didn’t have figs so he made that bitch whither up and die. Poor tree! But that is SUCH a white thing to do; you know, not get what you want and just kill it. So maybe he really was white.

    Also regarding santa: that ho gotta know that santa was not real right? I mean he may be based off of some saint but he. never. existed. 4. realsies.

  13. Pfftt, everyone knows that Santa Clause is a flash mob of drunk white people drinking on the street. Nice try, Slate.

  14. is that woman’s name jedediah

  15. what a hypocrite! just last week megyn kelly published a piece on dotcom titled “Let’s make Stalin and Skeletor black for a change”

  16. “And while we’re on topic, what’s this about everyone trying to change Indians into ‘Native Americans?’”

  17. Why do they have to drag poor Santa Claus into their bullshit?

  18. This is why I stick to celebrating a 3 story straw goat that gets set on fire by drunk people. Also, Thor rode that goat. Also, Father Christmas is Odin – the father of the universe according to Norse mythology. And if my nephews are bad, I’ll introduce them to Krampus. Plus lighting up trees that don’t lose their leaves in winter makes me feel less seasonally affected.

    Literally all of my favorite holiday traditions are born from bored isolated people sitting in the dark for 18 hours a day who only drank beer and hard liquor for sustenance.

  19. And as usual, Fox News has brought in a panel of diverse faces to intelligently debate this…..Ohhhh…wait a minute, never mind. Fuck me!

  20. Frankly, I’m surprised that Fox News didn’t suggest making the elves black instead.

  21. Anyone know Kris Kringle’s middle name? I’m guessing something like, “Kraig.”

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