If we are all allowed to have the exact wedding ceremony that we want, which, based on this video of the wedding ceremony of Adam Bohn — the CEO of Artix Entertainment and creator of AdventureQuest Worlds — that features ten minutes of different villains fighting him for his wife’s hand in marriage while he and his groomsmen wear armor over their tuxedos, seems to be at least a possibility for some, this is the one that I want: my future husband and I eat a nice dinner alone with nobody except for the other strangers at the restaurant, we tell each other we do, and then go on a month-long honeymoon. It all counts as the ceremony. Then we go on another honeymoon for the honeymoon. Does that make sense? So it’s dinner + honeymoon, and then a honeymoon. We don’t have to talk to anybody but they can still send gifts if they want to, and we will send them a thank you note with a photo of us in our dinner outfits (wedding dress and tuxedo). IF WE ALL CAN GET EXACTLY WHATEVER WEIRD SHIT WE WANT AND EVERYONE ELSE JUST HAS TO DEAL WITH IT, THAT IS WHAT I WANT! THIS IS THE PRECEDENT YOU HAVE SET, ADAM BOHN!

Hahaha, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. It seems sexist and condescending to say something like “what an incredibly understanding wife,” as if she is not into whatever this is, because she very well may be, and maybe they planned it together and were equally excited about it, and maybe it was her dream since she was a little girl to have Iron Man interrupt her wedding and ask her to join S.H.I.E.L.D., but, ah, eeeehhhhhh, eeek…what…an incredibly understanding wife! I COULDN’T NOT SAY IT, IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S TRUE! (Via Kotaku.)

Comments (27)
  1. The problem with being the understanding wife is that you’re marrying someone who’s very interested in trying your patience.

  2. Her wedding day is the most special day in a woman’s life. The day when she is reminded that she is a piece of property that can be fought over and won like a piece of candy. The day when she is reminded that she should just be quiet and have no opinion as people decide the rest of her life for her. ROMANCE!!!

  3. I don’t care how special and unique and personal your wedding ceremony is…just make it SHORT. That open bar isn’t going to drink itself.

  4. The bride should at least consider herself lucky that the band didn’t strike up “The Rains of Castamere.”

  5. I realize I should focus on the actual problem at hand and not comment on the tackiness of the venue, but…that is one ugly-ass room.

  6. I am having too many reactions to this video.

  7. Look, I’m over it this week, so I’m just gonna be real. Someone needs to tell that poor bride her husband it gay. First off, when he spoke purses flew out of his mouth. Secondly, he wants to spend time fighting hot brawny men until the very last minute – he’s literally marrying a woman while staving off men.

  8. I heard Pachelbel and turned it off.

  9. A cashier told us that she is planning a Labyrinth themed wedding. I loved that movie when I was a kid, but was pretty surprised that a Labyrinth themed wedding would be a thing. We should have asked to be invited because that is something I think I would like to see.

    Hopefully the groom can master this…

  10. I don’t get it, why did he wait until the wedding day to do his elaborate public proposal?

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