When I was young, I loved the musical Cats. I saw it a bunch of times in local productions and even on Broadway, and at one point I was a Cats cat for Halloween. But if you were to ask me now, I would absolutely not be able to tell you what the musical is about. A bunch of cats? Are some of them sick? I have to imagine that they’re at least homeless, if not sick. And I think one or some of them die. But are they possibly sick, homeless, and dying enough to make it on the big screen?! From The Wrap:

“Cats” may claw its way to the big screen thanks to Hollywood’s renewed appetite for movie musicals, composer Andrew Lloyd Webber told the Daily Mail.

He reports that Universal Pictures, which owns the film rights to the stage smash, “…has now got ‘Cats’ out of the drawer in which they locked it years ago when they bought the rights and suddenly they’re talking about a film.”

The studio did not immediately respond to a request for comment.

“I haven’t seen the [Les Mis] film but it’s fantastic for musicals because everybody wants to make them again,” Lloyd Webber told the Mail.

Why didn’t you see the Les Mis film, Andrew Lloyd Webber? Are you lying? Aw, Mr. Lloyd Webber! Don’t lie! You don’t have to be jealous of the Les Mis film, do you remember the 1973 Jesus Christ Superstar film? That was the best and that was yours, my man! Hold your head up high. To make the idea of a Cats film seem like more of a possibility, I went ahead and worked on some casting ideas. Now, like I said, I don’t really remember what the musical was about, but I pieced together a few thoughts anyway, from what I could remember. Here you go!

Could the Cats be played by…

This Dog?

This Dog?

This Dog?

This Dog?

Dog In A Hotdog Costume?

This Dog?

This Dog?

Fancy Dog?

Glasses Dog?

This Dog?

Macklemore?

This Dog?

Little Bee Dog?

Birdie?

Arrrgggh, I don’t know!! What do you think? Did I get the personalities right? Feel free to nominated anyone I missed!

Comments (49)
  1. Snoop Cat, obvs:

  2. I LOVED this musical when I was a kid. I think I can still play part of Memory on the piano.

  3. Jennifer Pawrence as Catnips Evergrumpy

  4. Shiamese Labeouf?

  5. Oh man, a few years ago I was HELLA into JC Superstar, and I went and saw the tour when it came through Boston, starring Ted Neely, original Jesus from the movie. Dude is old and he was still SO GOOD! I might actually believe he IS Jesus. So I say Ted Neely for all the cats/my lord and savior.

  6. American Shorthairrison Ford

  7. Tabby Elliot

  8. All the parts will be played by Garfield, and the production will go dark on Mondays.

  9. As long as they cast Grumpy Cat, audiences will fill the theaters.

  10. Bobcat Goldthwaite 4 Director

  11. Kat Dennings, obvs. And Bradley Coopurr.

  12. I think if you’re the cat who’s lived the saddest life (or maybe sang the best song) then at the end you get to fly up to cat space. That’s what I took away from it.

    They just need to do it with CGI cats singing and dancing and it will be the best (and by best I mean worst).

  13. Ummm, do you guys know what Cats is about? Because I just read it and it’s pretty BADONKERS. Like, all singing and dancing aside, these cats basically have an annual sacrifice? And in the year in which this musical takes place, they sacrifice a depressed old lady cat that makes everybody super uncomfortable whenever she’s around?

  14. The reason you can’t remember anything from that musical is because THERE IS NO DAMN PLOT. It’s literally just a bunch of songs that have nothing to do with each other strung together very loosely. It’s basically an anthology musical. An anthology of catsuits and ridiculous makeup and dancing and sexually suggestive cat names. RUMPLETEAZER, indeed.

  15. I find myself stuck between wanting to make a Paul F Tompkins reference and a Kids in the Hall reference (that cat sketch with Mark McKinney where he jumps at the camera? WHAT WAS THAT). The point is: I don’t really have anything to add to this conversation

  16. I heard it was about the centuries-old fued between Garfield and Heathcliff.

  17. This is ALMOST a good idea; the media loves to adapt existing works, and the public loves cats. The only problem is that musicals are basically unbearable to most people. Instead of this garbage, let’s get a Fritz The Cat reboot. It’s way more interesting material, and Ralph Bakshi could probably use the work.

  18. For some reason I always assumed Andrew Lloyd Webber was long dead. That’s just not a name for someone currently living, right? Anyway, my world changed today. Andrew Lloyd Webber is alive.

  19. Natalie Purrtman as “Buttons” the cat

  20. I want to adopt all of the stage dogs.

  21. What about the Gavlebocken?

    You can set it on fire at the end of every production.

  22. But how long must we wait for the Starlight Express movie?

  23. Brad Pitt, as he is the only choice to play anything ever.

  24. Guys, I keep seeing glances of a miracle hair product, some macadamia nut thing that all you guys seem to be raving about. Can I also get the secret to awesome hair? Work’s been awful for some time now, I’m sure shampoo commercial hair would help though.

    Also, James Francat for everything. It’s pointless resisting now.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post, reply to, or rate a comment.