G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra looks terrible. So the movie’s best bet is to go after a potential audience of people who think terrible things look great. A Latino Review reader sent in an eye-witness report of a bit of viral stunt marketing over the weekend:

I was sitting on the beach in Ocean Grove, NJ yesterday when a Black helicopter stopped to hover just off shore about 35 feet in the air. All of the fourth of July revelers hoarding the beach ran towards the water to see what was going on.

Then as it slowly approached shore, a rope ladder rolled out and what appeared to be a diver climbed to the bottom of the rope ladder. As I approached the water’s edge, the helicopter the gleaming black helicopter turned only to reveal the G.I. Joe Movie logo as the diver began to wave. The helicopter the proceeded to hover south down the shore with the diver hanging on just over the water for as far south as we could see.

It was very cool as it felt like GI Joe had come to life for me and [it was] effective as EVERYONE I ran into on the Jersey Shore was talking about it.

Perfect. It makes sense that G.I. Joe came to life for this person insofar as G.I. Joe has always been a story about a guy riding a rope ladder five feet from the Jersey Shore on a holiday weekend. “Yo Joe!” It just makes sense.

The thing about G.I. Joe that I don’t understand is why did they waste all of those millions of dollars on a piece of garbage when for much less money they could have just made a feature length movie about pork chop sandwiches. Then I would be all, “ONE ADULT, PLEASE.”

Previously: Inglourious Basterds Being Directly Marketed To Assholes

Comments (29)
  1. Leo  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 +11

    I’m still disappointed there isn’t a live action Captain Planet movie
    Who gives a shit about G.I. Joe

  2. If you could try to work in the Guido Beach tag more often than once a year that’d be great.
    Lots Of Love.

  3. todd gack  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 +1

    Apparently G.I.JOE now stands for “Global Integrated Joint Operating Entity”. I’m really glad they got rid of that whole “Government Issue” thing… y’know, that part that allowed the title to make sense – it’s far too ‘anti-awesome’ for Lovers of Entertainment.

  4. Oh man, I hate it when Gabe posts pics of those terrifying humanoids. They seriously scare the shit out of me, and sometimes I worry that I’ll see one in real life. I wish I was joking about this.

    • Scrabio  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 +11

      I see them around the subway.

      If you don’t make eye contact, they won’t stab you with their head and spill their Ed Hardy wine on you.

  5. That’s funny because on the Jersey Shore, “Yo, Joe” is usually followed by “You got any roofies?”

  6. freddy  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 +9

    “the helicopter the gleaming black helicopter”?

    if not roofies, it sounds like they were on SOMETHING.

  7. I had a similar situation happen to me. Just the other day the GIJoe ad agency had a man dressed as Storm Shadow break into my house and kill my wife and children with a samurai sword. I’m so pumped about this movie now, you have no idea.

  8. Paul C  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 0

    I can’t believe how ugly that man’s hands are….worst bird shadow puppet out there.

  9. They had this same thing at Jones Beach on the fourth. I thought there was a cool rescue going on then I got bored.

  10. “It was very cool as it felt like GI Joe had come to life for me”

    Well, now, his problem is that that WOULD be cool.

  11. Body Massage

  12. I saw this happen at Rockaway beach last friday too. I made a comic of it:

  13. Does anyone else think it’s funny that Jersey guidos have (seemingly unknowingly) hair-gel-stumbled their way into Dragonball-Z hair?

  14. don’t forget your sandwiches.

  15. Body massage?

  16. bummertime  |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 0

    Haha, South Jersey’s finest. Gotta love the guidos and guidettes. Except not.

  17. Stop all the downloading!

  18. That smelled good.

  19. david   |   Posted on Jul 8th, 2009 +1

    “give him the stickDONTGIVEHIMETHESTICK!”

  20. Last one there’s a penis pump!

  21. buttface  |   Posted on Jul 9th, 2009 0

    I am not excited for this movie at all, but I am willing to bet that it will be considerably more enjoyable than transformers. Just sayin….

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